He found his shirt and dipped it in the barrel, trying to warm the cool fabric with his hands, and then gently bathed her body.
She seemed dazed as he pulled her to sitting and helped her into the clean shirt that Nim had brought, but she smiled tiredly. He handed her one of the plates of food and she ate quietly while he pulled on his breeches and then sat beside her with his meal.
He had never felt closer to a woman, or more overwhelmed. Somewhere along their journey, he had realized how very far above him she was. And would always be. How extraordinarily lucky he was to have had this time with her.
He felt her soft body leaning heavily against his, and he wanted to tell her what he felt. How incredible he thought she was. Wanted to find the words to thank her for the precious gift that she had given him.
And, as much as it hurt him, would hurt them both, he had to remind her that they only had until they reached Kaerlud. That when they reached the city, she would go to her new life as the queen. And he would go back to his old life as a mercenary with the Hawks.
The future stretched out, gray and lonely ahead of him. He had no idea where Tristan would take them next. Perhaps they would offer their services to the Nephilim. Or become true mercenaries and work for pay.
Actually, I think the Hawks will stay with—
He forced the beast back down. Either way, it would be far away. And that would be for the best.
He couldn’t be near her and not touch her. It would destroy him to watch her from a distance. And it would destroy them both when she realized that he had stolen her dreams and she sent him away.
When his mother had sent him away, it had hurt his soul. When Lucy sent him away, it would obliterate him.
It was better to take these last hours as the gift that they were. To relish every one of these last moments. And then to make a clean break. Before they got closer. Before she made the mistake of saying the words that had almost pierced his heart.
He turned to look at her so he could see her face while he explained. But she was asleep.
Her head rested on his arm, her plate still on her lap. She twitched against his side, and her plate started to slide. He caught it with one hand and stood to put it safely on the deck.
Gods. He hadn’t imagined she would go to sleep. But he couldn’t bring himself to wake her.
He gently lifted her legs so that she was lying fully in the hammock and pulled a thick blanket off a nearby peg to lay over her.
She sighed and stretched a leg to the side, settling into a deeper slumber. Sated. Safe and warm and fed for the first time in weeks. And, for that one last moment, his.
He pulled a lock of hair out of her face and kissed her gently on the forehead. This was how he would always remember her.
Chapter Nineteen
There was a loud banging.A pause. And then the banging started again.
Lucilla groaned and tried to sit up, only to find herself rocking out of control. It was pitch-black, and she was swamped in a heavy wool blanket. She breathed hard, trying to orient herself as she slowly realized where she was. On theStar of the Sea. Sailing toward Kaerlud. With Mathos… or maybe not? Where was he?
The banging started again. Gods. It was someone at the door. She tried to speak and managed a croak. Clearing her throat, she tried again. “Who’s there?”
“Nim.”
Lucilla pushed herself up and tried to swing her legs over the side, becoming aware of the loud groaning of the ship around her. Its deep pitch and roll. “Come in.”
Nim slipped inside carrying a small lantern, and the room was filled with warm light. Around her, the furniture, the boxes and crates, all lay as she’d seen them last. But otherwise, the small cabin was empty.
“Good, you’re awake.” Nim stepped forward and started gathering up her breeches and boots and handing them to her.
Lucilla ran her hands down her face and stifled a yawn. Gods, it was noisy. Feet clattered on the deck, voices shouted, and occasionally something thumped. How in the kingdom had she managed to sleep through all of that?
She stood on wobbly legs and started pulling on her breeches. “What’s happening?”
Nim seemed to consider for a moment. “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
“The bad news first. Always the bad news.”
Nim chuckled and then looked serious once more. “There’s a ship following us. The lookouts spotted them a couple of hours after we left port, and they’ve been catching up. We’re certain it’s Dornar… they’re flying the Royal Standard.”
