The memory faded, and Milo turned away from his office window, dropping back into his desk chair. He rested his head in his hands and did what he always did—he tried to remember what happened next. Did he go help clean up? Did he sulk? Did he cry? Did he talk to his mom? He couldn’t remember.
But maybe that was the point of the whole matter. The simple truth of what love was meant to be at the core. Love didn’t need to be so bold and startling that it could be summed up in one brilliant memory of perfect clarity. But rather, it should be so consuming, so all-encompassing, soingrainedin one’s everyday life that the truth of it lingers long after the memories of such a love fade away.
But now, faced with new feelings that he wasn’t quite ready to name—Milo felt fear once more. Fear that Eliana would change her mind about the divorce. Fear that she wouldn’t feel the same.
His standard approach to handling fear was to face it directly. He wanted to storm through the front doors of her house, make a declaration, toss her over his shoulder, and maybe even throw a punch at Jesse while he was at it. But facing this fear wasn’t a matter of making some grand gesture and asking Eliana to choosehim. Facing this fear required patience. It required him to respect Eliana’s wishes and to wait until she was ready for such a confession.
And he could do it. Hewoulddo it. For the price of impatience, the price of losing Eliana entirely, was not a price Milo was willing to pay.
26
FIGHTING THE AIR
Eliana shivered as she stepped inside the high school gymnasium and received an unsolicited face full of super-charged air conditioning. She scanned the crowded space, looking for a familiar flash of red—or two. The girls had traveled with their coach for the last tournament of the year due to a conflicting work meeting, but even though Eliana trusted the woman, it was still the first time she’d allowed somebody other than Jesse to transport her daughters. She’d been on edge all afternoon, chomping at the bit to set eyes on them.
“They’re on the mats out in the middle. Stretching.”
Eliana glanced up with grateful eyes. “Thank you,” she said, not bothering to ask how he knew what she’d needed. “And thank you again for tagging along. It’ll be nice to have some company.”
“No stress,” Milo answered breezily. He waved her forward once they got their tickets, indicating for her to pick the seats. “I like learning new things, and I’ve never been to a karate, uh . . . match?”
“Tournament.” Eliana smiled. Then she froze, the smile falling instantly.
Jesse stood no more than five feet ahead, a groove etched so deep into his forehead that no amount of frownies would ever be able to smooth it back out.
“Elly,” Jesse greeted, though his eyes were fixed on Milo. “Didn’t know we were bringing friends.”
“I didn’t even know you werecoming, Jesse,” Eliana snapped back. “Why wouldn’t I bring a friend? I’ve sat alone for the last three tournaments.”
That caught his attention, and his glare. “I was working.”
“I never said you weren’t.”
“I always tell you when I’m not going to be able to make it.”
“Yes, I’m well aware.”
“Then there was no reason to assume I wouldn’t be here.”
“Patterns of behavior are consistent.” Eliana shrugged. Then she turned, pointing to a spot halfway up the bleachers. “That looks like a good view.”
Milo nodded and headed for the stairs, marching up to the spot Eliana claimed. She followed suit, ignoring Jesse’s muttering as he trailed behind. She took a seat at Milo’s side and then fought the urge to roll her eyes when Jesse slammed down into the seat on her opposite side, so close that their thighs were pressed flush together. He went to put an arm around her shoulders but Eliana was quick to lean forward, bracing her elbows on her knees as she finally caught sight of Abby and Zoey on one of the practice mats, running through their forms.
“Milo,” she heard Jesse greet behind her, his voice gruff.
“Jesse.”
“I’m surprised to see you out so soon.”
“Why’s that?”
“Your separation . . .?”
“Why would I stay inside over that?” Milo scoffed. “As far I can tell, the trash took itself out. I consider that a favor.”
Eliana smirked. She didn’t have to look at Jesse to know the man was clutching his metaphorical pearls.
Down below, the coaches gathered and began speaking into a microphone that was far too quiet to reach her ears, but Eliana knew the drill. She watched as the kids were numbered and then separated into lines. She was relieved to see Abby’s group head towards theformsstation first, knowing that the kid would be able to relax and perform better once that was out of the way.
