‘Oh, yes! She knew if she came in person it would be harder for me to wriggle out of. Before I knew what had happened she had not just found a woman but booked a bloody table at a restaurant of her – her as in Marion, not the date’s – choosing. For tonight. I can’t even begin to imagine who she’s found. And whether or not the poor woman has been coerced as I have. Although I suppose that wouldn’t be too bad. We could just boltdinner if that was the case and escape. Will you stop laughing? It’s not funny, this is my life!’
‘I’m sorry, but this is joyful. Alex McKenzie, foreign correspondent brought to his knees by the head of a village PTA.’
‘I think we all know there’s more to her than the one role.’
‘Hahaha, still hilarious.’
‘Well, when you’ve finished amusing yourself perhaps you could help me. I don’t want to be rude to my upcoming date, but how the hell do I get out of this?’
‘You can’t.’
‘What do you mean I can’t? You’re supposed to be helping.’
‘I am. How is being dishonest or lying to you helping? You have to go and hope this woman has a modicum of common sense.’ Sylvie paused to laugh again as Alex gave her a piercing look indicating exactly how likely he found this. ‘She might have! Anyway, with any luck she has some basic human understanding and you could try to tell her that you find her charming but this was very much Marion’s idea and you’re not interested right now.’
‘That seems a bit lame.’
‘Look, Marion’s already picked and booked the restaurant. Just face it, she’s utterly emasculated you already. This is the most sensible way. And besides, seeing as you are normally very optimistic, have you considered that you may actually be attracted to Marion’s pick? It is a possibility.’
‘No, no, it’s not.’
‘Yes, yes, it is. From what I understand, she’s pretty thorough. She’s not going to find you someone that’s not suitable, so this could be the start of something beautiful. You’re looking at this all wrong. You should be embracing this opportunity.’
‘Are you taking the piss?’
‘No, maybe a little, but not really. Consider it. This should be exciting, not terrifying. Your perfect woman waiting for you, right there, tonight. This time next year I could be buying a hat and you might ask Marion to be your best man.’
‘This isn’t funny.’
‘Why are you not looking on the positive? Why are you sabotaging this? I wish I had someone to set dates up for me. I’ve forgotten what going on a date is like.’
‘Really?’
‘No, not really, I haven’t got time for that sort of thing at the moment. Imminent homelessness tends to rejig one’s priorities.’
‘You’re not really imminently homeless, plus today you got a job and the opportunity to set up your ballet school. If we’re talking about this time next year, you could be a millionaire.’
‘Hahaha.’
‘It’s as likely as me marrying Claudia.’
‘Oh, the gift that keeps giving. Is she called Claudia?’
‘It’s a nice name.’
‘It is. And we shouldn’t judge on names. But it’s not really very approachable, is it? It’s not Sarah or something. I’m already a bit intimidated and I haven’t got to meet her.’
‘Idiot. Judgemental idiot at that.’
‘Yep, but seriously, give me three good reasons for not marrying Claudia.’
‘I’ve never met her. I reckon that’s a good reason.’
‘Nah, arranged marriages actually have quite high rates of success. Two more, please.’
‘I think not having met her is pretty strong. How about, I don’t want a relationship of any type right now.’
‘Why on earth not? You’re an attractive man.’ Sylvie was very glad her blushing was more under control, but he was a very attractive man. She fell asleep most nights thinking about how attractive he was. Probably best not to mention this here. Shekind of agreed with Marion, it did seem a shocking waste. Not only was he ludicrously sexy but he made great coffee, was fab with kids, and as yet she hadn’t been able to find a single flaw. Although perhaps this was it. Perhaps he had commitment issues. Perfect. That was definitely a flaw. She had that one as well.
