Later that evening, Gretna sat in her chamber, feeling a bit embarrassed about the morning’s events. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that James hadn’t done anything wrong. After all, she was there for a specific reason and that was to see if he was a true match for her. She should have expected him to try and kiss her.
She had acted like an arse.
Sighing, Gretna rose from her bed, shaking out the wrinkles from her skirts. Because of her embarrassment, she had asked for a tray to her room instead of going to the great hall for supper, picking at the wonderful foods that had been brought to her. Her brother would chide her for her cowardice. Wallaces didn’t hide behind closed doors. They held their heads up high.
Yet here she was, hiding.
Well no more. She would go find James and apologize for her behavior toward him, ask if they could start over again. If he was to be her husband, then she would have to kiss him. He would have every right to do so and Gretna couldn’t act like an innocent lass around her intended.
Gretna left her chambers and wandered to the great hall, finding that dinner had long been cleared and there were a few Scots milling around. James would likely be in his chambers now and while it wouldn’t be quite proper for Gretna to go visiting him at this hour, she needed to apologize before a new day started and clear the air between them. This alliance meant everything to her clan, and her brother, and she would hate to know that she had ended the talks merely because she had been caught off guard by James’ overeagerness.
Finally, spying a servant maid sweeping under the high table, Gretna walked over to her. “Where can I find James now?”
The maid straightened, eyeing Gretna. “Wot do ye want?”
Gretna gave her a tight smile. “I need tae find James. Where might he be?”
The maid gave her a slow smirk. “Aye, so he has ye under his spell as well does he?”
Gretna didn’t know what that meant but she lifted her chin, giving the maid a hard stare. “He is mah suitor and I need a word with him.”
The maid laughed as if she didn’t believe her, but pointed down a hallway nevertheless. “Master James’ chambers are at the end of that hall there. His door is always unlocked.”
Gretna didn’t want to know how the maid knew that either, but she gave her a tight nod and started down the hallway, thinking about what she would say to him. Hopefully, he would understand and they would chuckle about it before pushing it aside. If he tried again, she would allow him to kiss her to show him that she wasn’t frightened by his advances nor was she some maiden who was going to wait until her wedding vows for certain things. That would be one rule she could break for her intended.
After all, once they were wed, he would own her body and her soul, free to do whatever he chose. Her sister-in-law, Ida, had warned Gretna before she left on this journey that James mightpush the issue but that she should cling to her innocence until she had a ring on her finger.
“Ye donna know if he will be only after wot is under yer skirts or not,” Ida had stated. “Best tae keep him chasing after ye until it’s official and yer bairn won’t be a bastard.”
That would be just horrid indeed! Her innocence was the most precious thing to Gretna right now, only because it held a certain honor to her becoming a bride and having her husband be the only one having her body.
But if James wanted something to tide him over, well Gretna could likely let down that barrier as well. Her cheeks pinkened at the thought. She had overheard many a conversation between Ida and Iris when they came to visit as well as the maids when they thought that no one was around. Through those conversations, Gretna had learned that there were other things that a man and woman could do and not ruin one’s innocence. She just hadn’t entertained the idea until now.
Could she do those things with James?
The thought weighed heavily on her mind as she approached the last door at the end of the hallway, raising her hand to knock. A moan bled through the heavy door and Gretna’s fist paused, her thoughts scattering.
Had that been a woman’s moan?
Shamelessly and without thought, Gretna pressed her ear to the door and a moment later, heard distinctly a woman’s moan through the wood, followed by a man’s murmurings that she couldn’t make out.
There was a woman in James’ room.
Gretna’s heart sank and she shrank back from the door, tucking herself into a shadowy alcove not far from the door. James clearly had taken liberties with another. Was that what the maid had meant when she had given Gretna directions?
Was her soon-to-be husband a rogue amongst his own staff? The pressure increased in her chest and Gretna forced herself to take some breaths to ease it. It wasn’t all that unexpected to her, as James was an unmarried Scot, but how could he have tried to kiss her earlier in the gardens and then take another woman to his bed like it didn’t mean anything to him?
More importantly, what would that mean for their marriage? Gretna would want her husband to be faithful to her and not like what her da had done. She didn’t want to worry about the other beds that he was sharing or the bastard children that could come as a result.
Gretna wanted devotion. She wanted love. She wanted faithfulness.
Clearly, she wouldn’t get it from James. Her heart shattered as she thought about what she would have to tell her brother and how disappointed he was going to be. It was her life, her marriage, her future, and while she loved her clan, she couldn’t sacrifice it for what might be a loveless marriage.
Tears burned the back of her throat and Gretna pushed herself out of the alcove at the same time the door opened and the maid that had spilled wine on Gretna came out. Her hair was mussed and her laces undone as if she had in fact had a tup with James. Gretna’s heart clenched tightly in her chest as she watched James fill the doorway, his hand shooting out and grabbing the young woman’s chin, forcing her to look at him before they shared a passionate kiss. Gretna turned away from the scene, her hands balled at her sides but when she looked back, James and the maid were staring at her. “Gretna,” James said, his eyes widening. “Wot are ye doing here?”
The maid smirked as Gretna pushed past them, tears blurring her eyes. “Gretna, wait!” James called out, causing Gretna to pick up her pace. She couldn’t face him now. She couldn’t let him see the tears in her eyes.
She wanted to leave. She wanted out of the keep and away from him.
