There was another long silence, and then James sighed. “But what do I know about fixing anything, right?” He gave Emma a soft smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It was nice to see you again, Emma. But I think I’d like to be alone now.”
“Why don’t you come downstairs with us, James?” Emma asked. “It’s been years since I last spent time with you.”
James glanced up toward Zach. Was he looking for his approval? His invitation? Zach cleared his throat, remembering Ethan’s request. “Emma’s right. You should come down and see everyone.”
James watched him for another few seconds and then shook his head. “Maybe tomorrow.”
Fuck. A sudden memory rose. Of himself, lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling in his childhood bedroom. He had lain there for hours remembering the sound of his father’s muffled sobs the night before. Then James had arrived. He had pushed him into the shower, dragged him to the beach, and handed him a surfboard. “I know it’s bad,” James had said. “But you can always go back to your misery tomorrow.”
Something of the sudden pain must have shown on his face because Emma reached for his hand and held it tight while James’s eyes flicked between them.
“It’s okay, Zach. Really,” James murmured, and fuck if that didn’t make him feel even worse.
ChapterNineteen
Emma madeher way into Bryn’s tiny front room with Zach following behind her. His grim mood was so potent that she could’ve sworn she could feel his anger and grief pouring out of him. He seemed to be fighting a war with himself—a war between his need to protect James, and his need to protect everyone else from James—as well as his need to get away from the uncomfortable things James made him feel.
Ethan and Kay were sitting together on a small, faded sofa. Bryn was perched on a wooden stool nearby with Elizabeth beside him, all of them wearing cautiously hopeful expressions. They took one look at Zach and the air of expectation faded.
“Thank you for trying,” Ethan murmured.
Zach stiffened behind Emma and she turned to wrap her arm around his waist. She was fairly certain that if Zach had genuinely wanted James to come down and join them, James would have done it. But that wasn’t something she was going to point out in front of his friends.
Bryn leaned forward. “James will find his way. In the meantime, shall we take a look at your Shadows, Emma?”
She leaned into Zach. This was the other reason they were here, and it was time. She hadn’t been lying when she told James she was afraid. Not that something would go wrong, exactly. More that she would get her hopes up and it would come to nothing. “How will it work?” she asked.
“We’re not entirely certain—” Ethan started.
“What the hell?” Zach growled. He tightened his hold on her and scowled at his friends. “You said you could help.”
“I said we could try,” Ethan replied firmly. “This is all new to us, Zach. We don’t have access to the Knowledge and we can’t ask anyone else for help without drawing the Council’s attention. Still, we think we have a good chance.”
“No.” Zach stiffened. “I thought you had a real plan, not some vague idea to try it out and see what happens.”
“Zach….” She reached up to smooth her fingers over his forehead. “It’s okay.”
Tension poured off him. “Maybe this was never a good idea,” he muttered. “Maybe we should forget it until they have something more concrete.”
“Don’t you think we should try?” she asked him slowly.
“I didn’t realize how little certainty we have,” he admitted. “I don’t want to push you into this.”
“Zach.” Bryn’s voice was firm. Hard, even. “I think this will work.” He looked across at Emma for a moment and then back to Zach. “And it’s not up to you.”
Bryn focused entirely on her. “Emma, it’s your choice. Everything has a risk, and no one can ever be one hundred percent certain of any outcome.”
Emma snorted. If there was anyone who understood risk and return it was a woman who got up at the crack of dawn every day to run a small business. And if there was anyone who understood how easily a person could get hurt, it was her, too.
“Everyone here will support you, whatever you decide,” Elizabeth added.
The thought was strangely liberating. She could be herself with these people. She could make whatever decision was right for her to be comfortable in her own skin.
Bryn smiled, his voice softening. “You decide what you want, and that’s what we’ll do.”
Maybe it was easier to stay as she was and simply live with the feeling that something wasn’t quite right inside her. The whole world was opening up for her. She could have friends, and she could even have Zach. And yet… she’d promised to try.
She didn’t back down from a challenge—that wasn’t her. This was her chance to live without constant headaches, to be able to touch people whenever she wanted, to be able to control her visions, and to feel the full depth of her connection to Zach. It was her chance to truly be herself.
