“I love you,” he whispered. “I’m glad, so glad we had this time. I wouldn’t take it back.” He lifted his hand to her precious face, streaked with tears and wracked with desperation. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay. I wanted to. I would have, if I could.”
“Don’t leave me,” she sobbed. “Please. Please, Josh.”
He shuddered, body spasming. The words unraveled through him. They couldn’t hold him this time. He’d had his moment. His precious, shining, magical moment.
Ellie must have felt it too, because her tears poured harder. Her hands cradling his face were almost as cold as he was. “I love you. Do you hear me?” She kissed him frantically. “I don’t want to be without you. I can’t do it.”
“You’re the strongest person I ever met.” He coughed, the taste of iron filling his mouth. “You can do anything. Tell them I said goodbye.”
There was Ellie.
And then there was only darkness.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Ellie movedthrough the world as if she was a phantom herself. The paramedics came and bustled around Victoria while Ellie held her hand and tried to explain what had happened.
She found Nissy and cradled her small body while she rang the emergency vet and tried to talk through her sobs.
The police came and dragged Warren away as he cursed and stumbled, pausing to vomit all over her driveway before being shoved into the back of a police car. Blue lights swirled. People shouted. But all she could hear was Josh saying goodbye. All she could feel was Nissy’s panted breaths.
She called Liam. She said something, tried to explain. Or maybe she didn’t. Maybe she just cried, and he knew what she couldn’t say.
Somehow—she didn’t know how, she couldn’t remember giving her address—a vet came and took Nissy, promising to care for her as if she was his own. It physically hurt to part with her, but there was nothing more Ellie could do to help her. She had to trust. Even so, she clung to Nissy’s precious body, wishing she could somehow imprint her with her love before she reluctantly handed her over.
Then she climbed into the ambulance with Vic. They rode to the hospital together, both crying, their hands gripped tightly even as the paramedics worked around them.
She called Vic’s mum and then sat beside her bed until she was taken away for surgery.
She called her dad and left a message when he didn’t answer.
Everything was a blur.
She found Josh’s ward and stumbled there, begging to see him. She had to see him. The nurse said something, but she couldn’t hear what it was, only the gist. She couldn’t go in. She wasn’t family. Oh God.
She couldn’t breathe. Her lungs were trapped in a vise. Her entire body trembled, panic clawing at her. Ellie doubled over, wrapping her arms around her waist, trying to suck in air. The panic was back, and this time it wasn’t a familiar demon; it was a vast and terrifying monster. It was right on top of her, tearing at her skin, suffocating her, overwhelming her.
Josh needed her. She didn’t know if he was still alive. Didn’t know if the knife had destroyed him. Didn’t know if he was lost in the darkness. And she couldn’t reach him. She couldn’t even breathe.
And then, suddenly she wasn’t alone. Soft, warm arms came around her and Donna was there. And then Liam too. Donna held her like a mother would. Whispering and shushing. And she clung to her, weeping with her, finding her path back through the panic, as Donna’s words slowly penetrated. “He’s alive.”
Ellie scrubbed shaking hands over her cheeks. “He’s alive?”
“He’s still unconscious. And there was—” Donna took her hands and gripped them in her own. “There was a scare. His heart stopped. But they got him back.”
“Is he…? Did he wake up at all?” Ellie whispered.
Donna shook her head, a tiny, tired motion. “No. He’s still in a coma.”
God. Ellie didn’t want to tell them. Didn’t think she could bear it. But she forced the words out. “He was… hurt. There was a knife.” She swallowed against the heavy ache in her throat. “He said goodbye.”
Donna flinched, blinking against her tears. “I think I knew.”
“I’m sorry,” Ellie whispered, despair and grief, guilt and fear twisting through her. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”
Donna tugged her to sit in one of the plastic chairs, Liam on her other side, and waited until Ellie looked up and met her eyes. “None of this is your fault, Ellie. None of it. You brought my sonback.”She leaned forward, still gripping Ellie’s hands. “Do you know how seldom he smiled? After his father left, it was like he had to save everyone, all the time. But with you—he laughed again. He was happy. You gave him that.” Fresh tears flooded over and slid down Donna’s face. “He loved you, and I’m glad.”
“I’m glad too,” Liam agreed brokenly. And they clung to each other, three strangers brought together by their love for Josh, supporting and holding one another.
