But Val didn’t seem reassured, and he got quieter and more withdrawn as they quickly dressed in their leathers. By the time they were ready to go, he was rubbing at the grooves between his eyes as if they pained him.
She reached up and took his hand in hers and kissed it gently before letting it fall. “Is everything okay?”
He gave her a soft look. “Everything’s fine.”
She wrinkled her nose. It wasn’t fine.Hewasn’t fine. And a horrible suspicion began to form that maybe he was embarrassed about what they’d done. Maybe he didn’t want to face his friends with everyone knowing that he had spent the night with Princess Peevish.
Her heart sank as she wondered whether it would be better to let him go out alone, to spare him the regret.
But at the same time, she remembered that she had decided that she would fight for him. Whatever it took. How could she do that if she didn’t know the truth of what had worried him? “Tell me, please. Whatever it is, we can handle it together.”
He stared at her for a beat, not speaking, and she stepped closer so that she could look into the shimmering blue of his eyes. “Is it something to do with going to the temple?”
“No.” He pinched the top of his nose as his frown deepened.
She took a deep breath and gripped her hands together. She had to ask. “Are you embarrassed?”
“What?” He tilted his head, eyes clouded with genuine confusion.
“If you don’t want your friends to see us together….” She let the sentence fade away. If that was the problem, then she didn’t have the solution. Then there was nothing ahead for her except a broken heart.
“No! Gods, no!” His voice was strident as he pulled her into his arms. “Oh, Lanni, I couldn’t be more proud that a woman like you would choose to be with me.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
He looked so appalled at the idea of not wanting to be seen with her and was holding her so tightly—his voice deep with sincerity—that she let out a long breath of relief.
Her lips turned up in a tentative smile. “What, then?”
He used his finger to tilt her chin up to look at him. “It’s just…. There’s likely to be some messing around, and I don’t want anyone to say something that upsets you.”
Oh.
She hadn’t thought about it, but of course there were going to be jokes and comments. Even one day ago, she would have been utterly mortified. Too many malicious whispers in the palace had made her deeply sensitive. But at that moment, standing together as the rain rattled delicately around them, with Val looking down at her, his eyes filled with concern, she realized that so long as he stood beside her, it wouldn’t matter. If he wanted her, all would be well.
She took his hand once more and held it firmly. “I can’t promise that I won’t get embarrassed, but I don’t mind. These men would never try and hurt us.”
Well, she was less sure of Reece, but even he would be bearable if Val was beside her. And he’d only been looking out for Val, after all. She squeezed his hand. “They’re good men, and they’re your brothers.”
His eyes darkened as his shoulders tensed even more. “They were once.”
She pulled his hand against her cheek and leaned into his palm. “They still are. Look at all the things they’ve done for you. They came all the way into Kaerlud to rescue you. They’ve nursed you back to health. Bard, they’ve all become mercenaries for you.”
If anything, her words made him more uncomfortable, and she could see the flecks in his eyes darkening and flattening, his voice getting tighter as he spoke. “That was all for Nim.”
His words cut her all the way down to her soul. This was how alone he felt. How alone her choices had made him. Now it was up to her to mend it.
“Val, that was for you as much as for Nim. They could have abandoned me to my death, but they came to rescue me because of you. You haven’t heard them, these last days, but I have. They worry for you. It’s true that they see Nim as a sister. Well, maybe not the captain so much”—his scowl deepened, and she quickly moved on—“but they all see you as their brother.”
He looked away, unconvinced, and she stood on her toes to whisper against his cheek. “They love you. But not as much as I do.”
His lips quirked slightly at that, and the rigid tension in his shoulders lessened. It was a start.
“Come on. Let’s get it over with.” She dragged him out of the tent and through the rain to the canvas shelter that someone had rigged over the fire as the squad made breakfast.
The Hawks milled around, eating where they stood as they tried to stay out of the rain. With a sigh of relief, she noticed that Reece wasn’t with them.
