It would be so easy to wave the question away. She could forgive David. Honestly, she already had. But forgetting… that was much harder. And trying again, well, that was a decision she still had to make. And then she realized that James wasn’t actually asking about her. “I don’t know if Riley will forgive you, James,” she said as kindly as she could, but he still stiffened, his jaw clenching tight enough that she could see the muscles shifting in the low light.
She flipped her hand over and laced their fingers together. “I know it hurts, James, but you’ll get through this, I promise. Maybe one day you’ll find your way back to each other. Or maybe you’ll find a new love. A different love. One that you’ll come to with the lessons you’ve learned as your foundation.” She smiled at him, and it felt true. She had been blessed with so much love. It was time to remember how much she had. And to remind James. “But, in the meantime, you are part of our family. Kay, Zach, David, Bryn, and I—we all love you.”
James shook his head. “David doesn’t—”
She cut him off with a glare. “David didn’t hesitate to try to save you even when he thought there was nothing left of you to save. Even when you’d kidnapped me and were riddled with blood Shadows in a way that no one in history has ever survived before.” She softened her gaze. “He’s pretty shit at showing that he cares, though. I’ll give you that.”
James snorted, lips twitching, and that moment of lightness gave her more hope than anything else he’d done. She gripped his hand more firmly. “You are not alone, James. You never were.”
And neither was she.
She lifted her eyes to the slowly drifting Shadows, lustrous with their intertwined mulberry, burgundy, midnight, and sky blues, hints of the ocean, of forests, and the soft sheen of precious gemstones. They were more than a family. They were a family who chose each other.
She closed her eyes for a moment and sent a thought to Alasdair, Kay’s grandfather, the man who had given her so much love that she couldn’t help but love him back. She missed him deeply. He would have been so proud of the family she had made. He would have been proud of her.
It was time to put away her doubts and remember who she was.
Time to throw her support behind Kay and face Gordon. Time to fight. And to ensure that she never knelt weeping beside David’s still body.
ChapterTwelve
Riley sniffed as quietly asshe could, not daring to move, even to wipe away the steady stream of tears that had tracked down her cheeks.
When James had stepped into the living room, she’d already been swathed in darkness, her Shadows pinned close to her chest. She was tucked into the recess of the armchair, hiding from the world. All she’d had to do was hold her breath as he walked past, and she knew she was invisible.
Even so, he’d paused for a moment, looking into the dark. Perhaps wondering if she was there. Perhaps remembering the night before. In another second, he would have sensed her, despite her ruthless hold on her Shadows, but Elizabeth had made a noise, and he’d stiffened, distracted. And then he’d turned toward the warmly lit kitchen instead.
She’d been so relieved. She needed time. Space. She needed to be far away from him because when he was close, her thoughts muddled and all she wanted was to push her face into his neck and breathe in his skin. To hold him while he held her. To feel their Shadows pulling them closer and closer together and pretend that nothing had ever pulled them apart.
If he came too close, she would kiss him again. And she couldn’t take that risk. It wasn’t fair to either of them. As soon as she’d touched her lips to his, she’d wished…. Well, she couldn’t wish she hadn’t done it. At that moment, it was exactly what shedidwant. But she wished she wasn’t so conflicted. She wished she knew what the hell to do.
How on earth had she ended up kissing the man twice in the last twelve hours? It was insane. It was a glorious disaster. It was a recipe for pain for everyone involved.
He'd told her he loved her. Clear-headed and clear-eyed, he’d looked right at her, and… she’d panicked. She hadn’t known what to say or do, so she changed the subject even though her heart was screaming. And the jagged pain in his eyes had nearly brought her to her knees. And then she’d kissed him and made everything a hundred times worse.
She should be staying away and keeping herself safe… shouldn’t she? Or was that completely wrong? God. She had no idea what to do.
So, when he’d walked past her on his way into the kitchen to take his midnight shift with the wards, she’d stayed completely still as he looked into the darkness. And she’d been grateful when he’d moved quietly away.
But he hadn’t quite closed the door into the kitchen. Perhaps because he thought she was asleep in her room. Perhaps because he was tired and hungry, sad and distracted. Perhaps because he hadn’t expected Elizabeth to be there already, and it clearly rattled him. Whatever the reason, it meant she could hear them talking—every last painful, murmured word—as if she were right there with them.
And she immediately knew that Elizabeth was even more right than she realized. James thought he was a monster, so his Shadows came out twisted. Especially when he concentrated on them. His Shadows would never fully heal—hewould never fully heal—until he could forgive himself.
But how could she expect him to forgive himself if she wouldn’t forgive him?
Elizabeth’s final words came back to her, ringing with truth. James would heal eventually. Perhaps not immediately, but one day he would learn how to forgive himself. And when he did, he would find love.
Maybe there was someone else out there whose Shadows chose his, maybe not. But it wouldn’t matter either way if that future person could see how brave and loyal James was, how funny and kind and charming he could be. If that stranger’s heart wanted his, their Shadows would follow eventually, and James would move on.
Was Riley really going to let that happen?
She risked using her sleeve to wipe her face. Maybe they hadn’t been fully honest with each other before. Or maybe they hadn’t known how to be honest. How to be truly vulnerable. Or maybe he had been trying to be more honest than she ever gave him credit for. Did that mean it was too late for them to learn?
Or could she accept that maybe he had genuinely wanted the best for her all along. That his actions had never contradicted his words—only her perceptions had. That his mistakes were sincere, and he was working hard to fix them. And, most important of all, that he truly did love her. Which was all she’d ever wanted anyway.
Riley dropped her feet to the floor and sat up straight, letting the truth fill her. Kay was right. She wasn’t confused. She’d been afraid. And she’d let her fear drive her.
She relaxed her grip on her Shadows and watched as they immediately reached for James. Could she be brave enough to let them?
