“Why does she wear you out?”
“It’s such an effort to communicate with her.”
“And you want to communicate with her?”
“Well, yeah. We work together. It should be easier than it is.” What I didn’t say out loud was that I didn’t know what to do with the light she had. It was hard, because truth be told, I wanted some of that light in my own life, but I wasn’t quite sure how to get it. So far, it seemed as if the only time I was near that feeling was when I was around Emma.
I wasn’t sure what that meant, and I certainly didn’t want Dylan and his stylus to get ahold of the information. That was mine to mull over—apparently in every spare moment my brain had.
“Sometimes we don’t see immediate results in our efforts,” Dylan gently replied. “Think of it as planting seeds. Even though Emma may not have been receptive at the time, maybe it will help her look at things differently in the future. Don’t give up.”
“Whatever you say, doc,” I mumbled.
“I’d like to try something different this week. Keep working on communicating, but don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Let it happen naturally.” Dylan got up from his chair. He went over and looked out the window of his office before he turned around. “I think, if we find something you enjoy outside of work, it can take the pressure off—make you feel less like you need to be perfect and more like a human with imperfections and flaws that are perfectly normal.”
My head shot up. “We talked about this last time, doc. My job is my life.” Why didn’t he get that? The hostility in my voice was back, but I didn’t care.
“I understand, but it’s also taking a toll on you, Alex. I want you to be able to work for years to come. I’m concerned that if we don’t find an outlet for you, your body won’t be able to keep up the pace you’re at now.”
I opened my mouth to bark out a response, but I caught it.Take a deep breath.Check this box off the list, and we are that much closer to getting out of here.
“What do you want me to do?” I shortly replied.
“Do something that isn’t work involved and is beyond going to the grocery store.”
“How much time do I have to spend at this?”
“That’s up to you,” Dylan countered. “No time limit applied.”
“Deal,” I said, after which I stood up and walked out of his office before Dylan could poke into my psyche any further.
Chapter Eight
Alex
As I drove my silver Acura away from Dylan’s office, I catalogued a list of potential places and activities that would meet this week’s requirement.
Maybe I could use the Cubs tickets I had purchased when I’d moved to town?That would certainly be an interesting choice, sitting for hours at a baseball stadium by myself. There were people who went to games on their own; I’d done it before. But I didn’t have a burning desire to sit next to an empty chair. It would be like hanging out a banner that saidthis guy doesn’t have friendsorI can’t get a date. Thanks to Dylan, I already questioned myself; I didn’t want to add looks of pity to my prospects.
What I needed was a place to go on my own that wouldn’t attract attention. I started through a list of places I’d heard people talk about: the Field Museum … Garfield Park Conservatory … the Riverwalk.
Hmm. That sounded interesting. Getting out in nature would be a positive. I wasn’t a person who worshiped the sun by any means, but I liked to think we were friends. Was that how Emma had gotten a healthy glow on her skin? She looked just sun-kissed enough that I deduced she spent time outdoors.
That was it, then. I would do the Riverwalk. I didn’t have to pay for admission, and I could spend as little time as I could spare and be done with the assignment. I grinned to myself.This week’s assignment would definitely be easier than last week’s.Friday was my day off; I would finish my task then.
The week went by quickly. When I saw Emma at work, things were … fine. We weren’t best of friends, but we weren’t avoiding each other anymore either. It was a respectable working relationship.I could handle that, though I continued to think about the light she carried with her and her way of brightening up the nurses’ station. In short, she fascinated me. I’d never met anyone who sprinkled sunshine as they walked. She had boundless energy and optimism, and her patients were all the better for it. I found myself reading studies on nurses’ attitudes and patient recovery rates just to understand the effect she had on people around her.
Friday came, and I actually slept in and had a lazy morning at home. Usually my days off consisted of cleaning my house and taking in dry cleaning. But this morning I put on my only pair of sneakers, some relaxing pants, and a muted gray tee shirt with a New York logo on it, which I had picked up during my residency.
If I had to admit it—which my shrink would probably make me—I was kind of excited to do something new.
I took State Street over to the Riverwalk and parked on Wacker Drive. I slowly got out of my car, taking in my surroundings and wondering if someone would know I was out of place. I half expected a park ranger to shake his head and tell me to get back in my car. The thought was unsettling, to say the least. Maybe I’d gotten too comfortable in my comfort zone. Hospitals I understood. My role there was well defined. Out here … I was just some guy on a walk. I wasn’t sure if the anonymity brought peace or panic.
Instead of delving into my psyche, I shut the car door and headed to the sidewalk.
The Riverwalk was beautiful this time of year. Not that I had another time of year to compare it to. Still, being outside, hearing sounds that didn’t include heart monitors beeping and the constant chatter of nurses and patients, I could feel something begin to unwind the spring inside my chest.
The river was lined with trees and trails. Small boat rentals, restaurants, and sightseeing points dotted along the way. Sparkling skyscrapers lined the roads beyond the Riverwalk, but the parkway itself felt like it was in its own little world. I meandered east and took a deep breath smelling the grass, trees, and flowers. My world consisted of concrete and windows, and feeling the sensations of the earth around me was oddly comforting.Odd, because I hadn’t thought I needed this, and yet I had an authentic reaction to it.
