Maybe it was because he’d been enjoying himself. Maybe it was the ripe, tart-sweet scent of crabapples in the air or the afternoon sunshine. Or maybe it was entirely her. But something made him step even closer and lower his voice. “Needles, Keely? I assure you, I have a perfectly good sword.”
She let out another amused huff, looking up at him with twinkling eyes. “Yes, I’m sure your sword is very… big.”
It was the first time he’d seen her completely relaxed, her face lit up with joy and amusement, and he wished he could pull the tie from her braid, run his fingers through her bright hair, tip her head back and taste that smile. Take some of its joy into his own body.
She hoisted the crossbow over her shoulder and went to look for the bolts they’d used, leaving him alone with the aching tightness in his breeches. But even as he watched her stride away, he knew there would be no “swordplay” between them. She was not the kind of woman who messed around for one or two nights. And how could he ask for more when he had nothing to offer her?
His future, his home, his place in the world were all gone. His own family didn’t even want him.
Keely made him feel things. Made him want things. She broke through the numbness he had wrapped himself in, and he couldn’t bear to even imagine what it would be like if—when—she told him he wasn’t enough.
Chapter Five
One more dayof traveling and they would be in Eshcol. One more day and then Keely could finally get clean. Finally find some clothes that fitted. Just one more day, and they would be safe and free. And then what?
Keely glanced toward Val’s tent and smiled. Her friend finally had the love she deserved.
She didn’t know whether to thank Reece or strangle him for the nasty little jibes that had resulted in the epic argument between Val and Alanna. The argument that had cleared the air and revealed the truth. Alanna loved Val and he loved her in return. And now they had disappeared into Val’s tent to continue their—ahem—discussion. Perhaps she should strangle Reeceandthank him.
Keely leaned back on her hands, enjoying the knowledge that Alanna was happy. She was glad for her friend. Alanna deserved every moment of joy she got.
But it also raised the question—what about Keely? What would she do? It was hard to look back over the last decade and realize she had built nothing for herself. She had walked away from her own life and made Alanna her priority, and now Alanna didn’t need her anymore.
A year ago, she would have smiled brightly, wished Alanna the best, and moved on. But now the thought made her heart ache. Something about the last weeks had changed her. Maybe it was standing in Ballanor’s court, certain she was going to die and wishing she had really lived. Maybe it was watching Val and Alanna struggle and fight their way toward each other, and the love they both deserved. Maybe it was the way she felt when Tristan looked down at Nim with the slightly stunned expression of someone who hadn’t ever imagined they could be so lucky.
Whatever it was, it had made her look back at the last ten years of her life and wonder what the hell she was doing. She had put her dreams away when Niall died, and now, for the first time, she was starting to think it might have been a mistake.
Coming with Alanna to Brythoria hadn’t been a mistake. Doing everything she could to protect her friend hadn’t been a mistake. No, she would never regret being there for Alanna. But assuming it was better to never have anything of her own, deciding—at the ripe old age of nineteen, when Niall died—that she was better without love…thathad been a mistake.
She had told Alanna to fight for Val, and she had meant it. But what kind of hypocrite did that make her? She’d given up on love long ago.
And while she was being honest with herself, she had to admit the rest. If Alanna and Val’s newfound happiness was a challenge to her long-held independence, Tor’s presence was cataclysmic.
The more time she spent with him, the more she liked him. She liked his careful words and his deep, reassuring voice. She liked his kindness, his quiet humor, his loyalty, and the strong moral core that drove everything he did.
She also liked his big hands and heavy muscles. The tanned skin on his neck that she had spent far too many hours imagining sinking her teeth into. She wanted him, wanted his body against hers, bringing her to that place where all thoughts and worries were suspended by the fierce pleasure running through her. And she wanted him to hold her afterward. Wanted to curl into his warmth and stay there. But could she take the risk of caring for another soldier? She still didn’t have an answer.
She looked around the fire again, watching the Hawks as they chatted and relaxed. All except Reece, who was sitting a little out of the circle, yet another wineskin in his hand and a surly look on his face. He was behaving just like the other soldiers in Kaerlud—like an arrogant, entitled bully.
Reece scowled back. “What are you looking at, queen’s maid?” He took another long sip from his wineskin and then gestured to the camp around them, leering toward Val’s tent. “Not even the queen’s maid anymore, are you? Now you’re nothing at all.”
Bard, even half-drunk it was as if he’d been reading her mind. Well, Keely had lived among Ballanor’s cronies for months and had never given them the satisfaction of seeing how they riled her; she wasn’t about to start now. “What’s your problem, Corporal, you got sour grapes in there with your never-ending wine?”
Tor and Mathos looked up from their nearby conversation while Jeremiel quietly put his empty plate down. Any one of them would step in; that was the Hawks for you. But she didn’t need help; she’d been looking after herself for years.
“At least I own something,” Reece replied with a sneer, lifting his wineskin in a mocking salute. He gestured toward her, taking in the too-tight breeches borrowed from Alanna and the too-loose shirt she’d been wearing when they fled the farmhouse. “You don’t even have your own clothes, former maid.”
Keely raised her eyebrow at Reece. “I wasn’t really the queen’s maid, you idiot. I was always her friend. My mother is cousin to Queen Moireach.”
Reece snorted unkindly. “Sure. And I’m King Reece of the Fish Street Docks, at your service.”
Ass. She stood up and faced him squarely. “You know, Reece, we all felt sorry for you with what happened with your girlfriend. But you should realize that this childish tantrum you’ve been throwing doesn’t impress anyone, and it’s getting old.”
Reece stood up, swaying slightly. “Not my girlfriend anymore, just a fucking liar. Like Alanna. Like you. Gods, I’m so bloody sick of liars.”
The rest of the camp went silent. Tristan stood slowly, his scales flickering up his arms in a wave. Damn. Did Reece not understand the danger he was in?
Keely waved the Hawks away. She didn’t need their help, and anyway, bullies had to be handled in person. “You’rethe one who’s been pretending to be something you’re not. You forget, Reece, I lived in the palace for months. I saw your little drama unfold.”
