‘Oh honey, I told you, I saw you two last night. I don’t think it’s me that’s going to be painting the backdrops forJoseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoatthis year, oh no.’
‘Ha! Shut up.’
‘For all my teasing, the two of you do look cute together. You seem to create a world that exists only for the two of you, you know.’
‘No, we don’t!’
‘You may not be aware of it but you definitely do, I can’t help but comp—’ She pauses; her face has changed and as she speaks these words it is not filled with the joy of teasing me as it normally is. She looks down at her lap and fidgets with her top, scrunching it up into a tight ball and letting it go again before putting a big smile back on her face.
All of this occurs in a microsecond but I know Cass, and I know this means there is something not right, something she’s not prepared to talk about just yet but is in the back of her mind. Can’t help comp— Complain, compete...err, compare? Compare, is that what she means? Is she comparing me and Lily to her and Jasmine’s relationship? I don’t want to get too excited so I keep my face as composed as it can be, reaching to grab my water back so I can take a pull as she continues to speak. ‘You look like you should be together, you know? There’s something about the two of you together that just sort of fits.’
‘Hey, slow your roll, that’s not going to happen,’ I say, although I couldn’t agree with her more. But I am not ’fessing up just yet, I want a little bit of time to process myself, find out what is going to happen before I unburden myself to my sister. I cast around for a flippant get-out that is not a lie.
Aha! ‘I have my hands full with bloody Dimkins as it is...’ It is true – by the time I got back home this morning, he had shredded yet another cushion and emptied the washing basket. I considered googling demonic possession. ‘And you’re forgetting, Lily is a self-confessed workaholic who loves her single life and has no desire to settle down and build something.’ All true, but I don’t like having to say it; which indicates I probably should remind myself of this frequently. I brace myself and name another truth. ‘Plus, we have very different life goals. Where she wants to be at forty and at fifty is a whole world away from what I want.’
‘You’re a workaholic too,’ Cass retorts.
‘No, if I was then would I not be there now rather than helping you?’
‘It’s a Sunday.’
‘And work stops on a Sunday?’ I ask. I’m fairly sure that people have been working on Sundays for quite some time now. My girls’ problems don’t disappear because it’s the weekend.
‘Yours does. You don’t have to be in until this evening.’
‘You’re undermining your own argument, you know,’ I say. Cass squishes her face up into her I-don’t-care expression and I can’t help but smile. She has been doing that since birth.
‘Okay,’ Cassie nods. I am surprised that she is not mounting more of a campaign to prove me wrong, but if she’s happy to leave it then I very definitely am.
Though some self-sabotaging bit in me feels the need to add, ‘And also, whilst I know we don’t believe in leagues...’
‘No, we don’t,’ my sister retorts firmly, ‘They’re reductive judgemental bullshit.’
‘Yep, all of that. Still, she is kind of outta mine.’ I don’t know why I’m saying this, what response I’m hoping for.
That mischief-laden grin slips back on to Cass’s face. ‘Yeah, she is.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Well, what do you want me to say? I think you’re the best man in the world but you know, she’s very glam, she lives in a different world to you and me. She doesn’t live on frozen pizza and oven chips...’
‘Oi, I don’t live on frozen pizza!’
‘Yeah, fair point, you are very health conscious. And I don’t either since Jas banned junk food. But I bet she doesn’t have to hoik wardrobes down two flights of stairs, she pays someone to do that.’
I want to tell Cass that I was at Lily’s house last night, that I think she’s being a bit harsh. But I know that she’ll miss the point and is merely going to punch the air in joy at the thought of me with a paintbrush in my hand whilst the sound of ‘Any Dream Will Do’ is being repeatedly rehearsed.
‘Come on, let’s get this thing delivered,’ I say instead and usher her towards the van. The hope that she is beginning to spot flaws in her and Jas’ relationship remains strong in me. I remember what Lily said on the podcast before I knew she was Lily, that being around other couples may reveal to Cass what is different about hers. It had never occurred to me that The Love Doctor herself and I might become her example.
‘You know, Jay...’ Cass starts to say and I flick my head to look at her. We are in the van now, almost at the community choir’s base. ‘I know I giggled when you said you were out of Lily’s league but actually I want to say something about that.’
Oh bloody hell, does she have to? I brace myself for whatever may be coming next.
‘The truth is I’ve always admired and respected the way you treat the women in your life, Jay. I know I complain, and I’m right, about the way you want them to meet point a, b, c and all the way through to bloody zee before you will consider rushing them down the aisle and making babies. That isnothealthy...’
‘Hey, I agree, I’ve conceded that point. Am I not actually living the very rules you want me to right now?’ I feel myself flush at my own audacity.
‘Yes, you are. Let me finish what I’m saying.’ She punches me on the leg and I make a pinching motion with my fingers like we used to as kids. Obviously, I’m not going to do it now; we’re full-grown adults. But I do rub my leg and pop a pained expression on my face nonetheless. And then I remember something I meant to bring up from yesterday.
