“Do you want to know what the sad thing is?” he said, staring at the clipboard. “I don’t think I’ve ever even seen those emails.” He glanced at the people moving around the TICU floor and sighed. “I don’t know, Emma. I’m still trying to get on people’s good side here. Sometimes I get the feeling people can barely stand to be with me at work, let alone in their free time.”
“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun.” I nudged him with my elbow, at the same time wondering why I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. Every time I touched Alex, I felt like someone had shocked me with an AED machine. My heart raced and I was dizzy.
Alex’s gaze met mine, and I walked right into a longing look, one that told me he felt things when we were together too. The information was as good as that first sip of diet soda or the first bite of a gourmet chocolate. “Okay, I’ll be there. Please remind me of the date when it gets closer so I don’t forget.”
I gave Alex my biggest smile. “That will be easy, because it is next weekend. Just sign your name right here, please.” I grinned as if I were giving away tickets to a fantastic new Broadway show instead of a day volunteering in the trenches.
Alex took the pen in his hand and quickly jotted down his name. This was probably way out of his comfort zone, but I was thankful that he trusted me enough to give it a shot. I wasn’t sure if he was doing it for me, or to try and improve his relationship with people at work. Either way, it was a big deal, and I was impressed.
He definitely wasn’t afraid to take on new challenges, and that was something I wanted in a man. Not that I was ready to lay claim to Alex for now and forever, but my feelings for him grew each time we were together. Which made spending more time with him all the more appealing. I just hoped that if we did progress past our new friendship into something deeper, I wasn’t putting my hopes in the wrong basket.
I’d vowed not to get involved with someone like Eric ever again. I wouldn’t survive that level of betrayal a second time.
I prayed Alex was a better man than my ex.
Chapter Fourteen
Alex
It was Wednesday afternoon and I found myself again sitting on the leather couch in Dylan’s office, staring at the pale blue rug I had paced across during all my other visits. At least I was getting comfortable enough to sit down. Even though I didn’t like to admit it, I had noticed a difference in myself and my life since I’d started talking with Dylan. Not that counseling made life easy, but I hadn’t seen how stressed I always was before.
Some of his advice had been helpful and introduced new things to my life that I hadn’t noticed I’d been missing—the main one being Emma. When she’d nudged me with her elbow the other day at work, I had never felt anything like that before. It was like there was some sort of hidden connection between us that came alive when we touched. My body responded to her for some reason, following her like a flower follows the sun or the ocean waves follow the moon.
Dylan had more patience than any living soul. Which was a good thing, considering his profession and that he was stuck with me as a client. Because I’d seen some positive results, I wasn’t as argumentative about being here, which made it easier to tell him about how my Riverwalk excursion had turned into a museum tour with Emma.
He leaned slightly forward, listening intently until I’d wrapped it up. “So it sounds like your extracurricular activities have been rejuvenating. And that maybe your coworkers are starting to understand your perspective more.”
“Yes,” I replied. “At least with Emma that is the case. I haven’t interacted much differently with anyone else on the floor.”
“So why Emma? And why is that frustrating for you?” He settled back, ready to wait out my thought process.
Why Emma? What was I supposed to say? That she was beautiful, and I saw her face in my dreams at night? That she was smart, witty, compassionate, and everything I’d ever thought I wanted in a woman? No, I wasn’t ready to admit that yet—even with doctor/client protocols in place.
“I guess maybe because Emma was the one who filed the report that got me in trouble with the ethics committee.”Which was true. That was why I’d targeted her after my first meeting with Dylan. The rest of it all just sort of happened.
“Well, that is the logical place to start,” Dylan replied, giving affirmation and slight encouragement to continue talking. “Maybe that will naturally open doors to branch out to other coworkers.”
“Yeah, I guess it already has. She has talked me into doing a service project put on by the hospital.”
“Oh, well, that is perfect,” Dylan replied.
“I guess.” I fidgeted with a tassel on one of the throw pillows. “I don’t do very well in large groups of people. It isn’t my strength. Also, I’m a surgeon, right? For the service project, I’m doing basic adult wellness exams. I haven’t done those since med school, and there is a reason I didn’t go into primary care. It wasn’t my area of interest.”
“I think this gives us a perfect opportunity to try something new,” Dylan replied.
I rolled my eyes, stood up, and started to pace again. My feeling of camaraderie with the doctor had slipped away as my insecurities created physical pressure in my chest that needed a release. I had to move around, if only to work off the nervous energy. Dylan definitely knew how to make me stretch, and I didn’t like being uncomfortable.
“I’ve thought about backing out, but I don’t want to disappoint Emma.” I quietly threw that out there to see what he’d make of that. I wasn’t ready to admit all of my feelings for her, but I could admit that, and if he probed, I would admit to caring about her as a person—to seeing unique qualities in her.
Dylan gave a serene smile.I couldn’t tell if there was more behind it than accepting what I’d said. If he thought I was invested in Emma as more than a coworker, he didn’t show it. “Then don’t disappoint her. I know this isn’t your comfort zone, Alex. But that is okay. You don’t have to be perfect at everything. Part of projecting confidence, but not arrogance, is to be willing to try things you aren’t good at, taking feedback, and learning something new. A great leader is always trying to figure out how they can improve in all aspects of their life.”
That made sense. I trusted Emma and Dylan,and trust wasn’t something I gave out lightly. If both of them were encouraging me to give this a try, I’d put my best foot forward.
But somehow, I couldn’t shake this sinking feeling I had in the pit of my stomach that I was going to mess it all up and lose the faith I’d seen shining in Emma’s eyes.
Faith in me.
Somehow, that faith made me want to be the man she thought I could be. To try using my heart instead of mending others’.
