Confused, Tilly threw her hands in the air. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He lifted one shoulder a fraction. “Pitchers. They can’t seem to leave you alone.”
She set her mouth and closed it again. “Rowdy’s a pitcher?”
He nodded once.
“For the love! I didn’t go looking for him, Brayden. We bumped into each other.”
“And he asked you out.”
She bristled. “Yeah. I guess he wants to spend some time with me. It’s nice to know I’m wanted somewhere.” She moved to brush past him, but he put out his arm, blocking her path.
This close, she could smell his body wash, the slight tang to it making her head fuzzy. He glistened from his workout, his muscles shiny. Oxygen was difficult to come by in the small hallway.
“I never said I didn’t want you,” Brayden said gravely.
Her head tipped and her eyes drifted shut.
“It would have been a lie.” His hand left the wall and found its place at her hip.
He’d rested his hand there countless times. His palm fit just right over her hip bone, his long fingers wrapping around to her lower back. Her breath hitched and her chest rose and fell in rapid succession. She lifted her chin to meet his gaze and tumbled into his deep brown eyes. He pulled her to him, pressing a kiss to her hair.
“What do you want, Brayden?” she barely managed to get out. The sensations running through her body were too strong to fight against. She craved him and was barely able to keep herself from cutting off his answer with a kiss. Lifting to her tiptoes would be too easy.
The question seemed to slap Brayden across the face. His hand jerked away. “I want you to be happy.”
The loss of contact was jarring, giving life to the pain that she’d spent the last four weeks tamping down. “So you broke my heart?” She had to hear him say it. Not overhear him, but have him look her in the eye and tell her why.
He stepped backward. “I’m sorry, Tilly. I really am.”
“Sorry doesn’t cut it, Brayden. There’s not enough sorry in the world for this.” She fisted her hand and pressed it over her heart.
“I know.” He backed away.
“No!” she half shouted, bringing his retreat to a stop. “You don’t get to walk away from me this time.” She hurried past him, careful not to make contact. The last thing she needed was another chemical reaction going off. “I get to leave you.”
His face lined with pain, and her heart lurched. What was she doing? Nothing inside of her said it was okay to hurt him. Causing Brayden pain was the opposite of the reason for her existence.
She softened her rigid shoulders. “Never mind. It’s not …” He reached for her, but she pulled away. “I can’t, Bray. It’s too hard.”
He nodded. “I know.”
She wanted to scream out,Then why? “You told Elise you were happy enough. Are you really?” She squinted at him.
“I’ll never be fully happy without you, but you deserve someone who can do all the things you want to do. I’ll never be able to lift my body weight, Tilly.”
She closed her eyes. He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to climb with her? She locked gazes with him. “What do I care? I haven’t been climbing since …”
“You should be. You should be climbing with someone who can match you rope for rope. You want to raise your children to love the desert sun as much as you do.” He dropped her gaze.
“Our children,” she whispered. “That’s a future we dreamed up together.”
“I can’t ask you to do that alone, and I can’t stand on the sidelines in my own family. Especially after being pushed aside in baseball. You belong in a harness. I don’t.”
So many arguments ran through her head at once. She wanted to convince him that he was wrong, but she understood what he was saying. Understood it in a way that she never thought she could. And in a way,notbeing together made sense. Which scared the living daylights out of her. There shouldn’t be a world, or a universe, or a reality that didn’t have the two of them together.
He took a couple steps backward and then paused. With a cheeky quirk of his eyebrow, he said, “Am I allowed to leave now, or did you want to go first?”
