There were too many people and not enough air. Her ears were ringing, and she couldn’t take a breath because of the tight band of pain around her ribs. The thickness in her throat.
She had to get out of the room. Get away from everyone.
She took a step toward the door, but Tristan was there before her, blocking her way. His arms came around her, and he pulled her into his chest, wrapping her in his warmth and strength. “Take a breath, sweetheart.”
His chest moved beneath hers, and she took a breath with him, almost on instinct. And then another. Everyone else faded from her mind. They might as well have not existed. It was only her and Tris, breathing slowly together.
The ringing noise faded gradually, but he didn’t move. Just held her firmly in his arms, not bothered that his men were watching.
Eventually he leaned back and tipped her chin up to look her in the eye as he spoke. “You can do this. And I’ll help you. Whatever it takes.”
She clenched her fists in the front of his shirt, wanting to shake him. Her fear swirled with helplessness and bled into rage. Into the furious need to blame someone. And, in her deepest heart, she already blamed Tristan. Despite everything they’d shared, she hadn’t let go of the deep kernel of anger at him, and all the Hawks.
“You left him!” she whispered harshly. “He’s there because of you!”
Tristan took a slow breath, his eyes not wavering from hers as he replied sincerely, “I regret that. More than you can know. But I can’t go back and change it now; I can only go forward. Whatever happens, we will free Val.”
“Why?” Her eyes burned with the tears that she was too angry to shed.
“Because we need the truth. None of this makes sense to me, and I want to hear what Val says—like I should have right in the beginning. Because, if he has committed a crime, he should have been tried by the Nephilim Justices and executed, not hung on a wall. Because coming here and seeing what has become of the Blues has been… horrifying. And because Val was my closest friend. But, mostly, more than any of that, because they came after you, Nim. And because he’s your brother and you love him.”
She wanted to stay angry with him. To rail against everything that he had said. To hold onto the righteous fury and the strength it gave her. But Tristan looked so grim and worried, his voice deep with conviction as he kept his eyes locked on hers, the emerald and pewter of his scales rippling up his arms and the deep rumbling back in his belly.
He lifted his hand to her cheek, his eyes deep with sorrow and sincerity, and she clasped her own hand over the top, holding him there.
She had been angry, so very angry with all of them. But she had come to realize that the Hawks—Tristan—had made a terrible mistake, and that they were as determined to find the truth as she was. That they were equally horrified by what was happening to her brother, and that they were risking everything to make it right.
In his last awful goodbye, Val had told her that no matter what, she should trust Tristan. He had told her that there were things she didn’t know and that he wouldn’t, couldn’t, share. And lastly, that if anything were to happen to him, she should go to the Hawks.
When they’d abandoned him, she’d thought he was wrong, and had disregarded that advice, but now she knew that Val had been right—she should have gone straight to the Hawks and made them understand. But, even as she recognized their genuine commitment to finding the truth, her heart still beat a heavy rhythm in her throat. What would happen if they were forced to choose between Val and the new king?
The king was their supreme commander, and Tristan and Val had always believed that that they owed their obedience directly to him. It wasn’t surprising that when the king condemned Val, it would have seemed unquestionable to Tristan. He was a loyal, honorable man who could never imagine lying about such a thing. Who would never dream that his king would deceive him.
She leaned her head against his chest and whispered, “I believe you, but I’m afraid.”
Tristan growled deep in his belly. “You should be afraid. What we’re doing is dangerous. And if anyone ever finds out, we’re all going to die. Slowly and screaming.”
She knew that already. And she’d made some peace with it. What she didn’t want was for her actions to endanger anyone else. To put them in a position where they had to make an impossible choice. However angry she had been, she didn’t want anyone to die because of her.
As her rage subsided, exhaustion crept in. And guilt. Who was she to expect these men to give up everything?
Nim turned in Tristan’s arms and looked around the room, meeting each man’s eyes. “I’m so sorry I got you into this. I understand if you don’t want to be part of any of it.”
Tristan’s muscles went rigid under her hands, but then slowly relaxed as the men called out their commitment, one after the other.
“You can’t get rid of us, darlin’,” Mathos said quietly, “This is our fight now. It was our fight the moment we stepped into the city and realized what these new Blues have done to our people. And I think I speak for everyone when I say that we would never have left Val if we’d understood that there was any doubt of his guilt. And I’m including the captain in that.”
“I should never have left Val without first trying to speak to him,” Tristan agreed, “and there’s absolutely no way we’re leaving Tor. Or you.” His voice lowered. “Whatever you think of me personally.”
She turned back, resting her hands on his arms, and looked at him. His face was carefully stoic, but she had known him all her life. And now she knew his soul.
The look of yearning was back, no longer hidden. Alongside resignation and… was that sadness? Loss? Silvery streaks bled across the green of his eyes as his jaw clenched.
He took a tiny step back, loosening his hold on her, and she suddenly realized that he expected her to push him away. And that he would let her do it, in front of all his men, and then help her to rescue Val anyway.
It was all she needed to settle her last lingering concerns. Tristan had already made his choice between her and Ballanor. And, despite his doubts about Val, he had chosen her.
When she was a little girl, her mama used to saythe heart sees what the eyes cannot. She had never understood it before, not truly. But now she did. Her heart had known him all her life. Either she trusted that now or she had to leave him forever. And leaving him was not an option. She had trusted him with her body, she would trust him with her life.
