‘I think I be quite good at that,’ Matt retorted in a broad Somerset accent as he marched alongside her down the path, Scramble tumbling between the two of them.
‘I think your dog could do better! That was insulting. If you speak like that, you’ll be punched before your pint is poured. We’re going to have to start with the basics. Ready? Now, you can refer to men as “me ‘ansum” – go on.’
‘Do I have to? What if they’re not?’
‘You say it anyway, so shh and do as you’re told.’
‘Will you tell me off again if I refuse?’ A quick glance at her face made Matt stand up straighter and do as he was told. ‘Good day, me ‘ansum.’
‘No, not like that. “Areet, me ‘ansum, how’s it to?”’
‘Howsit what? How does that make sense?’
‘Just do it.’
‘Woah, schoolmarm voice on much! I like it.’
‘I am actually a teacher, you know, a headteacher, so you’re getting the real thing. Are you telling me youwantto hear my strictest schoolmarm voice?’ Rosy stopped still at the bottom of the hill that led to their cottages.
‘I bet you’re an amazing teacher. As to the voice, now I don’t know. Half of me is a yes please and the other half is terrified.’ Matt arched his brow. He stopped alongside her and gazed out across the fields, pointing towards the sea. ‘There’s something special about living this close to the sea, you just breathe in the air and feel cleaner somehow. And look…’ He turned a full circle slowly, indicating all around him. ‘The sea comes lapping in over there, but right here, at this point, all the fields on all sides are rolling down towards us too, like waves of land. All hitting this central point, right here. I don’t know if I feel safe, all ensconced in this valley, or whether I should feel scared, at the central point where all the elements meet. Either way it’s awesome, isn’t it, like in the proper sense of the word.’
Rosy took in the scene as he described it. He was right; just at this point on the corner before they turned into the village was a central meeting point for the landscape surrounding them. She was so used to the beauty all around her she missed the obvious things.
‘I’d go with scared if I were you. Doesn’t do to get complacent.’
‘Are you suggesting that this village isn’t the safe haven I expect?’
‘Oh, absolutely. Have you lived in a village before? All calm and civil on the surface with a maelstrom of whirling danger and intrigue just a scratch or two under the surface. Trust me, I wouldn’t guide you wrong.’
‘Hmmm.’ Matt attempted a quizzical expression so daft that Rosy couldn’t help the giggle that erupted from her lips. ‘I don’t think I can believe you. I know just around this corner is the most picturesque scene imaginable – you are not going to convince me that there’s a hive of wife-swapping and cannibalism going on behind these postcard perfect doors.’
‘Well, maybe not cannibalism. Come on, you are far from practised in this accent yet. I don’t want you to embarrass yourself once we get to the pub.’ Rosy rounded the corner and Matt darted to keep up with her, Scramble just outpacing him.
‘Hang on, are we only going to the village pub? Is it not a bit of a coincidence that it happens to be the best in Cornwall? Where are the rooftop terraces, the sea views? If we’re staying in the village shouldn’t we go to the restaurant on the beach? What’s your game, Miss… um… I don’t know your surname. Miss Rosy?’
‘The restaurant shuts down in January and the first couple of weeks of February so you’d be waiting a while for food. Besides which, I thought you wanted in on the local secrets.’
‘Apart from the cannibalism.’
‘Yes, apart from the cannibalism. Now stop talking and concentrate. Yes, we’re going to the village pub. It’s your induction and trust me, it will be an education. Now, to address a woman you can use “maid”. Go on.’
‘How’s it to, me maid.’
‘Hmm, better.’
‘Does “maid” not imply an age thing? Will I not get arrested?’
‘Yes, you will if you keep interrupting. Now, if you want to know where something is, you say “where’s it to?” And if you want to know what’s happening, it’s “wosson?” Got it?’
‘No, it’s a whole bloody new language.’
‘I thought you wanted to be local? Try harder.’
‘Yes, miss.’ He winked.
‘And don’t be insolent or you won’t get any lunch.’
‘Ooh, I think I am enjoying this.’ They passed the butcher’s and the village shop, the higgledy-piggledy houses in their array of colours watching them from the hillside as they approached the pub.
