She looked tired, her face pale and her eyes slightly puffy. But her shoulders were squared, and her chin was up as if she was preparing herself for a battle.
There was still a blue-green mark along her cheek where she’d been bruised by James’s backhand. He had left it unhealed in his intense focus on her fragmented Shadow, and now it pained him. He wanted to run his fingers along that mark and soothe it.
He wanted to do anything, everything, to take her hurt away. But he knew that he had hurt her too. He had hurt herfirst. He took a careful step into the room and stuck his hands in his pockets instead. “Would you like a drink? Cup of coffee?” he asked.
“No thanks.”
He hated how stilted and formal they sounded. How uncomfortable they were with each other, but he didn’t know how to fix it.
“Can I get you anything else?”
“No, I—” She took a breath. “I came to speak to you.”
The flames sounded unnaturally loud as the silence stretched. Kay’s hands were shaking as she stuffed them into her pockets, mirroring him, and that slight movement was almost more than he could bear.
She looked around the room, not meeting his eyes, and his heart sank painfully in his chest, a heavy, broken weight along with his misery-laden Shadows. There was only one reason why Kay would come in person and then refuse to look at him. She had come to say goodbye.
“I want to apologize,” she said eventually.
He blinked. “What for?”
“I never thanked you, you know, for coming after me. For saving my life,” she said in a low voice.
Was this what it felt like to truly have your heart broken? A deep wave of remorse and sorrow pulled at his chest, an actual physical pain that spread, aching, down his arms.
Somehow, he’d thought, hoped, they would still have a chance. But Kay was a good and honorable person. If he had tried to imagine how she would leave him, this was exactly what he would have expected from her: gratitude and kindness. A gentle but clear goodbye.
His voice cracked as he replied, “Don’t thank me for that. Please. Or apologize.” He cleared his throat. “The truth is that you saved me. Again and again.”
He scrubbed his hand over his scruffy beard. Kay hadn’t moved but he knew it was only a matter of time until she left. He had to take this opportunity while he had her there with him, and somehow convince her, despite everything he’d done, to give him another chance.
He took a tentative step closer as he spoke. “When James said those things, I lost my mind. You were right, it’s not an excuse. I should have listened to you, not him. I should have trusted you.”
She gave him a sad smile. “You weren’t the only one who believed his lies.”
His heart ached for her. What a truly terrible day it had been. “God, Kay, he was your friend.”
She shook her head slowly. “I thought so.”
Her shoulders tightened and she swallowed heavily. And Ethan couldn’t take it anymore. He took two big steps over to her and wrapped his arms around her, wishing he could make it all better, and whispered, “I’m so very sorry, Kay.” She stiffened and he immediately let her go. “Fuck, I’m making everything worse.”
He started to step back but she reached up and held tightly to the front of his shirt, twisting her fingers through the fabric to hold him pressed against her. “Please don’t leave.”
His eyes prickled, his throat tightening as he tried to find the words. “Never. I never want to leave you. As long as you’ll have me, I’m here. However you’ll take me, whether it's as friends or whatever you need, just please don’t say goodbye.”
“Really?” She looked up, searching his face.
He cupped her cheeks in his hands, tracing her cheekbones with his thumbs. “Kay, how I feel about you hasn’t changed. If anything, when you fell, after James’s attack, I thought…. I can’t tell you—”
He risked running a hand down her hair, cupping the back of her head. She had asked him to stay, and he would take it, for however long he had. “Even though you came here to say goodbye, Kay, you should know that it won’t change how I feel. How much I love you.”
She shook her head roughly and he started to pull back. But then she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. “I love you too, Ethan. That’s why I’m here.”
What?
He threaded his hands into her hair, tilting her head up so that he could look into those clear gray eyes and find the truth. “Not to say goodbye?”
“No.” Her lips tilted up at the sides. “I came to get you back. To take that chance.”
