Avery’s head jerked up. “It wasn’t?”
Evelyn sagged. “When I took a good look at what Robert and I had, it was a shadow compared to my marriage. I’d settled for something because I was lonely. I liked feeling special. But I’m worth more than that.You’reworth more than that.”
Avery nodded numbly.
Evelyn patted her hand. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I don’t mean to rain on your parade or tell you not to be happy. I just don’t want you to mistake a whirlwind romance for the real deal.”
“Thanks, Ev.” Avery looked at her chin, unable to meet her eyes. “I think I’ll sit out here for a bit and think things over.”
“You sure? I can make you some herbal tea.”
“No thanks.”
Evelyn made her way to her sliding glass door and disappeared inside, pulling the curtains shut to give Avery some privacy.
She stayed in the courtyard, thinking over all the times she and Luke had played together, had snuck out in the middle of the night to hold hands, kiss, and even make out. Although making out was few and far between, knowing their parents were just inside. They hadn’t needed loads of physical affection to know they loved one another. Even after they were married, their love life wasn’t sparks. They loved as if they’d already been married for fifteen years. In some ways, they were. It was a beautiful marriage that would have lasted the tests of time. They were going to make it to the end. Everyone said so. Luke knew it. She knew it.
But then he was gone.
She put her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her fists. What she felt for Ben was new and exciting, but it wasn’t the lasting kind of love she’d experienced with Luke. Ben was all flash and style in his expensive suits and private planes. He was fun and funny. A good father. Stable.
But he didn’t know her like Luke had.
Maybe Evelyn was right. Maybe that lasting love, the kind that allowed two people to communicate without words, didn’t happen more than once in this life. Maybe she had a soul mate and would have to wait until Heaven to see him again. Maybe God wanted her to spend her days on this earth alone. Maybe that was her mission in life—to rely on Him and endure.
And then there was Landon to consider. She’d spent years doing her best to get him through Belfast Academy, to provide an education that would ensure college and a good job. He didn’t expect a big house or beg for things at the store. He took life as it came; if she continued to date Ben, if they—gulp—got married, Landon’s life would change dramatically. What would a mansion and an Elvis golf cart do to her son?
What would a breakup do to him?
She folded over on herself. The deeper she got in with Ben, the further she pulled Landon into the pool. At what point was she exposing him to danger? She shuddered, knowing she was treading in deep waters already.
She didn’t know how long she stared at nothing, knowing that she needed to get out but not ready to lunge for safety just yet. She wanted to hold on to the feeling Evelyn had described, the feeling of being lovable, for as long as she could.
When her phone rang, she blinked at the darkness that had descended upon the garden. “Hello?” Her voice was low, as low as she felt for even considering a life with Ben and Savannah without looking at all the variables. She’d jumped, and now that she was falling, she realized how stupid she had been.
“Hi, how was work?” Ben asked.
She brushed her fingers down her throat as if she could dislodge the lump that was stuck there. “Fine.”
“Good.”
There was an awkward pause where she would normally ask him how his day had gone. When she couldn’t pull together the words, he filled in the emptiness. “We have the carousel up and spinning tonight. Do you guys want to come over?”
Yes!She longed to step back into his magic world and forget the daily pressures of bills, laundry, and raising a son to face reality. “I don’t think we can make it.”
“Landon buried in homework? I swear they have ten times more homework now than they did when we were kids.”
“Uh, Ben?”
“Yeah?”
Avery gripped her purse, still in her lap. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Talk about homework?”
Her lips lifted and then dropped just as fast. “No.”
There was another heavy silence. This one wasn’t awkward, just sad. “Oh. You meanthis.”
