ChapterTwenty-Nine
David pacedthe length of his office and then back again. He looked out the window at the beautifully manicured gardens of the Circle House and then back at his office. His eyes traveled over his overflowing desk and the photographs on his back wall. Photographs of beautiful places he’d visited—all alone.
It was so easy to see the mistakes that others made, and so much harder to have to face his own. He’d run from Elizabeth for years, utterly convinced that he was wrong for her. And he was still running.
He should have stayed in Wales. Instead, he’d thrown up the same old wall. Work. Commitments. Responsibilities. He’d held Elizabeth in his arms just long enough to know that he never stopped loving her, and then fled.
He glanced down at the monitor. Emma hadn’t moved.
He’d been so proud to join the Council. The boy who grew up with nothing, now one of the leaders of the Order. He’d wanted to make changes, and he was so very sure of his path. When Elizabeth asked him to reconsider, all he’d done was dig his heels in further. Alasdair—Elizabeth’s husband—had died serving the Council and he wanted to…. He didn’t really know what. Continue Alasdair’s work? Atone? Fill the hole that Alasdair had left within the Order? It was fucking arrogant, now that he thought about it.
David rested his hands on the side of his desk and hung his head. The Council had played him all along. They had known exactly where Gordon was, and they’d looked him in the eye and lied.
Elizabeth had known something was wrong. She’d shared her fears with Kay, but she hadn’t told him. And she’d been right not to. After all, the first thing he did when he found out was to insist they go to the Council with their concerns.
His phone buzzed on his desk and he lifted it to see a message from Zach detailing Gordon’s address and his plan to sneak inside.
Zach was fighting for the woman he loved. He’d let go of the shields he’d built around his heart and gone after Emma. And David had never been prouder.
David forwarded Zach’s message to Kay, then he went back to sit behind his desk. He ran his hands slowly along the smooth surface. It was hand-carved from Sheesham wood by a master craftsman in Saharanpur and he’d brought it home with him when he returned to take up the role of Custodian in London.
He’d visited the markets, explored India, brought the desk home, and taken up his London office alone. In all that time, in all the decades that had passed since Alasdair died, he had never reached out to Elizabeth even once.
He glanced at the monitor again—still no movement—and then picked up his phone and made the call he should have made years before.
“Hello, David.” Elizabeth sounded tired. Her voice was soft but coolly distant.
He’d had her in his arms. After so many years of dreaming of her, remembering her, wishing he could just touch her one more time, he’d finally held her. And then he’d left. Again.
He should say something. There were so many things to tell her. But now that it came to it, his mind was blank.
“David? Do you need something?”
He almost laughed. He had needed her every day since he’d left. But that wasn’t what she’d meant. “No. Not really.”
“Okay….” He could hear the confusion in her voice. “Do you want to speak to someone else?”
“No. I just—” He leaned back heavily in his chair. “I wanted to say something. Something I should have said a long time ago.”
“What did you want to say?” Elizabeth’s voice sounded strangely hesitant, so different to her usual fiery presence. She was still struggling after her kidnapping—more than he’d realized before Emma told him the whole truth—but she was also wary of him. This was the damage he’d done. He’d left her again, and she didn’t trust him.
He needed to tell her everything, and he couldn’t make her wait, not anymore.
“Elizabeth, I love you. I never stopped loving you. All these years, I’ve dreamed of you. When you were kidnapped, I thought… I thought my heart would stop.”
She drew in a shocked gasp, and he couldn’t blame her. He’d never told her he loved her. He’d only told her it was impossible. He’d forced himself to step away from her and coldly point out that just because their Shadows chose each other didn’t mean their hearts did. He’d told her, to her face, that his heart would never choose hers when in reality, it was breaking.
She was so brave, so determined. She’d told him that she still loved him, even though he didn’t love her in return. But he’d still refused to admit the truth. Never once, in all the years that her long-ago love sustained him, had he admitted how he really felt. Until now.
Emma and Zach had shown him the way. It wasn’t too late. Maybe he and Elizabeth would never be together, but he still owed her his honesty.
“I love you, Liz. I loved you then, and I still do. My great regret is that I didn’t take the beautiful chance you offered me. I love your passion and your courage. The way you protect your family and how you took Kay in when she needed you. I love your fierce intelligence and your kindness. You are everything to me.”
Her voice choked. “I can’t… David. I had….” She let out a rough breath. “I had a whole life without you.”
“I know.” He did know. And he couldn’t begrudge her any of it, not one second. “And I’m so glad you did. I’m glad that you found Alasdair and that he loved you so completely. I’m glad you loved him back. I’m glad for all the happiness you’ve had.”
“Why… why are you telling me this now?” she whispered.
