“Tegeingl?” he grunted, looking confused.
“Yes.” She huffed out an amused breath. “You know. The place we were aiming for?”
He looked down at her, a deep line creasing his forehead. “You’re coming west?”
What?
“Yes, of course,” she replied slowly. “We’ll be together. Obviously, we need to rescue Alanna and the others first. But you said I should do what made me happy, and I realized that I wanted to take a chance, I wanted for us to maybe try….” She let her words trail away as the reality of his reaction slowly sank in. The reality of what it meant that he was so surprised. “You didn’t think I should come with you?” she asked, hating the uncertainty in her voice.
“That’s not it at all.” He watched her carefully, eyes even darker than before. “I wanted you to come with us. I wanted…. I mean, this was… incredible.”
She pulled her shirt closed, a chill chasing across her skin as she prompted, “Incredible? As in impossible to believe?”
He grunted, the silence extending around them uncomfortably.
She stood up and pulled on her breeches and boots, needing to get dressed. Needing the protection of her clothes while she tried to understand why the man who had been so intently focused on her five minutes before now looked as if he would rather be anywhere else in the world.
Tor watched her quietly from his place on the ground, the warmth between them evaporating into the cold, dark woods.
She looked down at him, unable to let it go, her voice rising in annoyance even as she tried to keep calm and understand. “Please explain this to me.”
He shook his head slightly. “This was perfect.Youare perfect. But you’re going to leave, aren’t you? You’re going back to Verturia. You told me you wanted to go north.”
“No.” She shoved her hands into her pockets. “I asked if you thought I should go north. I wanted to stay.” She swallowed, forced herself to say the words. “I had decided to stay with the Hawks. With you.”
Tor nodded slowly as if he didn’t quite believe her. “But you just said that you don’t want to be with a soldier. And I—I don’t know anything except being a soldier.”
She blinked, trying to understand. Had she said she didn’t want to be with a soldier, or just that she was surprised? What did he really mean? Did hewanther to go north?
Her heart thudded heavily in her ears as she tried to process this sudden change. She wanted to start again, to have dreams and hopes again, wanted to make a new life, one with companionship and pleasure. Maybe more one day.
Had her realization that she wanted more in her life led her to read too much into what was happening between them?
She had thought he wanted her in the same way she wanted him. Not as a random fuck, but as someone who meant something to her. But maybe that wasn’t what he had been looking for at all?
“What do you want, Tor? What areyourplans?” she asked carefully.
Tor chuckled, but the sound was entirely without humor. “Gods, Keely, a plan is one of the many things I don’t have. I used to be the man everyone came to for strategy, but now… now I struggle to see past tomorrow. I don’t have a plan. Not for… anything.”
She rubbed her lips, still feeling the rawness from his kisses, the burn of his stubble on her throat. “What exactly didn’t you plan, Tor?”
His voice lowered, coming out rough and miserable. “I didn’t plan to be a mercenary or disowned or a fugitive from the king. I certainly haven’t got any plans to leave the Hawks, and, although I spent a lot of time imagining it, I didn’t plan—” He glanced up at the tree behind him, his words trailing off into silence.
She stiffened as the air punched out of her. How could he include what had happened between them in his list of losses?
She folded her arms over the aching tension in her chest. “You didn’t plan to fuck the queen’s maid up against a tree.”
His eyes shot to hers. “Yes. No. I mean… I hoped—”
She stared down at him, speaking slowly as she forced her voice not to shake. “Just so that we’re completely clear… you wanted to fuck me, but you expected me to leave the next day. You didn’t expect any kind of future with me?”
His eyes were wide, fists clenched tightly as he slowly pushed himself to standing. His breeches were still unbuttoned, his chest bare, his face tightened into a deep scowl as he wrapped a big hand around the back of his neck. His face was bleak and grim. But he didn’t say anything.
Keely dropped her head, her shoulders slumped, her voice a rough murmur. “I thought you wanted… I thought we….” She shook her head sharply, not finishing her sentence.
How could she have been so wrong? Misread the situation so cataclysmically?
She waited. Wishing—hoping—that he would tell her she was wrong. That he did want her for more than one unexpected afternoon.
