He probably thought he had his emotions locked down. But he was wrong.
She focused on the screen, trying to forget how he’d growled her name, his breath hot on her neck. How he’d fit between her thighs. How she’d wanted him so much closer. How easy it would be to walk over and straddle those big thighs. To unzip his jeans and free them both.
“Ellie?” His voice intruded on the fantasy.
“Mm-hmm?”
“Are you alright?”
“Of course,” she muttered, not looking up. She was working. Anyone could see. She tapped a few keys to prove the point.
“You’ve gone pink.”
She lifted her head at that only to see his knowing look, one eyebrow raised. And damn him. Damn him for breaking into her world and upending her life, and then disappearing. Damn him for making her feel so flustered. For stripping her control when she needed it most. For leaving her so obsessed. For kissing her in a way that made her come alive. For kisses that were probably only perfect because they came directly from her own subconscious.
She glared at him. “You know, for a hallucination, you can be pretty smug.”
He rocked the chair forward, landing the two front legs with a sharp thud before standing up and walking to the window. The stiffness was back in his shoulders, his brooding turned more bitter.
Guilt prickled down her spine. He wanted her to believe, and she’d promised she would. At the very least, she could try.
She closed her laptop with a soft click and rose to join him, standing just behind his shoulder. He must have known she was there, but he didn’t turn.
“I don’t have to work all afternoon,” she offered. “Why don’t we do something together?”
“I thought you were on a deadline.” He didn’t sound annoyed, just resigned.
And he was right, she was. Usually, nothing would have dragged her away. But she was always on a deadline. And maybe that had been a mistake. “It’s under control.” The storylines were back on track. The game mechanics were looking good. The e-mails piling up… not so much, but this was more important. And for the first time in her life, she was ready to prioritizeliving. “What do you feel like doing?”
He shrugged, turning to look at her over his shoulder, frustration etched into his face. “We could go see my place… oh, wait.” The words were sharp, but the pain beneath them was real.
She settled her hand on Josh’s back. Josh. The name fit him, and she liked knowing it. His muscles were even tighter than they’d looked. And a wave of tenderness rose through her. She wanted to take away that tension. To protect him somehow.
“We could…” She cast around for ideas and realized he still hadn’t eaten anything. “We could cook. How do you feel about shepherd’s pie?” she offered. He turned to face her, and she let her hands rest on his chest.
“I love shepherd’s pie… but I’m just—” He shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t feel like eating. At all.”
She wrinkled her nose at him, thinking. “We could play a game. It doesn’t have to be mine; it could be anything. How aboutThe Last of Us?”
His stress seemed to ease as he looked down at her, his rigid neck muscles releasing some small measure of their tension. He lifted a strand of hair from her shoulder and ran it slowly between his fingers before tucking it behind her ear. The rough pads of his fingers brushed over her skin with a soft sweep. “Could we go for a drive instead?” he asked.
She stiffened—all the tension he had lost transferring over to her. How did he manage to choose the one thing she really didn’t want to do?
Josh frowned. “I thought maybe if we drove around, I might see something I recognize,” he said, watching her. “I might remember something.”
Ellie nodded slowly. She’d wanted him to look for answers, and now he was offering to try. And she had to do it sometime, right? She had to get behind the wheel and actually drive somewhere eventually.
More than that. Shewantedto. She didn’t want to be stuck in her house for the rest of her life. Maybe this was the right time? Josh wanted to find himself—and she wanted to help.
“Let’s—” Her mouth was so dry she had to swallow and try again. “Let’s go now.”
He blinked. “Right now?”
“Absolutely.” Because if she didn’t go immediately, it was going to build up bigger and bigger in her head. She’d committed. She had momentum. She wanted to gonow.
She turned away, ready to close up the house and grab her keys, but Josh stopped her with his hand on her arm. “Ellie?”
She tried to tug him forward, but he turned her instead, pulling her closer until she was flush against him. “What’s going on?” he asked carefully.
