Her aunt looked a bit disappointed, but the expression cleared a moment later. “Well then, I expect ye tae pick up yer duties tomorrow, lass. There is a great deal for ye tae learn.”
“Aye,” she said faintly before turning away and walking out of the study. She would be in control, but Finley had never felt more out of control of her own life than she did at this very moment.
After she quit the study, Finley hurried to Erik’s chamber, the parchment clenched in her hand. He was leaving. She wouldn’t see him again except when the clans got together, and they would be both second-in-commands, commandeering their warriors to protect their lairds.
It didn’t feel right, but what else could it be? Finley had to stay here. Her aunt needed her. Erik’s door was open when she approached, and Finley drew in a breath as she entered the chamber, his familiar scent filling the air. He was standing at the bed, shoving his things into his pack, and when he looked up, she gasped at the intensity of his gaze.
“Finley.”
“Erik,” she replied, clearing her throat. “Ye’re leaving.”
“Aye,” he said, returning to his task. “I must get back tae mah clan and mah duties.”
His duties didn’t include being with her, and Finley swallowed the hurt. “Are ye alright?” she asked softly, seeing the tension in his body.
He stilled his jerky movements. “Aye, I am. Isabel deserves wot she is getting for wot she has done tae her husband and her clan. I have no sympathy for her.”
“And tae ye as well,” she reminded him, stepping further into the room. “She hurt ye the most.”
He let out a chuckle, looking over at her. “She’s hurt me for years, Finley. I’m used tae the pain.”
Finley wasn’t. Just seeing him like this, about to walk out of her life, was pain unlike she had ever experienced, and a part of her wanted to ask him to stay. Would he stay?
But it wouldn’t be fair for her to do so. He had a clan, a life, a family that he had come from, and everything she had was here. To withhold him from that family would be wrong, and the last thing she would ever want to do to Erik was make him unhappy.
“Mah aunt has made me second-in-command,” she said quickly, her words torturous to her own ears.
Erik moved from the bed to stand before her. “Good for ye, Finley,” he replied, something akin to sadness crossing his face. “Ye deserve it, lass. ’Tis a lofty title indeed.”
She gazed up at his handsome face, the tenderness in his eyes nearly undoing her. “Is it really good?” She wanted him to tell her that he wanted her to stay with him, that she wasn’t making a mistake in taking the position and letting him ride out of the keep forever. She wanted him to fight her, to make her yield to the feelings that she had for him.
But he just reached out and brushed his fingers over her cheek lightly. “Aye, lass. ’Tis good. Ye will make a fine leader. This is yer clan, yer warriors, and I suspect it always has been.”
Tears burned her eyes, but Finley refused to let them fall. “Well then, I guess this is farewell,” she said stiffly, stepping back from his touch. She would fall apart later, without him looking at her like so.
Erik dropped his hand, his jaw clenching. “Aye, lass. I guess it is.”
There was an awkward silence between them before Finley forced her feet to move to the door. “Goodbye, Erik.”
Finley was spun around before her foot could cross the threshold, and she found herself pressed up against Erik’s hard body. “Nay, lass,” he told her. “That is not how we say goodbye tae each other.”
Finley’s lips parted before his crashed down on hers, his kiss passionate and filled with the pent-up emotion that she was desperately trying to hide from him. Her hands went around his neck, and she held him as close as she could, not caring that the parchment had fluttered to the floor in the process. This was the man she would love for the rest of her days.
Their kiss went on for what seemed like hours, but when Erik pulled away, Finley almost begged him for more. She didn’t want to walk away, for when she did, it would all be over.
“Thatis how we say goodbye,” he said gruffly, brushing her hair out of her face with his hand.
“I’m sorry it cannae be any different between us,” she answered tearfully.
His expression grew tender. “Aye, lass,” he whispered before pressing his lips to her temple. “Me tae. Take care of yerself, lass. I...I dinnae know wot else tae say tae make this easier.”
Finley wasn’t certain if he was talking about himself or her, but she didn’t want to let him go. The moment she did, this would all be over with, and there would be no more kisses, no more touches.
Nothing.
“Dinnae leave,” she blurted out, pressing her face into his tunic. Perhaps she needed to say it first, what was burning her up on the inside.
Perhaps it would get him to stay. “Please.”
He let out a painful breath. “I cannae, lass. I cannae stay. I have a duty.”
Finley pulled away before it was even more painful to do so and fled the room without looking back, the tears falling from her eyes before she could make it to her own chambers. This should have been a happy day for her, one that was meant to be celebrated by the accomplishments she had made, but it felt more like Erik had just ripped out her heart and fed it to the wolves. He had a duty to his clan, and she did to hers as well, but she would rather have him at least tell her that his leaving was just as hard on him as it was on her.
Because the way he had reacted, it hadn’t truly affected him at all, and Finley knew at that moment that Erik’s feelings did not run as deep as hers did.
Throwing open the door to her chamber, she shut it softly so as not to arouse suspicion and fell onto her bed, crying into her pillow. She didn’t know which was worse, suffering a heartache or not suffering one at all. But now that her heart was ripped out of her chest, Finley wanted to put it back in its place, to harden it much like Erik had after Isabel.
She was never going to be the same again.
