God.
Luisa is so right, sometimes you just need a splurge. After the cocktails at her house I stayed relatively sober because it may be New Year’s Eve now but it’s Marsha’s birthday tomorrowandI want to go to work in the morning. For a start it’s the only way I have of paying my rent for sure until the Jamal alliance fully takes off and it’s wrong to leave the Hope House girls in the lurch. So drinking I’m not, but dancing I can.
Jamal’s set is outstanding, he has us all in the palm of his hand, lifting us up and twirling us around with the music he plays. I haven’t danced for so long. Tonight I dance on a podium, I dance with my head in the speakers, I dance with Luisa and Remi and I dance with strangers. I dance and dance and it feels magnificent.
High on life, I pull out my phone to see how close we are to midnight – ten to, so not long – when my eye alights on someone sliding off the stage and into the front of the crowd. He is all lit up with fairy lights and from a distance his frame is similar to Rory’s. My heart pangs. We could have been so good.
I turn to look for Luisa and Remi to make sure we’re together as the New Year is counted in when Jamal takes to the mic.
‘Ay. Ay. Ay. Thank you, Bristol, for coming out tonight. It is so good to be home and to be playing to my people. It is extra special because as we know this iconic club, one that has seen decades of music history being made, one that I may have had a moment or two in myself in my much younger days…’ Innocence is there, I see him in the crowd as he whit-woo’s loudly and Jamal raises an eyebrow and nods with a damn-right look on his face. ‘Anyway, this place is being shut down soon…’ The crowd gentle-boos and Jamal holds his hand up for quiet. ‘However, I’m going to ask for all of your patience whilst we create another very special moment in this seminal club. One of my oldest friends from back in the day, who came up with me all the way from Mandela City Primary, has an apology to make. Tonight, as the old year bows out and the new one swooshes in seems like the perfect time. So please, a bit of quiet for my boy, and I promise we’ll have the music back on in a few minutes.’ Jamal stands to the side and claps his hands in the direction of the man who had slid down from the stage. A man now enrobed in Christmas tree lights with a spotlight fixed right on him.Rory!Rory stands there all lit up and looks straight at me.
It’s the first time I’ve seen him since he left me outside The Mont, since he broke my heart. I’m frozen to the spot for a minute and then shake myself out of it, casting around for Luisa or Remi. Both walk up behind me, and Luisa rubs a circle on my back, reminding me that she has me for ever and that whatever is about to unfold is going to be okay.
I’m not so sure.
Whatisgoing to unfold? Dear God, I hope Rory isn’t going to apologise in front of the hundreds of people, paused and clustered into groups and watching. I hope he isn’t going to reveal to the world that he’s sorry for hurting my feelings and please can we be friends.
I want to die. That whole hole-opening-up wish that people have in situations like this is not strong enough, but death will probably do. I look around for a fire exit. There it is, the lettering lit in neon green, I can run out there if needs be.
The bars of a song come on and Rory throws his arms out wide. Before I know it he’s dancing towards me singing Blondie’s ‘The Tide Is High’ – shouting rather than singing, to be accurate – whilst thrusting a solitary digit into the air. He is making such a fool of himself but my God is he giving it his all. People stand all around us chuckling good-naturedly, captivated by his very personal and public humiliation. He is right in front of me now and I can’t help but smile, beam even, anxiety disappearing as I look at this man, this man with the kind green eyes and strong shoulders and fear of making a tit of himself in public, who is currently covered in fairy lights and murdering Debbie Harry.
He hurt me badly the other day but right now he is here, doing this for me. Telling me, and I hope to God I have interpreted this correctly, telling me he wants me to be his number one. Am I being wildly optimistic? What else can it be?
The music changes suddenly to ‘Careless Whisper’, at which point he falls to his knees as he mouths, ‘Waste a chance that I’d been given.’ Mortifyingly cringe but tears of laughter are streaming down my cheeks – he was born to overact eighties dance moves – and I feel a little tap on my shoulder. Alison has somehow snuck in and is beside me nodding and pointing with pride. I look across the circle that has formed around Rory and see Innocence punching the air and shouting, ‘Go boy, go!’ and I see the beam of joy across Luisa’s face. Chardonnay has appeared from nowhere, her pilot standing behind her and holding her close. Everyone is here and sharing this moment with me.
The music changes again. I recognise it immediately.
No, surely not?
Jamal comes across the mic again, ‘Rory is going to teach us a new dance, guys. You never know, it may well take off. Feel free to just let go and join in.’
Rory is a foot in front of me now and gives me the biggest smile. Surely he isn’t going to … oh yes, he is. He brings one hand up to his chest, then another and then drops them into paws. I can’t stop laughing now; it spills out of me like waves over a beach. I literally have to clutch my tummy as he starts boinging around the dance floor, spotlight still on him, paws held high and singing Tigger’s version of “Jingle Bells”.
He is insane. This is insane. Utter public mortification.
I hold one paw up, then another and boing over to join him, singing as loudly as I can.
‘Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.’
He shoots me a look, a look that says so many things, the most obvious being gratitude but the deepest being love. No one but him has ever really looked at me this way before and I know I will follow this man to the ends of the earth.
The place lights up – for some bizarre reason Rory’s dance seems to tickle people and they all start to join in. I don’t think Lakota has ever seen its club alive to Winnie the Pooh music before, but tonight it does. Everyone is Tigger bouncing. Remi and Luisa are boinging and from the passion Alison puts into it I can picture her as a young woman with some seriously impressive punk moves. I even see Innocence boing past at one point and my heart swells with love for these people, this city, this man in his stupid lit-up Christmas hat and jumper, making a fool of himself to get my attention.
The music comes to a stop and Jamal holds up his hands,
‘Now my man has one more thing to do, and I thank you for bearing with us. You are amazing. Ready, Rory?’
Rory nods and Jamal starts to beatbox. Rory turns to me and looks straight into my eyes. ‘I know I have been a complete fool, Belle. An absolute arse. So I have written you this to make it clear how bad I feel, how sorry I am, how much love and respect and, well, awe I have for the person you are and how much I would love you to let me start again.’
He takes a deep breath and then…
‘Shall I compare thee to a Christmas Day?
Thou art more merry and bring far more joy.
Thy smile, thy voice, the truth of what thou say’st
Maketh my soul less brok’n, my hope less coy.’
