He runs his fingers through my hair and presses a slow kiss to my forehead.
“This isn’t the meds,” he says in a clear voice.
I shake my head against his chest.
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.”
“You just went through a traumatic…”
“Sutton, look at me.”
I look up again. His gaze is steady and clear.
“I love you,” he says again, slower this time.
My eyes sting as tears fill them.
“You don’t have to…”
“I’m not saying it because of what happened tonight,” he continues. “And I’m not saying it because I’m drugged up. I can’t pretend this is fake anymore, Sutt. I won’t.”
My heart hammers at his words and my blood hums with excitement and joy, but I contain it, keeping hold of my caution.
“But, you said…”
“Fuck what I said,” he insists. “I was wrong. You showed me that. Do you want to know why I love you so much?”
I can’t seem to find any more words, so I just nod.
“I love the way you walk into big events like you own the room,” he says. “Even though deep inside, you’re nervous as hell.”
A shaky breath leaves me.
“I love how you challenge the status quo,” he continues. “Just like you challenge me, whenever I need to have my butt kicked.”
His fingers tighten in my hair.
“I love the way you care about people. Your family. Your friends. And I love how much you care about what you do — with passion, with purpose”
His thumb traces along my jaw.
“I know this started as an arrangement, but somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t pretending anymore. I’ve just been… pretendingtopretend.”
I can hardly believe this is happening…that I’m really hearing this. Part of me thinks I have to be dreaming. Pushing up onto my hands so I can look down at him, I search his face for any signs that he’s not being truthful. That doesn’t make sense, but Jayce is always honest. Tears well up in my eyes and when I manage to choke out a reply, my voice trembles.
“I love you too,” I admit. “You see me in a way no one ever has before. Not as someone who needs to be perfect, or put together, or strong all the time. You see the parts of me I’ve spent years trying to hide… and you didn’t try to fix me. You never made me feel broken.” I pause, sucking in a deep, shaking breath. “You gave me tools and space. You gave me control when I need it, and took it away when I needed to feel safe. Do you know how insane that is?”
Laughing, before he can say anything, I shake my head as my tears stream down my cheeks. “I’ve spent years in therapy trying to quiet the voice in my head that tells me I’m not enough. That I’m going to fail. Disappoint everyone. Then you came in, and without even trying, you started proving that voice wrong. You make me stronger. Braver. You make me feel like I can actually become the person I’ve always wanted to be. You are the most amazing, loving man I’ve ever known, and I love you with all my heart.”
“Sutt,” he murmurs. “Take the ring off.”
The words make my stomach drop.
“What?” I gasp.
“Take it off.”
