Dunder swung around and stared at Faith:What whole thing?
Faith looked at Caleb before stepping forward. “We didn’t want to worry you so we didn’t say anything, but we’re struggling. We need flying calves and there aren’t any left.”
Dunder staggered back three steps:No flyers?He looked around the barn:What about these?
Faith came closer. The wranglers glanced around—and up—to make sure none of the other fliers were within hearing distance.
Faith whispered just loud enough for him and Clove to hear, “I love these reindeer—you know I do.” Dunder twitched his nose. “But,” Faith gulped. “Neither Snowflake nor Sparkle have been able to have a baby. Rudy’s with Santa and Flash is unstable as a flier. His genes wouldn’t do us any good.” Her face twisted with the news—like it pained her to say these things out loud. “Felix is our only hope of continuing the herd.”
Dunder blinked, absorbing the news. He slowly swung his head toward Clove:You brought him here?
“We did.” She motioned between her and Drake. “Which is why I smell like him.” She smirked. “I didn’t want to come—at first. But after seeing Drake with Felix, I softened. He’s so good with him and—”
What about Santa?Dunder breathed in her hand.
She drew in a breath. “I didn’t believe in Santa. For a long time.” Her thoughts came in small chunks—like memories in clips and snippets that were hard to stream together. “I was hurt.” She reached for Drake’s hand and his strong one was there, holding her. “He healed my heart and made it possible for me to believe again.”
Not Felix?
“Felix healed me in other ways, but it was Drake who opened my heart-door. I don’t think either of them could have done it alone. I was—probably still am—broken in too many places.”
Dunder starred, waiting.
A sense that she’d failed the interview washed over her, and her shoulders slouched. “I don’t remember Santa coming to my house.” She dropped Drake’s hand and hugged her arms. “I just can’t remember.”
“Santa won’t come for you,” bellowed Dad.
“You’re too far out of the way and just a kid.
My kid—which doesn't speak well for you anywhere.”
“That’s common for people with childhood trauma,” said Natasha, drawing her out of the dark places of her mind where her father still lived. “I did a documentary on it in college.”
Clove offered her a weak smile. Knowing she was normal in her abnormalities was comforting—sort of. It was kind of Natasha to offer her a line. She didn’t understand though, didn’t know how poor, how under-average, and how pathetic Clove truly was on the inside. No matter how she dressed up, she couldn’t shake the stains her father left behind.
“I’m sorry,” she told Dunder. “I’m not what you want me to be.” That was the story of her life. She gulped the emotions back. “Thanks for your time and everything.” She stepped away from him and then bolted for the door.
“Clove!” Drake called after her.
She looked over her shoulder to see Dunder blocking Drake from getting to the door.Let her go.
“No!” Drake yelled.
She said a silent thank you to Dunder. He was in tune with the fact that she needed time alone. She needed space from all this. But what she really needed to do was to lock herself away in a cabin in the woods and not rely on anyone else. Every time she started to believe she belonged somewhere, she realized she wasn’t enough.
Spending time with Drake, learning to love him, had been good for her and she’d take the lessons with her but she couldn’t stay here where love was so strong it could break her.
The sooner she was off the ranch, the better.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-SIX
The door slammed behind Clove.
“Move!” Drake bellowed at Dunder.
Dunder lowered his head, bringing his antlers down and pointing them at Drake.Make me.
Jack grabbed Drake’s right arm and Caleb grabbed his left. “Easy now,” Caleb crooned. “Maybe we should take a step back before you end up a Dunder kabob.”
