She lifted her arms slightly. “I’m righthere.”
“No.” He picked up her hand and tapped the phone. “You’re righthere.”
Cedar smiled softly. “I’m sorry. The permit came through right before the interview, and I have thirty people that need the green light. This is exciting.” She put her arms around hismiddle.
“What about theinterview?”
She shrugged. “I likedher.”
“What about her husband?” Teo asked, testing. It was a dirty, rotten thing to do, but he was pretty sure Cedar wasn’t paying attention, and he wanted her informedopinion.
“He sounded nice,” shehedged.
Teo gritted his teeth. “He’sdead.”
Cedar chewed her bottom lip. “I must have missedthat.”
“You’re missing everythinglately.”
Cedar nodded. “I know it’s crazy right now, but things are going to get better. I can do this.” Her arms tightened aroundhim.
There were no such promises from Amy, and yet Teo had a hard time believing she meant what she said. How could she promise that? She had no frame of reference, no idea how busy a season was for him. He didn’t necessarily need or want a woman at home, barefoot and pregnant and at his beck and call. He liked Cedar’s drive, the fact that she didn’t need him but wanted him in her life. At least, he’d thought she wanted him. He wasn’t so sure of that anymore. And he couldn’t go into the season with all thesequestions.
People implied that his less than stellar performance at the end of last season was because of Amy’s health. They’d never come right out and said it was a surprise that she’d died, and the media assumed she’d struggled with blood clots for a while. He let people believe what they wanted, too wrapped up in learning how to be a father to care what was said. This season was supposed to be different. He owed it to his team, the fans, and himself and Akoni to be settled before football took over theirlives.
Teo shook his head. “I can’t do this again,Cedar.”
“Dowhat?”
“I can’t be pushed aside or put on a shelf. I don’t want to be second-string to yourjob.”
Cedar lifted both eyebrows. “Says the man about to give his life over tofootball.”
“What does thatmean?”
Cedar dropped her arms and stepped away. “Nothing. Nevermind.”
Teo dodged around her. “Tellme.”
She pressed her lips flat. “From the get-go, this whole arrangement was about you and what you needed. You need a nanny; you need to meet with Elijah; you need to shoot a commercial; you need to play football. You. You. You. What did you think I’d do? Drop my life and pick upyours?”
That wasn’t at all accurate. He’d been there for her. “I—”
Cedar folded her arms over her chest. “I didn’t mean all that. I’m stressed and I shouldn’t take it out onyou.”
Teo plowed ahead. “I thought we gelled. I fell for you,Cedar.”
“I fell for you, too.” Cedar’s body lost some of the edge, but when he reached for her, she leaned away. “There’s more here to consider than just a few kisses. Are we—either of us—in a place to make acommitment?”
Teo’s hands went cold. His heart soon followed. “If you have to ask the question, then the answer isno.”
Her mouth opened and closed. “I guess … I’ll … go?” Her eyebrows came together as if she was trying to figure out what she’d just said. She wandered around the living room, picking up her purse and laptop and the sweater thing she’d folded over the chair a couple weeks ago. He’d left it there, liked seeing something that belonged to her when she wasn’tthere.
She stopped in the middle of the room and did a slow circle. With a sudden burst of energy, she ran to Akoni in the ball pit and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Her eyes dropped shut, the lidsfluttering.
Teo longed to pull her close and run his hands down her silky hair, to stop her from leaving. He wanted to blame this all on Amy, to say that she’d messed him up and he was worried and sick and needed validation because he was insecure in a relationship. He couldn’t get the words to form. He knew what he wanted out of love and marriage. If being married to Amy had taught him anything, it was what he didn’t want. And this felt very much like what he didn’twant.
The big difference was the sorrow in Cedar’s blue-green eyes. There had never been sorrow on Amy’s part. Cedar was bent over trying to carry what she felt—what he wascausing.
