‘Hmmm,’ we all say in unison. Keith scratches his chin, taking us back to the playground.
‘Cheeky fuckers. But... am I right?’ Marcus asks.
‘Mmm, kind of,’ I grudgingly admit.
Luke has shot up into a seated position and says, ‘I’ve never seen you look so down over a girl before, and we remember Shani in Year Seven. What’s going on?’
‘Honestly, I’m not sure. She’s not...er...she’s not answering my messages.’
‘You’ve been ghosted, oh maaaann! Nah. Can you believe it, someone’s ghosted our boy. Never thought I’d see the day.’ Marcus slaps his thigh.
‘Yeah, thanks for that.’
‘Happens to the best of us.’ It doesn’t. It just happens to Marcus more than most.
‘Come on, let’s go grab a pint. That’ll sort you out. Who’s coming?’ Everyone bar Mo and me jump to their feet at Marcus' suggestion.
‘Nah, I’ll catch you in a bit though,’ I say and they all drift off, leaving me and Mo on the pitch.
‘So what’s actually going on?’ Mo says. He has always been the most insightful of my friends.
‘Mate, I don’t know.’
‘You like her?’
‘I really do, like really do.’ I take another sip of water.
‘And is that because she’s not falling into your arms, making you fight for her? Is this a basic psychology thing, man?’
‘I’ve thought about that, I have. I really don’t think it’s that. I think I’ve just found my person. There’s something about her. And yes, she looks great but it’s more than that, she could have three heads and five noses, but I don’t think it would change how I feel when I’m with her.’
‘And how’s that?’
‘At peace. Or at least I did. It feels right. It’s intangible, I can’t put it into words. I just know that I want to spend every waking moment with her and all the asleep ones too.’
‘I’ve never heard you say that before.’
‘I’ve never said it, I don’t think. I can’t see why I would, I’ve never felt like this before. Sure, I’ve been in love but I think I’ve always been caught up with the practicalities, you know. The belief that I could make a life with someone and want to go and do that...until I don’t. You know what I’m like. But this, this is completely different. This is a feeling, something I know to be true, and all the things I worried about before, none of that matters because with Lily that need to be together trumps anything else I’ve ever felt. I’d do anything for her. What I want comes second place. Seriously, man, all I care about is making her life better.’
‘You’ve got it bad. She’s not returning your calls?’
‘She’s not returning my messages. I haven’t called because I know her, Mo, and if she doesn’t want to return my messages then how is me bounding in with direct calls going to do anything but alienate her?’
‘Fair. So what are you going to do? Just suck it up and not say anything?’
‘Honestly, I don’t know. We’re meant to be working together on some projects, one for the youth club and one helping out her best mate, so I’m thinking I just need to bide my time, coax her out in those situations. If I push, I’ll scare her more than she’s scared already.’
‘And what does your sister say?’
‘Hmmm, I haven’t actually properly told her yet. We’re catching up tomorrow so I thought I’d speak to her then. I need to speak to her before I do anything else. I have no idea what she’s going to say. As much as the boys are joking, I did promise her I’d stay single for six months and it’s important to do that. I really can’t go into the whys...’
Mo nods. He understands the need not to share every last thing, and that’s one of the reasons I have always respected him.
‘So, you’re going speak to Cass, you’re speaking to me, but the only person you’re not chatting to about this is Lily? And she’s the only person who can help you resolve it. Is that about right?’
‘Yeah, I guess so.’
‘Look, man, I don’t know the full situation and I admire you respecting her need for space. In the crazy world we live in everyone is all about speaking your truth and honestly, sometimes I think your truth should take a back seat and respect the needs of those around you, but in this case, in this case I think you need to speak out. You need to say how you feel and see what happens, and it may not pan out your way and that’s gonna sting but you’ll be all right. The one thing I do know is that Lily is entitled to have all the information and that includes you being honest about how you feel and see where she takes it. And if she wants to carry on blocking you out, so be it. But at least you know you’ve done your best and know that you couldn’t have done any more. Cos the one thing you don’t want hanging over your head is that if-I-had-only feeling. Yeah, she’s ignoring you and normally I would say leave it. That in itself is a screaming loud message but if your work overlaps with hers, then it needs sorting. You need to speak to her, knowing that you can’t control how she responds but you can take charge of what you say.’
