He turned to me quickly. “Do you really think so?”
“It’s all in the fingers.” I wiggled my fingers. “And a steady hand. And studying technique. Yeah, I really do.”
His shoulders lowered a fraction of an inch. “I’d never thought of it that way.”
“Have you ever tried painting?”
“Once, in a high school art class.” He rubbed his jaw. “I was horrible. The teacher said my work had no expression.”
I chuckled softly. “Perhaps you were a little closed off.”
He grinned at me. “Perhaps. But I don’t think I’ll be picking up a brush anytime soon. I’ll stick to the OR.” He set the painting aside and reached into the box again, pulling out a thin stack of pictures. They were all of Alex as a kid and his mom. They looked just alike. Alex’s eyes were different from hers, but the nose and lips were the same. The relationship was unmistakable.
“May I?” I asked as I reached for a picture where he appeared to be about six years old.
Alex nodded his head, and I lifted the photo for closer inspection. He looked just the same as he did now, maybe a little chubbier in the cheeks. There wasn’t as much tension on his face then either. The little boy in the picture had an easy smile as he wrapped his arms around his mom’s neck and grinned for the camera. His mom had the same easy smile. They looked completely happy.
The next object was a small lamp with a silver base and a pale pink glass top with designs in it. “This was her bedside lamp,” Alex squeaked out. He swallowed back his emotion so he could continue to talk. “When I was little, we would cuddle on her bed and make up stories about how the light danced through the glass. I didn’t know that Grandma had kept this.”
The lamp wasn’t at all masculine, but I could picture Alex setting it in the nursery for his daughter. The image was so strong, it slammed into my heart and caused it to hammer against my rib cage. If Alex noticed my reaction, he didn’t say anything.
Nor was I going to volunteer the glimpse I’d had into his future.
Ourfuture?
I glanced around the room. The warm cream-and-pink nursery I’d seen didn’t belong in this place; that was for sure.
Alex continued to pull items from the box, telling a story about each one. I rubbed his back in support as each memory brought with it a wave of emotion that washed over him.This was the first time he’d faced some of those memories in decades. I could feel the strength it took to continue on, and I wished I could do more for him. Even as he was facing his past, I felt as though he had a brilliant future ahead of him—if he chose to grab on to it.
On to me.
After we removed the last object, we found a small envelope at the bottom. It had yellowed around the corners, and the ink on the front was feathered with age.
“Have you read this before?” I whispered.
“I didn’t know it was here.” His hands trembled as he removed the letter from the envelope. The paper was thin with age. What if he hadn’t opened this box? Would the letter have faded completely away before he ever had a chance to read it?
His mom’s handwriting was beautiful with long, graceful strokes, not at all the chicken scratches doctors made in a rush. Her artistic personality resonated in the script.
Alex was quiet as he read the letter, his eyes misting, making him have to lift it higher to see over the moisture collecting on his lashes. When he finished, he handed it to me. “Read it,” he said.
“But it’s between you two.”
He shook his head. “I want to introduce you to her, and this is the closest I’ll ever get.”
I took a deep breath, feeling the enormousness of this moment and what it said about Alex’s feelings for me.
Dear Alex,
I know you will read this letter after I am gone. I asked Grandma to give it to you when the time is right.This is not the way I planned on our life going, but I guess God has a different plan. I can’t leave this world without letting you know how special you are to me.
Tonight you fell asleep next to me because you didn’t want me to be alone in case something happened. You are so strong and brave, but sometimes I fear you’ve taken on too much responsibility and have become too serious for such a little boy. Alex, please don’t forget to find the beauty and happiness in the world around you. It is there if we choose to look for it.
I will be with you always. I love you so much. Being your mother was my greatest joy. You will always be my little man.
Love,
Mom
