She didn’t, but Tristan did. He could see it all over his friend’s face.
“I can’t….” He ran a tired hand down his face and looped it behind his neck. “I need to get away.”
She gave a tiny nod of acceptance. Just like the myriad of times he’d left her alone before. Left to become a soldier. Left to go to war. Left to return to Alanna at the palace. Always leaving her to take care of their home, their father, while he walked away.
Fuck, he really was a bastard. No wonder Alanna didn’t want him.
She stepped back up to him, Tristan close behind her. “When are you going?”
He let his shoulders drop. He couldn’t leave like this. Not having let her down yet again. He would stay a few more days. “As soon as you and the Hawks are somewhere safe.”
“Okay.” She closed her eyes for a moment in acceptance, and then turned back to Tristan and took his hand as they walked away.
He stood, alone, and then slowly lifted his eyes to see Alanna watching him from the shadows between the tents. Her eyes were wide in her pale face, and he knew what he must look like. Face swollen and dripping blood. Knuckles bruised and torn. Frightening and vicious, just like the man she’d married.
Gods. She hadn’t wanted him before. Now she would hate him.
Chapter Nine
Keely sang to herself,her rich voice filling their tent with the soothing melody of an ancient lullaby as she folded their cloaks away and Alanna did her best to comb her hair out before bed.
“You don’t have to do that you know,” Alanna said over her shoulder as Keely turned to tidy their clothes away. “I’m quite capable.”
Keely snickered under her breath, just loud enough to be sure that Alanna could hear her.
“Hey.” She turned and threw the comb at Keely, torn between amusement and being insulted. “Iamcapable.”
“Oh, Lanni.” Keely knelt next to her and wrapped her in a warm hug. “I know you are.”
She leaned her head back on her friend’s shoulder. “I want to help. And, more than that, I want us to be friends without you feeling like you have to look after me.”
Keely gave her a squeeze before letting her go and turning to unroll her bedding as she spoke softly. “Nothing can change our friendship, but I will try to leave all the work to you in the future, I promise.”
They both chuckled as they climbed into their bedrolls and blew out the lamp.
Finally, in the dark, away from the squad’s attention, Nim’s worried looks, and even Keely’s knowing gaze, she was able to curl up on her side and let her smile fade.
It had been the longest day of her life.
Despite the banter and the jokes and the gradual thaw of the Hawks as they slowly realized that she was more than happy to pull her weight and was genuinely, deeply grateful to be there. Despite having Keely and Nim to chat to and laugh with. Despite the open sky above them and the knowledge that she was free for the first time in her life. The day had dragged, longer and somehow even harder than the interminable days locked in her bedroom in the palace.
Val was gone. Hurting, and gone. And she was responsible. Again.
She, and everyone else, had heard his hideous argument with Nim and seen his fight with Tristan.
It was so out of character for him, so mean and violent, that she knew she should have been afraid of him. But, deep inside her soul, she knew he was lashing out at the people he loved because of his own pain.
She had heard him promise to stay until they were safe, and Val never broke a promise. She knew he was coming back from wherever he had gone off to. But no matter how many times she looked for him, he wasn’t there.
He had looked right at her and then walked off into the woods and didn’t come back.
Not to check on Nim, not to eat his lunch, nor take his turn off-duty. Not during the afternoon strategy session with the squad. Not as his friends decided to leave the Great North Road and turn west towards Glevum and make their way through the woods, avoiding the main road. Not when, thank the Bard, they agreed with her request to go via the great Temple of the Nephilim at Eshcol.
He still hadn’t returned when they voted unanimously to aim, ultimately, for the rough, sparsely populated mountains of Tegeingl to try and find somewhere to live out of the reach of the king.
He didn’t return when Rafe came to check her wounds and spent half an hour holding her shoulder, doing whatever he did that left her feeling so much more settled and well. She had never met a healer like Rafe before, even the weals on her back were slowly becoming more comfortable under his care.
Val was still not back when Nim sat with her and they forced out laughter that neither of them really meant, or when they ate a subdued dinner with the Hawks.
