Emma twisted to sit in his lap, sliding her arm around his neck as she pressed a kiss to his temple. Offering comfort. “It’ll be okay. We’ll watch them in shifts. Take turns while we decide what to do next.”
“Emma’s right. It’s the only way to keep everyone safe.” Elizabeth pushed a lock of hair from her face, her mouth drawn into a tight line. “Hell. They tracked me. I—”
Before she could finish her sentence, David was there, reaching out to grasp her hand. “No, Liz. No one blames you for trying to do the right thing. You’ve held all of us together all this time. Gordon is responsible for his Seers, and they are responsible for following his orders.” He took a step closer to her, and then without even glancing at the audience around them, he murmured. “Can I hold you? Please?”
Elizabeth’s eyes were round, her face pale, but she nodded slightly. Just a tiny dip of her chin. David didn’t hesitate. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, their Shadows flaring bright and wild.
And God. Riley shouldn’t have felt that spark of envy. She shouldn’t. But shedid. Never had she felt as alone as she did in that moment. Zach held Emma, still supported within the safety of his triad with Kay and James. Bryn and Ethan stood side by side, looking fondly at David as he embraced Elizabeth.
While she stood outside it all, alone, as always.
Her eyes flicked to James, drawn to him with a compulsion that she couldn’t deny. But she was totally unprepared for what he looked like. Haggard and gray, sweat beading along his hairline, as if the Shadows he’d woven had cost him dearly.
And his Shadows. They were wrong in a way that was impossible to ignore. His Shadows were bent and broken, half-formed and twisted. And they didn’t make sense at all.
Riley took a step forward, speaking before she could stop herself. “God, James, why do your Shadows look so horrible?” Her words fell heavily into the silent room, and everyone spun to look at her.
She wished she could sink down and dissolve into Shadow herself. Or, at the very least, take those stupid words and shove them back into her mouth. They were hurtful and harsh and not at all what she’d meant.
She’d noticed his Shadows seemed tattered and frayed when she’d Healed him, but she’d assumed that was the poison—especially when they grew stronger, clearer, and more vibrant once he’d passed out. And, although she hadn’t seen them, she’d felt them last night, sliding over her body with confidence and intent. Why were they distorted and misshapen now?
But before she could explain or make it any better, James stumbled away from his triad. He cleared his throat roughly, his gaze directed at the floor. “I’m going to lie down. I’ll take the night shift.”
“James,” Kay tried to call him back, but he shook his head, not lifting his gaze.
Riley reached a hand toward him, wishing she could hold him even as she knew he was too far away. “Please, I didn’t mean—”
He cut her off with a grunt, still not meeting her eyes. Then he turned and stalked away.
Kay turned to glare at Riley, her eyes as cold as she’d ever seen them. “What the hell was that?”
“I just—” Riley swallowed, trying to pull herself back together. “I’m a Healer. Something is wrong with James.”
Kay shook her head. “I would like to be friends with you, Riley, but that doesn’t mean I can stand back and let you hurt James.” Her eyes flicked to Ethan. “Or anyone else.”
“I know.” Riley truly couldn’t imagine Kay would ever stand back while someone got hurt, especially not her chosen family. And now that Riley thought about it, what she’d said had also sounded pretty insulting to all the other Healers in the room. The Healers who’d been treating James for weeks. Hell. “I’m explaining myself badly. And I know you’ve done a lot for James. I just thought… maybe we can help him. I mean, not me, obviously. It’s better if I’m not involved, but—”
Kay’s eyes narrowed as she cut her off. “I thought James pushed you away in some kind of misguided heroic attempt to keep you safe. But now I’m starting to realize that you pushed him away just as hard.”
“I didn’t….”
“You just did.”
Did she? She wanted to deny it. She wanted—
“You’re so much more alike than I realized,” Kay continued, seemingly unaware of the destruction she was causing to Riley’s heart. “He’s afraid and broken and sad. But you… you’re terrified. I don’t think you wanted to keep him a secret because it was exciting, I think you wanted to keep him secret because you were certain it would never last.”
Riley rubbed at her aching chest. That struck far too close.
But Kay wasn’t done. “Look me in the eye and tell me he never wanted me and Zach to know you were together. That he didn’t want us to know the truth.”
Riley took a step back, shaking her head, trying not to listen to Zach’s pained groan. Oh, God. Zach had felt so betrayed…. She hadn’t thought of that until now. And the guilt was overwhelming. This wasn’t her. She didn’t hurt people—she helped them. And she wasn’t terrified. She didn’t let her fears rule her life like her parents did. She faced her fears….
Except for her fear of never fitting in. Except for her fear that she would always be alone. Her fear of James moving on. Had she even admitted those to herself until now?
“Never mind.” Kay’s voice was resigned. “I’ll talk to him.”
“No, please.” Riley stopped her with a hand on her arm. She had too many thoughts churning through her mind to be able to express them all, so she settled for the most important one. “I’ll go. It has to be me.”
