Chapter Twenty-Six
Lucilla saton the floor on a pile of soft cushions, leaning back against the post of her sumptuous, canopied bed as gold-and-orange firelight flickered around her.
She was finally, blissfully clean, and wearing a delicate cotton shift that was infinitely more comfortable than the poorly fitted dress she’d worn all day. She had pulled the bright comforters to the floor along with an array of cushions to make a soft place to sit while she stared out of the window at the moon and tried to make some kind of sense of her life.
The part that she couldn’t quite get her head around was the three other women sitting on the floor with her.
Nim had been the first to arrive, carrying a flask of what she promised was the best honey liqueur from the kitchens. Tristan had arrived with her and quietly sent Jos and Garet away to take a break, promising to guard them himself just as Alanna and Keely turned down the corridor, Val behind them.
All of them were wearing their shifts, covered with blankets. And their boots. The boots had made her giggle as they poured into her room and closed the door, leaving Val and Tristan standing watch outside.
But then the giggles turned to sobs. And she didn’t know what to do. She had spent her life perfecting her ability to show no emotion whatsoever, and somehow over the last weeks, she had lost that control.
Strangely, no one had seemed shocked. Nim had wrapped her in the warmest hug she might have ever had, other than from Mathos—who she was not going to think about—and then passed her a handkerchief as she led her back to the cushions on the floor.
Alanna had pulled a set of small wooden cups from her pocket, and Nim quickly filled them with the syrupy liquor before handing one to each of them.
“Ladies, we need a toast,” Alanna said, completely ignoring Lucilla’s puffy face and red nose.
“To new friends,” Nim said immediately, but Keely rolled her eyes and replied, “To kicking ass.”
“To ass-kicking new friends,” Lucilla agreed as the women tossed their cups back. Gods. She’d never imagined it. These incredible, strong women supporting each other. Supporting her.
She loved the fiery burn sliding down her throat and the way her eyes were watering. If nothing else, it hid the tears.
Keely, however, spluttered and spat hers back in the cup. “Oh gods, what have you given me? It’s off.”
Alanna poured herself another cupful and sniffed it delicately. “Mine smells fine. Do you want a clean cup?”
Keely wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Bard, no. You drink it. I think my stomach is still unsettled from that bastard ship. I swear, nothing you say or do could ever get me back onto the sea again.”
“Not even if Tor was on board, flexing his manly arms?” Alanna asked, fluttering her eyelashes as she poured another drink for Nim and Lucilla.
“Especially not then,” Keely replied with a grimace.
The other women laughed, and they all settled back onto their cushions.
Lucilla took a slow sip of her drink, trying to decide whether she was allowed to ask. She raised her eyes to see them all watching her and quickly looked back down.
“You can ask,” Keely said quietly.
“I wondered what happened between you. I heard Matt tell Tor that he should apologize to you, although at the time Tor was being so kind, I couldn’t imagine what he might have done.” She paused and took another sip. “Now, I guess, I realize that even someone you think would never…. Well, I guess anyone can do hurtful things.”
Damn, she hated how rough her voice got as she spoke and how close she was to crying again.
“By the Bard.” Alanna put her drink down. “He really fucked up, didn’t he?”
“Yes,” Keely and Lucilla both said at the same time, and they all chuckled softly.
“It’s not the same,” Keely said. “I didn’t fall for Tor.” But she kept her eyes down as she said it, her fingers twisting and untwisting the tassels on the cushion she was sitting on. And, somehow, Lucilla knew she was lying.
“Well, I did fall for Mathos,” Lucilla admitted, “and I fought for him. I really did. But he threw it all back in my face.”
“I’m so sorry,” Nim murmured.
Lucilla gave a sharp shake of her head. “No, your advice was good. I’m glad I fought for him. I’m glad I told him how I feel. For the rest of my life, I’ll know that I did everything I could. Honestly, I think it’s better for me to know the truth now.”
For the first time that day, something settled in her heart. Yes, it was smashed into a thousand tiny pieces. Yes, her dream of having Matt at her side was gone. But she had these amazing new friends. And even if they left, she knew she could do this. She could be the queen her kingdom needed.
