She sipped the warm tea gratefully, and then when her stomach growled loudly once more, quickly turned to the food. Nothing had ever tasted so delicious.
Alanna settled on the bottom of the bed. “Looks like you’re starting to get your appetite back. Rafe said he’d spent some time settling your morning sickness after he finished working on your arm. Hopefully, that’ll really help.”
Damn. Why hadn’t she asked him for help before? All this time she’d suffered alone when Nim and Rafe could have helped her from the beginning.
Keely took another huge bite of soft bread, heavy with butter. It was delicious. Bard. Rafe was a magician.
Alanna gave her a long look. “We were so worried about you. And Tor… none of the Hawks have ever seen him look so devastated.”
Keely looked down at her bowl as she mopped up the last of the soup with her bread. “I’m sorry you were worried, Alanna.”
“What was that?” Alanna leaned forward cupping her ear. “Did you just apologize? And admit that someone might be worried about you! I don’t think I’ve ever heard such a thing before.”
Keely stuck her tongue out at her friend, who giggled cheerfully as she moved the tray away.
Alanna’s face grew serious as she came back to her seat on the bed. “I’m glad you’re safe, Keely. I’ve missed you these last weeks.”
“I’ve been with you all this time,” Keely replied quietly.
“Yes, but not the real you. You haven’t sung. You haven’t wanted to talk.” Alanna’s green eyes grew somber. “Honestly, Keely, I’ve felt as if you were preparing to leave even before everything happened with Tor.”
Bard. She had been preparing to leave. “I didn’t think you needed me anymore,” she admitted quietly.
“Keely, you’re my best friend. Why would I not need you?” Alanna asked carefully.
“You have Val—” Keely saw the look on Alanna’s face and left the rest of the sentence unfinished. It had all made so much sense before. But now? Now she wasn’t so sure.
Alanna sighed. “I love Val, it’s true. But Keely, you must know that I love you too. We’ve been friends for so many years—why would I ever not want you to stay? And when you knew… didn’t you think I might have wanted to be part of your baby’s life?”
Keely looked down at the sheet, twisting it between her fingers, not knowing what to say.
“I think,” Alanna said quietly, “that you were already planning to go off and live alone long before Tor hurt your feelings. You might have told yourself that it was because we didn’t need you anymore, but the truth was that you were starting to realize thatyouneeded us. And you didn’t stop to think that walking away might be painful for the people you left behind.” Alanna’s voice lowered. “Might be painful for me.”
Keely looked up, met Alanna’s eyes, and saw the truth. As much as she had loved her friend and dedicated herself to Alanna, she had always kept a distance between them. She had been happy to give care and support but had been too terrified to take affection in return. Terrified that she might grow to need it.
How many years had she spent relying entirely on herself? Telling herself that she was perfectly capable of walking away at any moment. Without ever really thinking about what it meant to the people she left behind.
Bard. She had hurt her friend as much as she had hurt herself.
She needed her friends in her life. And she urgently needed to tell them they were important. “Alanna, you’re my best friend, and I love you too. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
Alanna leaned forward and took her hand, softening her words with a sympathetic smile. “I know. But our friendship has lasted for many years, through all kinds of difficulties. We understand each other. Does Tor?”
Keely blinked.
“Keely,” Alanna asked quietly, “did you tell him that you were leaving?”
She didn’t want to admit it, but she had to. “I told him I was thinking about going back to Verturia. Before anything happened between us.” She bit her lip and then confessed the rest. “It was what started all the trouble…. Tor thought I was leaving, expected me to go after we…. And then he said… he said….”
But he hadn’t really said anything. She had.
Damn. He’d handled everything badly… but so had she. She had decided to take a risk, but then never actually took it. She was going to have to make it clear she wanted to stay. And then stay.
Alanna squeezed her fingers, acknowledging her unspoken words. “Take it from someone who had to learn the hard way: you need to tell him how you feel.”
Keely couldn’t help her sad snort. “Bard, Alanna, what makes you think that any of this was easy?”
Chapter Twenty-Two
