With huge relief on my part, and I suspect Belle’s as well, we collect the tree from outside.
‘The man told us this tree is two years older than me,’ I am informed by a very proud Marsha, ‘but I’ll probably live longer. Mummy says she kills everything green eventually but I’m pinky-brown so I should be okay.’
I find myself wrapped up in a cloud of comfort as we bumble happily through the evening, threading popcorn and giggling at the antics ofThe First Snow of Winter. I can’t remember the last time I relaxed like this, not fretted about how I needed to get to the next thing and the next. It is only when Luisa and Belle are putting Marsha to bed – which involves her running up the stairs as if her heels are on fire shrieking, ‘the biggest shoe, the biggest shoe’ – that I realise I have been here for about two hours and, as yet, have not pitched my plan to Belle. So much for my focused professionalism.
There’s a lot of kerfuffling and eventually the two women come down the stairs giggling.
‘Another mulled cider, Rory?’
‘No thanks, it was really good though. Your daughter was right.’
‘Marsha is biased but flattery like that will get you almost anywhere. It’s been lovely seeing you again, Rory, really nice to catch up. But now, tell me, what are your intentions with our Belle?’
Belle.
Oh my God. My mouth drops open. I love Luisa but there are times I could bloody kill her and this is one of them. Kill her!
What the hell is she thinking? It’s been a really nice evening, and then boom! She has to drop a bomb into the mix. I’m amazed that Queen Tact here hasn’t followed it up withSo, go on, we never got all the details about your girlfriend’s death, tell us everything.
Rory, to his credit, smiles and goes as red as I am and assures us it is merely professional interest.
I am too busy right now trying to get my face to lessen its massive flush of embarrassment, hoping that breathing regularly and plotting revenge on Luisa are the way forward.
‘What is it that you want her for then … professionally?’ Luisa quirks a brow and truth is, had it been anyone but me and Rory frigging Walters at the centre of this I would be hard pressed not to giggle. That woman’s facial expressions are comedy gold. I cock my head and hold my breath. It’s a good point. What does he want from me professionally? Last night he told me he had something sensitive to discuss and came over, but then we got caught up in the project and he never really said anything further about why he was there. And at the time it hadn’t mattered. Was this what that was about?
‘Last night you showed me…’ Rory began.
Luisa quirks her brow again and I go from crimson to scarlet.
‘You’re so bad,’ he addresses Luisa as I nod in agreement. She is. ‘Belle showed me her project and I was blown away. It’s remarkable.’
‘See, I told you!’ Luisa claps her hands gleefully and points to me. ‘It is, isn’t it? I know she loves it and she’s right to but I don’t think she understands the enormity, the magnificence of what she’s done.’
‘It’s okay, I know I’ve worked hard but you know that’s the perk of not having a life.’ I look down at my feet and then it dawns on me that with Rory’s past that was not a tactful thing to say. Shit. Surely, he knows I didn’t mean it literally. That I was covering up my embarrassment at the fulsome praise. I’d best just shut up. I scratch at something on the corner of my shoe, pretend I don’t already know it’s a scuff mark.
‘I couldn’t agree more, Luisa, and it seemed to me that it deserved a wider audience,’ Rory says.
Luisa’s nodding now with fervour. I’m trying to keep my eyes open. When I was a child, if something was uncomfortable I’d close my eyes, block the world out until it was gone. But adult me knows that it’s neither Rory nor Luisa’s intention to make me feel uncomfortable. It isn’t their fault that this is so cringe for me. I just hate being the centre of attention, I’m uncomfortable with it and quite frankly it has never turned out well for me.Belle, what do you think you’re doing? Tut, it’s always you, isn’t it? You can be relied on to let everyone down… Why are you always so difficult? Why can’t you just fit in?I turn the voices off and focus on what is going on around me, tune into Rory’s voice instead of those of my family.
‘So I had a think and I don’t want to be the twat that turns up with loads of suggestions of what are the best next steps to take, mansplain stuff to you, so if you think I’m doing that, stop me and I’ll cease immediately and vacate the premises.’ I look up at him through my eyelashes and see that he too feels a bit uncomfortable. I force a smile to my lips, one that I hope saysI know your intent is good, don’t fret, please continue,rather than channelling Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker on an off day.
‘We get that, come on.’ Luisa is on the edge of the sofa now.
‘I listened to what you said about how you wanted to get this to everyone, but especially to young people, and I knew I could help, I just wasn’t sure how initially. I had a couple of ideas and have spent today chasing them. So I won’t mind if you say no…’ He looks at me intently and I know I have to raise my eyes to meet his. He needs the reassurance.
‘Sweet Jesus, will you come on!’ Luisa interjects.
‘So, based on what you said about an app being the first step, I figured a good way forward was to look into actually getting your work made as a free app.’
‘Yeah, that would be amazing. But I don’t know how to and I simply can’t afford to get someone who does. I tried already.’
‘Right. I estimate it’s going to take a budget of twenty to thirty K to send it out to a developer, you need someone to design the UX, make it user-friendly, and someone else to do the heavy lifting, the coding, make sure there’s a CMS in there, all that sort of thing, get it to the marketplace.’
‘I don’t understand half of that.’
‘UX is user experience, and CMS is Content Management System, so they can make changes once it’s set up, keep it updated, flexible, right?’ Luisa interjects, less excited now, her serious business face on.
‘How on earth do you know that?’ I exclaim.
