She turned her head up to look at him, one brow raised in question.
“I heard the owls,” he explained, as if that was an answer. He lifted a lock of hair and caressed it between finger and thumb. “They’re calling to each other. Claiming their territory—and each other.”
“Owls?”
“A pair.”
Not only was Ellie haunting him, now even the owls were taunting him with their duet. Calling back and forth. Choosing to share their lives.
“I didn’t realize that hooting was more than one owl,” Ellie said, only half awake.
“Tawny owls,” he replied, tucking the soft strands behind her ear. “They mate for life.”
“That’s beautiful. Better than the nightingale.” She lowered her head back to his chest and closed her eyes sleepily. And then shot back up, eyes wide. “I didn’t know that,” she whispered.
“About the owls?” He let out a self-deprecating huff. “I don’t know where I live, but I can tell you all about the local bird life.”
“No.” She cupped his cheek with her hand, turning his face to look her right in the eye. “I didn’t know that tawny owls mate for life. The same as I didn’t identify the nightingale.” Her expression was completely serious. “Josh, I couldn’t have hallucinated something I didn’t know.”
He stilled. “Did you still believe I was a hallucination?”
“No.” She shook her head roughly. “I mean… I didn’t think so. I wanted…” She let out a long breath. “I wanted you to be here, with me.”
“Iamhere.”
Doubt and fear and hope tangled together in her expression, and he wanted to give her something. Give her some of what she gave him. He lifted her hand from where it rested on his chest, brought it to his lips, and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. And then another. “I was just thinking that you—touching you—makes me remember myself.”
She settled onto her side, resting on one elbow. “What do you mean?”
“When you touch me, I feel as if I’m coming back. I start to remember pieces of my life. It’s like…” He paused, not quite finding the words he wanted. He let go of her hand, and she settled it back on his chest, a warm weight right over his heart. “It’s like you’re a candle, casting light, showing me where I am. Showing mewhoI am.”
She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. And if he was another man, a man who could really allow himself to feel, he might have wept for how tender and gentle it was.
She stroked her thumb along his jaw, rasping through the bristles. “And do you? Remember who you are?”
She sounded so encouraging, and her eyes held so much empathy, that he almost didn’t want to tell her no. But lying was not in his nature—and Ellie deserved the full truth. “I know my name is Josh. I know I cut my lip with a skateboard when I was trying to prove how cool I was. And I know that, right now, there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be than here, holding you.”
She stayed there, looking down at him for a beat, and then dipped to press a soft kiss to his lips. He slid his hand up her back, savoring her smooth skin, letting the kiss take them both away. But not for long enough. She had more questions.
Ellie raised her head, her eyes flicking between his as she met his gaze. “And do you remember the other place? The place you go when… when you’re not here.”
An image of a large navy blue SUV flickered in his memory, but he blinked it away. “I’m only aware of three places: here with you, the darkness, and somewhere cold and bright and painful.” He threaded his fingers through her hair and kissed her again, needing her lips on his.
She drew away and settled herself back down, nestling her head under his chin and wrapping her arm around his chest. Perhaps to get closer. Perhaps for reassurance. Perhaps so that she could look away as she asked in a low voice, “Why here, Josh? Why do you come?”
There was an answer, somewhere lost in the mist of his memories. Like a word he couldn’t remember, sitting at the tip of his tongue, scratching at the back of his mind. But he couldn’t reach it.
But there was one thing he knew, one certainty he could offer unreservedly. “Becauseyou’rehere.”
Chapter Sixteen
“Areyou sure you want to do this?” Josh asked as Ellie stepped outside and locked the front door behind them. Going for a Sunday afternoon drive was her idea, but she’d been looking a little pale since she suggested it, and the idea of watching her suffer made him feel… something. Something he didn’t like.
“Yes. I want to take you out for a while. I want to show you some of the places I love.” She flashed him a small, determined grin. “Maybe you’ll even recognize them.”
He forced himself not to take a step back. Hell. That was even worse. “Don’t do this for me, Ellie. Please.”
She tilted her head to the side watching him. “Don’t you want to go?”
