‘Yeah, I’m only teasing, but still, it’s worth considering. She’ll try and persuade you to get changed and come in. If you want I can get Sylvie in before register to teach you some basic avoidance moves. She used to teach self-defence before the ballet school took off.’
‘Sylvie is a wonder, isn’t she? Best teaching assistant in the school. How are you today, Mr Choudhury? You still haven’t got back to me about dinner, or a housewarming, you naughty, naughty boy!’
Marion swung into the classroom, gave Pippa her usual dismissive look and beamed at Kam, who still had his coffee in his hand and a slightly dazed early morning look on. Pippa couldn’t help but think how cute he looked. She could picture him waking up in the morning, hair all jagged and mussed. with a sleepy morning smile on.
‘Ah, Mrs Marksharp, how nice to see you. We’ve got swimming I see this morning, and Miss Parkin has just been informing me about the special meeting at lunchtime.’
‘Oh, you don’t want to listen to her, dear.’
‘There isn’t a meeting at lunchtime?’
‘No, there is. I just meant generally. She’s supposed to be terribly good with the children and all, but she can’t count much past twenty, which is why I suspect Rosy keeps her in reception.’
‘I am here, Marion. And I’ll have you know I run a very successful business when I’m not in school.’ The woman was intolerable. What if Kam believed her and thought she was only here as a charity case.
‘Hmm, second hand clothing. Not really Google is it, dear?’
‘It’s a vintage clothing business that actually does quite well. And I’m an HLTA. They didn’t give me that because I look cute.’
‘No, well, that’s true. But, from one woman to another, all this desperation, dear, it’s not a good look for you. Now, why don’t you pop along and put some blocks out or whatever it is you do this early in the morning before the children come in, apart from flirting with poor Mr Choudhury here.’
‘Mrs Marksharp! I hardly think—’
‘It’s fine, Kam, I don’t need you to spring to my defence. I’m used to her. I’ll go and make sure everything is ready for when we get back from swimming. I should probably get this afternoon all prepped too, seeing as we won’t get a chance at lunchtime.’ Pippa shot daggers at Marion to reinforce her point.
‘Okay, I’ll come and give you a hand.’ Kam responded, looking like he was trying to hide his amusement.
‘Oh, don’t be silly, dear. That’s what she’s paid for. Now I do have some things I’d like to discuss with you before we all get on the coach.’
By the time it was lunchtime, Pippa realised her hope that Marion may have worn herself out by being an absolute nightmare at the pool was never going to come to fruition. If anything, she was now in overdrive, pacing around the table in the staffroom as everyone filed reluctantly in, and then standing at the head of the table as a general preparing for battle
‘Right, is everybody here? Quickly, quickly, if you’d all like to find a seat… I meant the teaching staff, Alison, not you. Right, this year’s May Fayre is going to be the best ever. I know I say that every year but every year we do so brilliantly and I know we can again this year. First thing is the cause. As you all know we always split proceeds between the PTA and a charity of our choosing. As I say to my boys, we are very lucky to live as we do and it’s only right that we give to the less fortunate. I only discovered the other day that darling Rafe has been playing cards and giving most of his pocket money to the old dears in the Whispering Brook Care Home. Such a generous soul.Sokind to spend time with the elderly. Anyway, I thought we could see who we wished to award the money to this year. I vote that we donate to Alex McKenzie’s Foundation, thus the children will get to see the good their money does as the school is tied so closely to the Healing Hearts Orphanage. Does everyone agree?’
Marion was referring to the foundation set up by the father of Ellie in Class One. As a foreign correspondent in Central Africa, Alex had witnessed first-hand the trauma caused by the civil war in South Sudan, and since coming to Penmenna he had devoted his time to fundraising to help the displaced children of conflict. The community had done all they could to help Alex, and Penmenna school had forged close ties with the orphanages that Alex was helping to fund.
‘I have compiled a list here of very worthy causes,’ Harmony Rivers piped up. ‘I think it’s about time we diverted some money to help animals. After all they don’t have a voice and, as human beings, we are their number one predator so we must take responsibility. I’ve been doing sterling work in advocating on behalf of guinea pigs, and whilst we’re on the subject…’ – Harmony shot a look at the rest of the teaching staff knowing she would have no success with Marion – ‘we should also discuss the keeping of Sir Squeaks-a-lot. Not only is that name an indignity but I understand he escaped the other day and who could blame him? Who are we to have the right to incarcerate any living or breathing creature? I think we should set him free, maybe somewhere where he could—’
‘Get eaten by the local cats? Anysensiblesuggestions? No? Fabulous. Alex’s foundation it is then.’ Marion didn’t have the patience to let the hapless teacher finish.
‘Really! This isn’t a dictator…’ Harmony’s indignation trailed off as Marion fixed her with a look and Marion’s minions either echoed the look or shushed her ferociously.
‘This is ridiculous. We should let Harmony speak. What was it you wanted to say, Harmony?’ Pippa spoke up, even though the Class Three teacher irritated the bejesus out of her. Only yesterday she had pinned her down by the photocopier and ranted at length about the lack of legislation protecting animal’s sexual choices. Pippa had considered banging her own head repeatedly on top of the photocopier to see if the change in vibrations would have an effect on Harmony’s monologue but decided she’d rather go without having to handwrite the twenty pencil control sheets she was copying. Plus, she was still harbouring her crush on Kam, made even worse by his openness at the weekend, and wasn’t sure a gaping head wound was the most attractive look. But even Harmony at her most annoying didn’t needle Pippa as much as obvious injustice. And Marion was the queen of injustice.
Harmony looked at Marion and back at Pippa while playing with the sleeves of her rainbow cardigan, sleeves that were already more than a little frayed, but before she could speak Rosy bustled into the staffroom, her tablet under her arm.
‘Sorry I’m late, everyone. How are we doing?’ She stopped by the fridge and pulled out a whole batch of caramel shortbread. ‘I hope everyone’s had lunch, but I thought we could do with some sugar to tide us over. Harmony, I made you some separately with carob and stevia. Nothing you dislike got anywhere near it.
‘I wouldn’t be too sure of that,’ Pippa whispered to Kam whilst nodding at Marion.
‘Did you have something to say, Pippa?’ Rosy pulled the age-old teacher trick, gentle concern on her face and iron steel hidden behind the phrase designed to bring errant pupils to heel.
‘Just that we should make it fair, have a vote on who we want to donate the money to and not let Marion steamroller us into doing what she wants. We might all end up agreeing with Marion but we should allow Harmony a voice too.’
‘Oh, for goodness sake. Fine!’ Marion snapped. ‘Let no one say this PTA is not run on democratic lines. Right, hands up if you want to share the proceeds with Harmony’s sexually-confused Guinea pigs, right no one. Fab, then that’s it.’
‘Iput my hand up.’ Harmony was obviously emboldened by Pippa’s intervention.
Marion carried on, ignoring her completely, ‘Hands up for those who would like to channel the money into a charity that we are all familiar with and that links to the schools PSHE programme? The Alex McKenzie foundation. Right, that seems unanimous to me.’ She gave Harmony a glare that would induce nightmares, and then swung it around at Pippa too. Pippa bowed her head to stop herself from giggling, examining the table in depth and knowing that if she made eye contact with Kam she would be lost completely. Marion marched on. ‘Next thing on the agenda is the stalls. Now, we are very good at this but we do have a few changes in personnel this year. After all, I lost my very best ladies last year and the current PTA members are still very much… um… in training. Aren’t you, dears?’
