I smiled, leaned over, and gave him a peck on his cheek. He smelled of aftershave and soap. It was all I could do to get myself back in my seat. I was lost in my head when Alex started talking.
“We’re meeting an old friend of mine from med school. Her name is Harper.”
I startled. “Her?” In all the scenarios I had run through, I’d always pictured male friends. Maybe this was some PTSD from my previous relationship, but I all of a sudden felt very insecure.
Sensing the shift in my mood, he looked over at me. “I swear she’s just a friend. She does family medicine down in Iowa and just got married. She and her new husband were traveling through on their way to visit her parents in Washington. They had a couple hours’ layover and thought we could get together for dinner.”
I looked at my hands and blushed, feeling stupid for overreacting. “I know. I wasn’t trying to imply anything. I guess I was kind of caught off guard.”She’s married, I told myself in an effort to calm down. Of course, that hadn’t stopped Eric, but Alex was not Eric. Another mantra I’d do well to adopt for the evening. Why was my stomach twisted so tight?
“It’s all right. Like I said, you can ask any question you want. You don’t have to worry about offending me.”
I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder. He was reassuring, and I appreciated that. My ex-husband had never done that for me. Probably because there was no reassurance to be had—hewascheating on me. Even here, holding on to Alex, I had more stress hormones in my body than was healthy. I didn’t know how I was going to eat a bite at dinner, let alone make sparkling conversation.
I hated feeling needy. And weak. And desperate.
We parked the car and walked to the door of the restaurant. Alex stopped before pulling on the handle and looked down at our clasped hands. I was gripping him tightly, probably too tightly. But I was in uncharted territory here and facing a lot of my past demons.
He pulled our hands up and kissed the back of mine. “I won’t let go,” he promised.
“Okay,” I whispered, barely able to get the word out. If this was a friend from med school, she and Alex had known each other for a long time. I was grateful that Alex wanted me involved in this part of his life and had no problem showing that we were together and being affectionate.
I just hoped that I could see through my own past and not have a panic attack or something. I didn’t want to embarrass him, but I also didn’t want to reveal my baggage. We’d talked about things, but I wasn’t sure he understood the damage I’d sustained.
Please, God, help me through this night, I prayed.
Chapter Twenty-One
Emma
We entered the restaurant and were instantly surrounded by the smell of warm marinara sauce and garlic. My stomach relaxed from its tight hold. I might actually be able to get some food down tonight.
I glanced around the waiting area, finding a tall cowboy standing with one thumb hooked into his jeans. His cowboy hat stuck out like a sore thumb in the city. I felt a smile tug at my lips. I liked when people weren’t afraid to be themselves.Besides, his hat reminded me of home in Montana, and it seemed like a sign that things were going to be okay.
I could do this. I could meet these people and be open and kind—all the things my mother had shown me how to do when welcoming visitors into our home. Chicago was my home now, and these people weren’t from around here. I nodded once to myself. Gracious host I would be.
The small blond woman standing next to the cowboy called out Alex’s name. My head whipped in her direction, and with sharpshooter accuracy, I took her in. She was short with long, straight blond hair pulled up in a ponytail and was also dressed in boots and jeans. She practically glowed with newlywed giddiness, and even though she was looking at us, her hands were on her husband.
This was definitely not what I’d imagined when I’d pictured Alex’s friends. I’d been expecting sports coats and slacks. But this was even better than what I’d prepared myself for. These guys made me instantly feel right at home.
The woman waved, and as we got close, she gave Alex a quick hug, then turned and introduced her cowboy. “Alex, this is my husband, Andrew. Andrew, this is Alex.”
They shook hands and exchanged greetings; then Alex turned and introduced me. “And this is Emma. Emma, meet Harper and Andrew.”
I noticed he hadn’t given me a title—like girlfriend. We were on a second date, but I’d already kissed him more than I’d kissed most of my high school boyfriends, so I wouldn’t have been offended. But I couldn’t fault him for it either—we hadn’t made anything official. Besides, I was the one who’d told Becca I wanted to take it slow. So why did I suddenly wish I had a ring on my finger? Ugh! I needed to get control of myself, or I’d propose over breadsticks just to stake my claim.
Not that Harper was at all interested in Alex. She only had eyes for her tall drink of water in a belt buckle.
“It is so nice to meet you!” Harper said as she shook my hand. Her smile was real and honest, and her eyes stayed on me. That was one thing I’d noticed about women when I was out with Eric. If they were only being nice to me to keep me in the dark, they always looked at him when talking to me. Harper didn’t do that. The restraining strap around my chest loosened a notch. Great, only eighteen more to go before I could take a deep breath.
“It’s nice to meet you too,” I replied pleasantly.
As if on cue, the hostess of the pizzeria called our number and led us to our seat. We ended up in a corner booth, and the men directed us to the center so they could sit on the edge of the bench.
I watched as Andrew slid in next to Harper and easily put his arm around her shoulders. It wasn’t possessive; it was just … happy. He wanted to be close to her. She scooted next to him in one smooth motion—like they did it all the time. It was sweet, and I let out another two notches, noting how happy they were together. Harper wasn’t a woman looking around for something better; she was content with the man she had.
Alex passed me a menu and then reached for my hand under the table.I let his long, sure fingers wrap around mine and held on. I turned, looked at him, and smiled.His attention on me was as focused as Andrew’s was on Harper. For a moment, it was like we were the only two people in the booth. The belt loosened enough that I could breathe easy. It was as if he’d known I needed to know he was here for me and he made sure I found out. How did he know how to do that?
I turned back to our dinner partners, aware that we’d shared a private moment in front of them but not caring.
