Heading to the door, I glance in the mirror to check my outward appearance is no reflection of the flustering I feel inside.
I take a deep breath and pull the door open. Another quick fantasy plays though my mind. Jay is on the other side of the door in nothing but his swimming trunks and has come to tell me that he can’t stop thinking about me and then as I see his eyes, his face, his chest, I pull him into the building, drag him up the stairs and... Oh, stop now! Stop!
I pull open the door, half of me keen to re-enact this fantasy, half of me terrified in case it really is him and I’m either going to have to use all my powers of restraint or defend the indefensible.
‘Oh my God, what were you doing in there?’ Kevin pants as I open the door and he pushes his way in. Relief soars through me followed by a stab of disappointment. No lurid office-based fantasy for the end of my working day after all.
But he is a picture all by himself. He is dressed in the most amazing gown, although it’s not a gown, more a half-sewn sheath, made of a gold, sort of bronze, fabric that shimmers and changes shade with every movement. Not that movement is advised, because it has a central slit so high that if he moves a millimetre there is a chance I’ll get to see all the way up to his navel. It is very tight and one arm is flapping open, not having been sewn yet.
‘I was coming,’ I answer. ‘There’s no need to ring the buzzer like—’
‘Like, like, like. Don’t talk to me about liking anything right now. My world is falling apart.’
I am trying not to stare but besides the beautiful gown, Kevin has on a blonde Dolly Parton wig that he clearly hasn’t fixed in place with his usual adhesive, it is more than a little lopsided and he hasn’t made his face up. Neither is he sporting glamazon heels; instead he is in a pair of old trainers that I thought he had thrown out months ago. I have seen Kevin in many, many states over the years but I haveneverknown him to set foot out of the house in such a fabulous gown without putting the whole package together. I try and distract him...
‘You’re looking amazing. I’ve not seen that dress before. Have you and Dan...’
At the mention of Dan Kevin starts to wail, managing to choke out, ’My world is falling apart and you want to talk fashion?’
‘Your world can’t be falling apart. I’ve got you. Come, tell me what has happened.’
‘Dan has run off and left me.’
‘I’m sure that’s not the case.’
‘It is. It is.’ He flaps his arms in an attempt to make me realise how serious it is. ‘Owww. Oww.’ He starts pulling at his dress and then lets out an exclamation of triumph and waves a pin in the air at me. ‘See, first he pierces my body and now he is trashing my heart. I knew I shouldn’t have let this happen. I knew it.’
‘Tell me what’s happened. What is Dan doing? Shh shh.’ I can’t imagine Dan ever doing anyone any harm but Kevin is truly in a state. I take the pins, sit him on the sofa and then cradle his head against my tummy as I stand there, stroking his hair.
Kevin starts to sob into my belly and I hold him there for a bit until his sobbing dissipates, when I move to the side and sit down next to him on the couch.
‘Now, now, tell me what’s happening. Let me help you if I can.’
‘We were having what was meant to be the final fitting.’
‘And it looks beautiful.’
‘It may look beautiful but I am full of pins, stuck left right and centre, a walking talking pincushion.’
‘You’ve always liked a lot of pricks,’ I say trying to lighten the mood but instead of giggling and agreeing he scowls at me, shouts ‘Oww’ again and pulls out another pin before giving me a mournful look.
‘I used to, I used to, but finally I realise there is only the one for me...’
‘Bloody hell.’ It falls out of my mouth without thinking. ‘Do you mean Dan?’ I make my tone softer but my head and my heart are doing victory jumps.
‘Dan,’ he repeats, nodding. ‘And now I have been brave and given my heart...’ He looks at me like a mournful puppy and I feel myself scrunch up my lips in support, all my irritation towards him evaporated. ‘Now, I’ve stuck my head over the parapet, taken a chance on life and I have been shot down, shot down, and into a million tiny pieces.
All of this is so heartfelt but it’s not giving me any facts. The one thing I am sure of is that there has to be a rational explanation.
‘And I have Drag Factor coming up, Dan has literally abandoned me in the middle of this fitting. I am still not sure about the first song, we were supposed to be making a final decision today, and now he has fucked off to go and flaunt himself all over The Downs with his lover.’
‘Dan has a lover?’
‘He has an ex.’
‘We all have exes!’
‘You don’t.’ A mini grin shoots across his face. Clearly, broken hearts don’t impact sarcasm.
