ChapterOne
Wales
Riley stood on the dirt driveway, looking toward the faded blue door of the tiny stone cottage.
The wild and isolated smallholding was similar enough to the childhood home she’d left behind—walked away from, if she was being completely honest—that it tugged at her heart with bittersweet nostalgia. And somehow made her feel very small and alone, like a lost child once more.
The fresh summer air of the Brecon Beacons was alive with the shrillkee-kee-keeof hunting kestrels and the grassy scent of sun-drenched wildflower fields, and Riley allowed her Shadows to unspool. To float out to the high, fluttering heartbeats of the hunting birds and down to the busy insects in the buttercups, and then to expand even further, out to the solid, stable weight of the sandstone mountain peaks rising in the distance.
But the living things that called to her Healer’s shadows—and usually gave her peace—did nothing to settle the restless unease that threaded through her.
She should have felt relief. Comfort, at the very least. Emma was safe—she and Zach had destroyed Gordon’s blood Shadows—and they were on their way back to Wales. The rest of their tattered Circle had already made their way to Bryn’s cottage, and soon they would all be together.
But the thought of everyone being back together didn’t reassure her as it should have. Instead, it was why she was hiding outside, pretending to admire the view.
Jameswas part of this family. This group of friends who had somehow found one another and held on. He was in Bryn’s cottage, and as soon as she stepped inside the door, she would have to face him.
I did walk away from you,he’d said, and I’m walking away again. The only difference is that this time, I can say goodbye. The words that had been stuck in her head on repeat. Lodged there along with his look of utter devastation.
But he’d said more too.I never used you. Never. I had reasons…. They seemed good at the time…. The time we had together, I’ll never forget it. Goodbye, Riley.
And what was she supposed to do with that?
Her enraged betrayal and grief were still too consuming. Her rapidly shifting understanding of what had really happened was still too muddled.
When Gordon told her James was cheating on her and that everyone in the Circle knew except her, it had been all too easy to believe. From the time she’d arrived in London, she’d heard of his exploits. How charming he was. How easily he made friends. How he never stayed with the same woman longer than a night, maybe two.
She was the loner who couldn’t quite believe the most popular guy in the Circle really wanted her. Finding out hedidn’twant her made perfect sense.
And then there were all the secrets. And the lies.
She’d driven to Wales in a haze of righteous fury, swinging wildly between wanting to kill James and wishing she’d never met him at all. Determined to confront him and Kay. To see for herself the truth of what he’d done and look him in the eye when she told him exactly what she thought of him.
She was cautious, diving into new relationships, sure. Not always comfortable with making friends, fair enough. That didn’t mean she couldn’t stand up for herself.
But that wasn’t how it worked out. Gordon had lied. He’d manipulated and hurt her to get to James. And that was worth thinking about too. If her distress could punish James, what did that even mean? She was so confused.
And James had just looked devastated. She had never imagined that he could seem so brittle. He had lost weight but gained rangy muscle. He seemed to have given up shaving at the same time as eating. His charming, boyish grin was gone, and in its place, there was nothing but pain.
He had watched her for a long, fraught moment, a million unnamable emotions flickering over his face. And part of her had imagined that he would pull her into his arms… drop to his knees… beg her forgiveness…something. But he hadn’t. He had looked her in the eyes and said the words that were carved into her brain.The time we had together…. I’ll never forget it. Goodbye, Riley.
And then he had turned and walked away.
At the first opportunity, he fled to Bryn’s house, and he didn’t come back. He didn’t speak to her or contact her. It was as if she didn’t exist at all. He said things that made it sound as if he cared for her… and then he ghosted her. Again.
A sob bubbled in her chest, half scream of rage, half howl of misery, but she swallowed it down. James had never cared for her. If he had, he would never have left her terrified and looking for him for so long.
Emma and Zach were safe. And the others didn’t need her, not really. Now that everyone was safe, she could accept the truth: she’d never fitted in like she wanted to. She could pack up, move somewhere new, and start again. Hope that next time would be better. Like she had so many times before.
And yet… a small voice inside her whispered of how desperately James had defended her over her call to Gordon. The man who everyone had absolutely legitimate reasons to fear and mistrust. James put himself between her and Kay—his best friend—no questions asked. And God, how he’d looked at her. Like she was everything good and precious. The only light in a world of darkness. On top of that, both Kay and Emma were completely certain that everything James had done had been to protect them. To protecther.
Riley’s Shadows didn’t agree with any of her confused thoughts about leaving him either. They twisted and turned, tendrils creeping out like vines, desperate to search for his answering sky-blue.
She hauled them back, locking them tight against her body, and swallowed down the bitter queasiness that tried to rise.
Riley pulled her hair out of the braid that had started to come loose and re-plaited it safely out of her face. James had always loved her thick curls. He’d run his hands through the unruly tangle, whispering how glorious he thought she was. How she was his home…. Gah. She wasn’t going to think about that. It was all a load of lies—at best, half-truths—that she needed to forget. She had always been alone before. She could do it again.
Still. It wouldn’t be right to leave without telling the others. That was why she had to pull herself together and go back inside. Not for James, but because it was the right thing to do. She would never leave a patient in the dark, even if it meant delivering bad news. And she wouldn’t leave her new Circle without an explanation either.
