‘You said you were worried about something? Even though you said it was a tiny thing, I am a good listener.’ I lean forward and place my hand on her arm.
‘I feel a bit daft.’
‘Oh, trust. I am The Queen of Daft. I’d give you a few examples but I’m wary of making a bad impression.’
‘Impossible. Rory’s smile in recent weeks is all the impression I need. Besides, I don’t know if he told you but I’m a hardened criminal these days.’
‘Ha, he did. I would have loved to see that. It sounds hilarious.’
‘Honestly, I don’t know what came over me in that moment. I just really wanted to do it. Actually, maybe I do know. The cancer diagnosis, it shakes you. It certainly has shaken me, made me reflect on how I’ve lived my life, the choices I’ve made and the things I’ve done. And at the risk of sounding big-headed, I think I’ve done okay. Rory is my proudest achievement…’ I nod my head. I may not be a parent but I can understand her pride. ‘And I’ve tried to live a life where I’ve done no harm to anyone, but I’ve never been naughty, not really. I’m outspoken about my views so I’m no shrinking violet and I was a cool-ass punk in my youth but that naughtiness, that thrill of mischief, I’ve not felt that since I was a child and you know what? It was magnificent. I still don’t feel any guilt about it. That moment of not believing I had dared to do it, my heartbeat as I ran – I never run! – through that shopping centre, it was the most exhilarating thing I’ve done in decades. It was amazing. And after this surgery I’m going to make sure I fill my life with such moments again.’ She grins at me and I get it. ‘Not theft, that’s not really okay and honestly, Rory returned to the shop and paid the next day. He didn’t really approve of me sticking it to The Man.’ She winks. ‘But special heart-racing moments – I want those. I’m thinking I’d like to do a parachute jump. Dave and Rory will go mad but I’m going to give it a go. Maybe work up to one of those flying squirrel suits, have you seen them?’
‘Oh yes! I so want to do that. Imagine how that must feel, just flying through the air.’
‘Yes! I thought you’d get it.’ She pauses for a minute, looks at me, considering. I don’t know what to do with my body so just hold my smile and hope she hurries up. ‘My son is quite tight-lipped about his emotions, you know.’ Oh wow! Is this what she does? Pulls you in and then blindsides you. ‘I don’t know what’s happening between the two of you. I’m nosy, I want to know, he’s my boy, my only baby and I adore him. I’m biased but I don’t think you could meet a nicer man in the world.’
I nod in agreement. I’ve certainly seen the evidence of that.
‘I should probably tell you, we’re just—’ I start to say but she holds her hand up, interrupting me.
‘You don’t need to tell me. Just cos I want to know doesn’t mean I should, he’s an adult and has the right to some privacy. But whatever you’re doing, if you could just keep doing it I would be insanely grateful.’
I don’t know how to respond to that. I know my face alone is chucking out enough heat to melt any remaining snow between here and Bath and that inside, parts of me are squealing with joy.
Even just by being his friend I am helping put a smile on this gorgeous man’s face.
And his mum likes me. I don’t think that has ever happened before. My heart is doing cartwheels … no, scrap cartwheels, my heart is a full-on acrobatic circus.
But today isn’t about me. Today is about Alison.
‘I’m so glad to hear that Rory is more relaxed but ignore your boys for a minute and tell me what’s been botheringyou. They mean well and are obviously only trying to shut you down because they care; they probably just don’t get it.’
‘Let you weave some of your sunshine magic on me, you mean?’
‘Ah, I’m more of a Christmas elf at this time of year.’
‘In that case you’ll like this. It’s a little bit Christmas elfish and it’s been so much fun.’ Alison grins and in her I see Rory at his most playful. I rub my hands. I am so here for this.
‘Oh wow, go on then.’
Alison recounts her worry, claiming it’s the closest she has got to naughty before her crazed House of Fraser dash, and I fall a little bit more in love with her. It is the cutest thing I have ever heard. I can see where Rory got his caring side from – always going further than he needs to – from his role model right here.
Her face is a picture as she sits telling me how every Christmas for the past five years she has made batches of chocolate and then crept into her workplace super early and left a bag on everybody’s desk, including her own, as a surprise anonymous gift. It’s clear how much she loves doing this and I can see flashes of the mischief I occasionally glance in Rory’s face as she explains how exciting it is tiptoeing around the building, the adrenaline building if she hears even a merest snippet of noise, terrified she’ll be caught. She is proud that so far no one has worked out the secret Santa is her.
‘I’ve been itching to make them over the past couple of weeks, and yet I know how stupid it is. When I got the date of my appointment through I was so relieved that the surgery would be happening so soon and before Christmas, that they were going to cut this, this thing, out of me quickly. But when the relief had simmered down a bit there was a real pang that it was on the Monday of all days. But I guess that’s the universe for you, a little bit of give and take.’
Isn’t that the truth? I smile. She pauses and looks at me and I nod lightly, indicating that I’m more than happy to listen as she starts to trace a shape with her finger on the table.
‘I am so grateful for my boys, for the fact that Rory flew home so he could be here and spend time with me before and after. That Dave is, well, Dave, the kindest, most supportive man on the planet. I know how lucky I am to have not just one but two of them determined to drive me to hospital, to sit with me, wait for me. I can’t ask them to do a quick flit across to the other side of the city at the crack of dawn to deliver secret homemade gifts to indulge me. It’s too much. It’s taking advantage. But the trouble is now that I’m not doing it this year and I’m out on long-term sick leave, everyone’s going to know it’s me. I don’t do it for the attention, for me the joy is the secrecy, that little bit of Christmas magic, and if I start it up when I am well enough to go back … touch wood, then that magic will be lost. Everyone will know I’m the anonymous gift giver.’
‘I can understand that. I get it completely.’
‘Right. And I understand the boys’ point. It’s not life or death. Cancer is … cancerislife or death and I’m lucky to be in the position I’m in. We caught it early thanks to all those awareness campaigns and the mammograms. I’m guessing Rory told you.’ I nod but stay silent so she can continue. ‘And this secret Santa thing, I need to let it go. And I thought I had but now today is my last chance to do it and I’m in a bit of a panic. I know I should calm down, I know how silly I’m being. But our brains are crazy creatures and boom, it’s at the front of my mind and won’t stop niggling me, even though you’re here and providing a beautiful distraction. You must think I’m so daft.’
‘Hell no. I think you’re freaking inspirational. And that it speaks to the sort of person you are. I think it’s a lovely thing and you’re right, our brainsarecrazy creatures, they don’t always behave the way we want or expect them to. Mine definitely doesn’t. Where do you work?’
‘Daltons.’
No, surely not. ‘Daltons on the Bath Road?’ I can’t believe it, of all the coincidences!
