Proud and a little terrified. Because it was time to tell Vic. And it was going to hurt.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Josh putthe glass of wine on Ellie’s desk and settled his hands on her shoulders. Her neck was a solid mass of knots. How she was even still sitting at her desk, he didn’t know. He dug his fingers into the stiff muscles, and she groaned, letting her eyes drift shut.
“Why don’t you take a break?” he asked. “You’ve been in here for hours.”
Ever since calling Vic.
He’d listened as she tried to get through several times, and then ultimately left a short message saying that she’d decided not to sell her game and that she’d let Silver Wolff know the deal would not be going ahead. Ellie had explained that she really wanted to help with Vic’s house and that she had already spoken to her bank about a loan.
Vic’s response, five minutes later, had been her written resignation.
And he’d watched Ellie fold into herself. The brittle way she’d held herself when she showed him the message had made him want to burn the world down.
Ellie gave so much of herself. Her time. Her love. Her loyalty. It was unfathomable to him that she could be taken for granted and treated so abominably.
The only problem was, the rest of the world couldn’t even see him. And even if he could have stormed over to Vic’s house to ask her what on earth she was thinking, Ellie would never have wanted that. She was utterly convinced Vic was in trouble and needed help.
Ellie had tucked away her phone, given him history’s least believable smile, and then disappeared into her office. He’d seen her a couple of times since then. She’d emerged for coffee and toilet breaks, she’d petted Nissy and checked her food, and came out once to order a pizza—for one, since he still couldn’t stomach anything—but she’d always retreated again. And judging by the leftovers on the kitchen counter, she hadn’t actually eaten any of it. And now night had fallen, and the day was almost over.
He understood. Her office was her safe place. The place she was in control. But it was a day she would never get back. A daytheywould never get back—although he was trying not to think about how that made him feel—and he wanted more for her.
He kneaded the muscles of her shoulders and up into her neck, finding the knots and points of tension along her skull. “How can I help?”
Her head dropped forward, her shoulders rising and falling on a deep sigh. “I wanted to get some work done. With Vic not there…” She swallowed the rest, and he wanted to scoop her up and take her far away.
But then she straightened and turned to look at him over her shoulder. “Anyway, I think Duane has a good handle on the storylines now and he’s done a great job stepping up as head of Development. We’re okay.” She gave him a small smile. Thankfully, it was slightly more authentic than her earlier attempt. “How did you get on?”
“I can’t find anything helpful,” Josh admitted.
He’d spent hours looking into wild bird conservation in Scotland. It seemed familiar. But then, so did Ellie’s forested paths. He hadn’t seen anything that immediately called out to him. Nothing that felt like home. And he hadn’t found any record of himself as a missing person. Or even found himself on any staff lists.
Did he not have a home? Were any of the things he thought he remembered real? Did he even want to know?
Ellie spun her chair around to face him, her hands coming up to his waist. “I’m sorry. I really thought we were getting closer.” Her hands were warm and reassuring on his hips, even as her brow creased into a concerned frown. “Are you okay?”
We.Such a small word, and yet so powerful. And so typical of Ellie; concerned about him even in the middle of her own distress.
For a moment, he almost admitted the truth. That with every day that passed, his foreboding grew. Something in him didn’t want to find out who he was. A part of him knew that if—when—he found his past, everything would change. But he didn’t want to name it and make it real. And he didn’t want to add to her burdens with vague fears and premonitions.
“I’m fine. Frustrated, but fine.” Josh bent down and kissed her forehead. “But it’s you I’m worried about. You can’t do it all, Ellie. Not in one day.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Are you doubting me?”
He chuckled and kissed her again. “Not even a little. But I know you can’t keep going like this. Not forever. It’ll all still be here in the morning. And I—” He left the rest unsaid, but the words still hovered between them.I might not.
Ellie winced. “Crap. I’ve been in here all day. I?—”
“No.” He stroked his fingers through her hair, pulling it back from the sides of her face as he looked down at her. Her eyeswere focused on his, as they had been since that very first day. Green with a silver-gray rim. He could dive into them forever. “That’s not what I meant. I know you have to work; there’s a lot riding on you. But you’ve worked all day. You could take a break for a bit without everything falling apart.”
He leaned down to kiss her, loving how her hands came up to cradle his face, how she met him in every way.
When they finally broke apart, he pulled up a chair and sat beside her. “Okay, I’m ready.”
“For what?”
He nudged her shoulder with his. “Your game. You’ve suggested it twice—let’s play.”
