Julian waited at the base of the boardwalk steps, his expression open and unguarded for perhaps the first time since she'd known him.
“Ready?" he asked.
Jess nodded, feeling the rightness of the moment settle into her bones as they prepared to begin the difficult work of untangling their planned union. "Ready."
44
Back in Jess'schildhood bedroom, Megan stood before the open suitcase on the twin bed, methodically folding clothes with the precision of someone trying very hard to focus solely on the task at hand.
She lifted a peach-colored sweater from the closet, shaking it out before folding it with careful attention. The sweater went into the suitcase, was removed, refolded slightly differently, then returned to the same spot.
Floorboards in the hallway creaked, announcing Jess's approach before she appeared in the doorway. She carried two steaming mugs, their rich coffee aroma filling the room as she nudged the door wider with her foot.
"Thought you might need this," she said, offering one of the mugs to Megan, who accepted it with a small smile.
"Thanks." Her friend cradled the mug between her palms, the steam rising to brush her face, as her watchful eyes tracked Jess’s face.
“Ferries aren’t full yet," Jess said, blowing gently across her coffee. "I checked online. 2.30’s still available, but the 4:15 gives you more time."
Megan took a careful sip, looking uncomfortable. "I should probably take the earlier one. Get out of your hair." She set her mug on the nightstand and resumed folding, this time lifting out the silk dress she'd brought for the wedding reception. Her fingers smoothed invisible wrinkles from the fabric, a subconscious delaying tactic. “I’m sorry Jess, I really …”
"So, Julian and I talked this morning," Jess interjected, putting her out of her misery. She watched as Megan's hands stilled before resuming their task with forced casualness. "We've officially called off the wedding altogether."
Her friend looked up, her expression a complex mixture of concern and something harder to define. "Jess, I'm so sorry."
"I’m not." Jess drew her knees to her chest, balancing her coffee mug against them. "It was the right decision.” She smiled wanly. “Though trying to convince my mom of that will take … time.”
Megan abandoned the pretense of packing and sank onto the edge of the bed, her shoulders curved inward. "I should have told you," she said, eyes fixed on her hands. "Years ago, when you first started seeing him."
Jess studied her friend's face, noting the tension around her mouth, the tremor in her fingers as they smoothed the quilt beside her. "Tell me now," she urged softly.
Megan took a deep breath, her fingers finding a loose thread on the quilt and worrying it absently.
“I'd gone out with him only a couple of times. Nothing serious, but..." She tucked her hair behind her ear again, a telltale nervous gesture. "I liked him. He was thoughtful, interesting. Different from the guys I usually dated. That night, at my place … I invited my friends because I wanted everyone to meet him, I guess. Maybe validate what I was feeling." She glanced up briefly, then away again. "You arrived late, remember?"
Jess nodded, the memory surfacing easily - rushing to Megan's apartment, still buzzing from a successful pitch, launching into a story about the client's reaction before she'd even taken off her coat.
"The moment you walked in," her friend continued, "it was like someone had turned up all the lights in the room. You were practically glowing with energy. Everyone was drawn to you - they always are." Her voice held no jealously though, just the simple acknowledgment of a pattern long established between them.
Jess remained silent, allowing her to continue.
"I watched Julian notice you immediately. The way his expression changed when you laughed, how he leaned forward when you spoke." Megan's hands stilled in her lap. "I'd been dating him for weeks and never once saw that look on his face."
Jess felt a pang of guilt. "Meg..."
"No, please. Let me finish." She took another breath, steadying herself. "It wasn't just Julian though. It was how I felt standing next to you. I always felt... smaller somehow. Less vibrant. Less … everything." A rueful smile touched Megan’s lips. “But that’s on me, not you. And I love you, you’re a wonderful friend.” She shrugged. “Could be why I’m a therapist, maybe? I’m much better at helping others shine than shining myself. But that night, after everyone left, Julian stayed to help clean up. He asked about you - casual questions in retrospect that at the time, I processed as something more, much more. How you and I knew one another. What kind of work you did." Megan's voice grew softer. "I decided then I should just step aside, knew I couldn’t compete.”
“Or you didn’t want to,” Jess clarified gently. “So you just made yourself small and pushed him away.”
The suggestion hung in the air between them, as a chickadee landed on the cherry branch nearest the window, regarding them briefly before flitting away.
Megan nodded numbly. “I said we wanted different things. That the timing was wrong … all those great therapist phrases that sound meaningful but don't really explain anything." She attempted a small smile. “Then a week later, pretty much exactly as expected, he called you.”
“Only because you’d rejected him though - he admitted that this morning.” Jess set her mug on the window ledge and moved to sit beside Megan on the bed, their shoulders touching lightly. “Why didn't you ever say anything though Meg? All these years?"
"What would I have said?" her friend picked up her coffee mug, holding it like a shield. "'By the way, Jess, I gave up on Julian because he clearly preferred you'?" She shook her head. "Sounds pathetic even in my own head. And then you two got serious so quickly... it seemed like I’d just imagined there was anything there in the first place.”
"So you just buried it. Pretended everything was fine while watching me plan a life with him? That must have been torturous, Meg.” Jess fought against a swell of frustration. "You’re my confidant, my bridesmaid, you even helped me pick out our wedding invitations.”
