‘Yeah, it was... It felt brutal. But, you know, it’s done.’ I say as Marcus joins us.
‘For sure, but you know what this man would say,’ Mo states gesturing at Marcus who has just joined us.
I grin and say, ‘I do. And nothing that man says is sense.’
Marcus shakes his head in disbelief, a grin across his face. Marcus is a fool but the man brings the sunshine. ‘If you’re talking about me then youmust betalking women.’
‘Donkeys, mate. We were talking donkeys.’ We move back outside.
‘Now I know that ain’t true. You’ve been looking down, Jay. You should be smiling, look.’ He points to the sun. ‘Ah...ah!’ He shakes his hand at me and then clicks his fingers. ‘It’s that girl. Has she knocked you back again? She did tell you it was work only. She’s obviously seen a finer man.’ He runs his hand down his torso, stippling his fingers and beaming. From the corner of my eye I see Mo shake his head. Marcus stops. ‘I’m sorry, but you know there’s a whole world of p—’
‘We’ve got kids here,’ Mo says forcefully.
Luke joins us, having heard the conversation and dangling a pack of Red Stripe. ‘Did you guys not have like work and some event thing happening?’
‘Yeah. Is that sorting itself?’ Mo adds.
‘Work’s fine. I’m going to structure her sessions so they are when I’m out-of-office, it’ll still run fine. The event thing? Oh, you mean Drag Factor. Yeah, I don’t know what to do about that. I gave my word. I’ve got the choir involved, all that means I should go. Some of my young ones from work are going but you know, I’m not feeling it. I can’t. It would be weird, right? It would be weird.’ I nod, convincing myself.
‘Yeah, yeah. You can’t be doing that,’ Marcus says firmly as he takes a can from Luke and pops it open. ‘Nah. Have some pride. You don’t need to be in her life anymore, not outside like professional commitments. Bin it.’
I look over at Mo. He shrugs. ‘He’s right. You have no obligation to go. Don’t feel bad if you don’t.’ He wiggles his head and says ultra-casually, ‘But if you’re not sure, then see how you feel in the moment. You’ll know what’s right then.’
‘Nah, he’s talking bollocks, mate, it’s weird, it’s stalky and you should have more respect for yourself.’
‘Sometimes things aren’t black and white, sometimes there’s nuance,’ Mo chips in.
‘Nah, you see, no, there’s not. Sometimes things are clear, clear, clear. And I’m not on shift that Saturday, so you and me, we’re going to have a night. Have. A. Night.’ He slaps me on my back and I decide he is right. What am I even thinking? Lily is out of my life. There is no way I am going to Drag Factor.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jay
Idecide to drop in quickly on Cass on my way home from the barbecue. It seemed like a good idea when I had it; she’s been MIA for a good few days now and I want to actually physically check in. But as I ring Cassie’s doorbell I’m feeling nervous. My stomach is a pit of knots and fear at what I may find. My mind seems to naturally shoot to worst case scenario. Best case in this situation is that Cass answers the door and tears a strip off me for interfering.
Because what I really need this week is someone else I care for deeply shouting at me.
The thing with Cass is she does love painting and has a strong sense of responsibility, so not showing up this week to help finish off the scenery is a huge red flag. I have called and messaged and she has always responded in normal Cass words, i.e. full of swearing and telling me to back the hell up, let her live her life her way, but no real explanation for her absence.
Seeing as I’ve been spending a fair amount of my spare time this week going to the community centre as Dan puts everyone through their paces for their choral back-up to Jinx, I have managed to finish the majority of the scenery. Most of it had been drawn freehand by Cass so I just had to fill in the gaps with the colours, all of which were pretty obvious. But it’s been weird working alongside Dan and yet no longer feeling part of Team #MakeSureJinxWins. Neither of us has said anything about it, but it is more than clear that I am not welcome in Lily’s life.
‘Hello.’ Cass’s voice comes through the intercom.
‘Hey, Cass, it’s me, can you buzz me in?’
‘Seriously? What are you doing here, Jay?
‘Checking in.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Can you just come downstairs?’ I’m not prepared to go until I can see her in person. Check she has a face and all her limbs. Jas has never been violent as far as I’m aware but I don’t trust her an inch and I need to see Cass for myself so I can relax a bit. I need to know something is going okay.
‘For fuck’s sake, Jay.’ I hear Cass slam the intercom down and soon the thud, thud of her feet hammers down the stairs like a very pissed-off baby elephant.
Definitely not chained up then.
She wrenches the door open and there she is, not a whisper of a bruise or even a tiny plaster. There is no outward sign of injury at all although she looks like she hasn’t slept for days and there’s a pallor to her skin which doesn’t indicate someone in the prime of her life.
