Cass’s next words remind me why I’m not meant to be thinking these things.
‘Yeah, but no one expects you to keep it. You can’t help yourself, it’s like having the Pied bloody Piper as an older brother, they all want to play your flute.’ She dissolves into giggles again.
‘Oh, you’re on form today, aren’t you? Absolutely filthy, Cassie Cooper, you should be ashamed of yourself. And Iwasserious. A change is as good as a rest and I’m going to stop dating for a bit. I made a promise and believe that change is a good thing. That it can open up doors in our lives that would be kept shut if we hadn’t dared take a different path.’ That had been the real reason behind me swearing on the family call that I was going to give up dating, flirting or any kind of sexual or hopefully sexual engagement with women for six months. I would stop my search for Ms Right and live in the moment as Cass was always nagging me to.
The whole bloody lot of them had laughed for a good five minutes, but after listening to The Love Doctor’s podcast I reckoned showing that change wasn’t terrifying but achievable was a solid plan. It was a good way of planting a seed in Cassie’s brain without being overbearing about the changes I think she should make, and fast.
Which brings me to the phone on the edge of the hot tub. Who brings their phone with them? The whole point is to get away and relax, but I suspect this is an indicator of the bigger picture and every inch of me is itching to refer to it. I hear The Love Doctor’s words in my head and hold it all back, but it’s not easy.
‘You’re never gonna manage to last more than a week. I’ll believe you can do it when I see it but I think you’ve just left exhibit A in the sauna.’
‘Shhhh!’ I furrow my brow. The last thing that poor woman needs if she leaves the sauna traumatised is to hear herself described as exhibit A. I can see myself in the bloody dock now. ‘We were chatting, no flirting, I promise. Just chatting. I’m going to prove this to you. You know I like a challenge; you wait and see. I am going to live like a monk for six months and when I do you are going to have to grovel hard. Real hard. That will make it all worthwhile.’
‘Brother mine, if you can stay celibate for sixweeksI shall grovel hard. Six months, and I’ll make you a bloody banner announcing to the world that you are a saint and I am a sister of very little faith. How does that sound?’
‘Deal.’
‘I tell you what, I’m so convinced I’ve got this one, let’s make it really interesting.’
I pause, I had been reaching forward to shake hands to seal the deal. ‘Go on.’ I never have been able to resist a challenge.
‘Bloody hell, did the cacti get your hand as well?’ she asks and I twist my hand, all wet and scratched, so she can see it properly.
‘Oh no, no, but you know what did?’
‘Go on.’
‘Darling bloody Dimkins got my hand. And my curtains, every cushion in the house and one of my brand-new Jordans. He’s also managed to pull some skirting board off. I don’t know how he’s done that, he’s like The Hulk but in cat form, and then he hides behind the skirting, gets trapped, mews for hours and then does it all again the next night. Three bits of skirting board I’ve fixed back to the wall so far. Three nights of being woken up at daft o’clock in the morning and having to go search for him!’
‘I love that cat. Isn’t he the best?’
‘No, he’s not the best, not by a long shot. Stuffed and in a case he might be better.’
‘Ooh, you devil,’ Cass responds with mock outrage. She knows me well enough to know that I am joking.
‘And what’s more, I can’t, I won’t, call him that stupid name.’
‘That’s his name, Jay, you can’t go messing with that. What if I started calling you something different? You’re all about respecting identity, name-changing is definitely a no-go.’
‘I’m not called Darling Dimkins and trust me if I were I would have changed that shit by now. The Deed Poll offices would be top of my most recent and frequent calls list and I would be well on my way to having a name that didn’t make me look like I should be locked up.’
‘Right then, Jack, sorry you feel that way but you can’t change her name.’
‘Really? Look, if you want me standing on the street calling “Darling” every night, how do you expect me to stay single for six months, huh?’ I raise my eyebrows. Hah! Got her.
‘With firm resolve, although now you mention it the thought of that is a joy. Will you film yourself and...’ Our banter is stopped by her phone vibrating on the side of the hot tub. I watch as her shoulders clench as she reaches for it.
Bloody Jasmine. I want to grab the phone and fling it out of this area and down into the deepest end of the swimming pool just across from us. I know that would make me even worse than my sister’s girlfriend but really, need I say it again?Who brings their phone to a hot tub, huh?
‘Oh, it’s just Marcus about a band.’ Cass smiles and puts the phone down carefully.
‘Okay, is he good? How’s work?’ I ask. Marcus is one of my oldest friends, I’ve known him since primary, and Cass works with him at a bar, Mama K’s, that we have been going to for as long as I can remember.
‘Yeah, um, I meant to tell you about that. I don’t, um... I don’t work there anymore. I handed in my notice a month or so ago and asked everyone to keep schtum and last night was my final shift. I know I should have said and Marcus felt bad but, well, you know.’ She shrugs her shoulders and I imagine the expression on my face is probably saying what my brain is thinking. ‘I want to concentrate on my art. You’ve always said I’m good.’ She continues justifying her decision knowing that I’m going to have something to say about this.
‘Yeah, I’ve always said you should push your art more. You’re so talented, but what about bills and stuff?’ I try and keep my voice calm, non-judgemental, but what I actually want to scream isKeep non-Jas bits of your life strong.
‘I know but Jas reckons she earns more than enough to keep the both of us, which she does, and it would be so lovely to be able to concentrate on my art fully, you know. Proper dedicate myself to it for a bit. Jas reckons we could maybe move out of the city, be a bit more rural, get ourselves somewhere with a room I could make my studio.’
