A part of her felt just as she did that cold winter’s day when she and Dad hiked up to Grandma’s cottage. She wore a pair of too-small sneakers that made her toes hurt and jeans with holes in both the knees. Her shirt came up on her stomach when she lifted her hand to scratch her head and her hair hadn’t been washed in a week.
If they owned a hairbrush, she hadn’t seen it.
Dad had on new pants that were so stiff they could stand up on their own. She’d read the labels at the store that said they were fire resistant. That was a good idea. “Why didn’t they make all clothes fire resistant?” she’d asked.
“What a stupid question,” he’d scoffed. “Why would babies need fire resistant clothes?” He glared at her until she dropped her gaze. She didn’t bother to explain why she’d thought it was a good idea. Doing so would only bring on more ridicule, more name calling.
He’d spent over seven hundred dollars in the store, using a shiny new credit card she’d never seen before. There was a display of winter knit hats for children at the register. She stared longingly at a light blue one, thinking it was soft enough to wear to bed and keep her warm.
“Our kids' hats are on sale this week.” The sales girl smiled brightly. “Would you like to get one for your daughter?”
“Not worth it.” Dad swiped the card, took his bags and receipt and they drove to a place she’d never been before. She hoped it was for the new job she’d heard him talking about on the phone. A new job meant they would stay in one town—at least for six months. She’d get to go to school and eat lunch there. School lunches had so much food and she was always full when she got to go to school.
Instead of going to a new apartment, Dad grabbed her grocery bag’s worth of things and they walked up the hill.
Grandma opened the door—having seen them coming. She had tears in her eyes as she took Clove in from head to toe.
Dad shoved Clove forward, dropping her bag on the porch. Her feet were heavy and her legs didn’t want to work. Something wasn’t right.
“I’m headed to a new place, a new job. She’ll be in the way.” He didn’t have to tell Clove to stay put when he walked away. She knew he didn’t want her, and that was that. She’d cried and screamed at him to come back, though. He never even turned around.
And here she was, going back to Grandma after being told she wasn’t enough all over again. It totally sucked.
She grabbed a tissue from the side table and dabbed at her eyes, counted to three, and made the call.
Grandma picked up after two rings. “Clove!”
“Hi, Gram.” Every bit of sadness in her heart oozed out in her voice.
“What happened?”
Clove began to cry in earnest. “I’m not even sure. Their reindeer king—I don’t think he liked me. I don’t have any memories of Santa and he was all judgy and mean. I didn’t even let them introduce him and Felix. I’m not sure this will work out.” She hiccupped. “Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I just want to come home.” She burrowed deeper into the blankets.
“I’m so sorry.”
She blew her nose, grateful no one could see her like this. “Anna and Abner offered to drive me.” That couple’s kindness knew no bounds. Anna fed Clove a hearty homemade dinner, including a cherry cobbler for dessert, and Abner set Felix up in the indoor arena for the night. He’d had a great time running the obstacle course and flying through the hoops. “We’ll swing by and I can get my car. You and I will be back to the cabin before it’s dark.”
“That’s awfully nice of them. What about Drake’s truck?”
Clove lifted a shoulder. “I haven’t talked to him.” Drake’s silence hurt most of all—like a jagged icicle to the heart. Because he didn’t say anything, she assumed that Dunder’s rejection was his rejection as well. These wranglers were loyal to their reindeer. She understood, on one level, because she hadn’t wanted to choose between Drake and Felix either. In a perfect world, she wouldn’t have to.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, dear. Try to get some sleep.”
She let out the breath she’d been holding. She’d been doing that a lot tonight, forgetting to breathe out. “Love you.” They said goodnight, and she pulled the blanket over her head. After a week of sleeping on the ground, the bed was almost too soft.
It didn’t matter. Tomorrow night she’d be in her room with her things and back to her old life where the reindeer could fly and her heart was safe from Drake Nicholas .
CHAPTERTHIRTY-EIGHT
Drake woke up to a pounding on his door. He’d fallen asleep on the couch, not able to go to his room because Clove might show up at any moment and he wouldn’t hear her knock on the door. Or, he might give in to his crazy idea of storming his parents’ house and demand that she speak to him. She’d hidden herself away in the guest room and not come out all night. It almost killed him to be kept away from her, but he’d respected her need for time and space to work through whatever issues Dunder brought up.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
“Coming!” he half yelled and half growled at the door as he stumbled over, still wearing his shoes from the night before. His body didn’t want to do anything he asked of it. His right leg tingled with new blood flow and his right ear was asleep from the angle he slept on the arm of the couch. He probably had couch marks on his cheek. He ran his hand through his hair as he pulled open the door.
“Morning, Drake,” chirped Rory, as he swiped his hat off his head. “I'm here to meet the missus.”
Drake groaned. “She’s not here.” He dropped his hand from the handle and walked back to the couch.
