He watched her warily, not wanting to reach for her as blood dripped down his burning hands.
She gave him a small smile and reached out to take his hands in hers and press small kisses to his knuckles. Her eyes werewide and shocked, but her touch was kind. “Who taught you about what to expect from your beast?” she asked.
Luka grunted and shrugged. No one taught him. Why would they? He and his beast had been alone, and they’d figured out what they needed to know by themselves.
“Right. Okay.” She took in a slow breath. “Someone should have told you.Rayanshould have told you.”
“Told me what?” He tried to pull his hands back, uncomfortable with her soft skin so close to such sharp blades, but she held him tighter.
“Your beast has given you… gifted you….” She bit her lip. “You have claws now.”
That was obvious. “But why?”
Because she’s our mate, his beast replied smugly.
What?
Izzy tucked her hair behind her ear and gave him a wobbly smile. “It thinks we’re?—”
He stood abruptly, cutting her off with a rough growl. “Don’t say it.” He wasn’t ready. He might never be ready for that kind of risk.
If she was his mate, what would happen when she left? What would happen when she went back to her shop—and her life—without him? What would happen if he lost her? Everyone knew the stories of mates driven mad in their grief. The anguish he’d felt when he lost Rayan was bad enough. The desperation he’d felt when Izzy moved out of the castle was even worse. If she was his… if he…. Gods, he couldn’t breathe.
He stomped away, turned roughly, and strode back again. His chest ached, and his hands were in agony. “Izzy, this…. We only have tonight.” He cleared his throat. “We said….”
“I know what we said, Luka.” Her voice was small and shaky. He glanced back down at her, where she’d wrapped her armsaround herself, her face no longer flushed and glowing but pale and drawn.
“Izzy, I….” He left the sentence hanging. What could he possibly say? She saw his claws as a gift, but he knew them for what they really were. A curse. A guarantee of utter, catastrophic heartbreak.
She watched him for long moments, hurt and pain growing in her eyes until he thought he could drown in the desolation. And then, when he still hadn’t said anything, she stood up and picked a path away from the pool. She didn’t look back.
He followed closely, watching for danger but finding none other than the misery that raged inside him… and in her. They dressed in silence as he frantically looked for the words to make this right, but couldn’t find any.
You hurt her again.
He had. He knew that, and he wanted to fix it, but he didn’t know how. Izzy’s movements were jerky and stiff, and he wanted to hold her, to pull her into his body and comfort her, but he didn’t know how to do that either.
Chapter
Twenty-Six
Izzy saton the side of Luka’s bed wrapped in the extra blanket he’d brought her, drinking the tea he’d made her, and tried not to cry. He’d bustled around her like she was a child. He was clearly distressed. His scales flickered as they spread and retreated, only to spread once more. His beast’s unceasing growl was audible across the room. But he was just as clearly unable to get past his horror at the thought she was his mate.
As soon as she was safely settled, he muttered something about checking guard rosters and fled, which was ridiculous. A copy of the guard rosters was on the wall behind his desk, right where she could see them.
Part of her wanted to make excuses for him. He was afraid. He’d lost his mother very young; she’d left him with two hardened sailors and never looked back. His father had died, and his grandfather had dumped him at the castle and walked away. Then he’d lost his best friend. They had been apart for years. It happened fast. He wasn’t ready… she understood that. But another part of her was so very tired.
He’s acting like a coward,her beast muttered darkly.I expected better.
He wasn’t a coward, though. He was always the first to dive into danger, brave and loyal to a fault. She’d seen him jump off the rocky outcrops into a churning ocean to help a child, put himself directly in front of Shane if there was any hint of danger, and go toe to toe with the old king if he thought someone needed help. It was only her he couldn’t face.
That’s different. He’s not afraid for his body or his life… only his heart.
Izzy sniffed. Her own heart ached. What did that count for? Every time she let herself hope, even a little, this was how it ended.
Which reminded her…. She finished her tea, then opened the satchel she’d abandoned in Luka’s room the day before. She pulled out a small packet of herbs—wild carrot seed mixed with dried smartweed—and poured it into the empty cup with a splash of cold water. The taste was grassy with a hint of bitterness. Not nice, exactly, but not impossible to swallow. Just one more horrible thing she had to get through.
Her beast hmphed, but Izzy didn’t reply. She slid down to lie on Luka’s bed and pulled the blanket all the way up to her nose. She lay silently for a while, remembering the way she’d felt on their flight over the mountain, the way Luka kissed her, their bodies wrapped so closely together. For a brief, beautiful moment, she’d held everything she wanted. Those memories would have to be enough.
