‘Plus what?’ He took a step closer again and it took every last ounce of willpower Hannah had not to sink back into his embrace.
‘I’ve been dealing with some stuff … and I’m not ready for … anything. I was hurt by someone, still am,’ she spluttered, shaking her head as if close to tears. She couldn’t think of any other excuse sufficient enough to put a stop to this, and so she purposely played it up, wanting him to believe that she was still getting over her ex.
It worked.
‘Oh. Oh, crap, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean …’ He immediately stepped back, putting the necessary distance between them, much to the relief of her trembling nerve endings. ‘I’m sorry, Hannah. I’m an idiot.’ Embarrassed now, he ran a hand through his hair. ‘I got it all wrong, I should never have … Christ, I’m a fucking idiot, I really thought that you—’
‘It’s OK.’
‘No, no it’s not. I shouldn’t have pushed or insisted.’ He walked back and forth along the bridge, agitated afresh. ‘I’m sorry if you felt pressurised, it’s just yeah, the champagne … and I was upset and my head was all over the place. Christ, what a fucking night …’ Then he dug out his phone. ‘Here, let me call you a taxi. What part of town do you live in, and oh crap I shouldn’t even be asking you something like that after …’
Hannah moved to catch up with Ward as he strode off the bridge and back onto the path out of the park, evidently believing he’d completely overstepped. She wanted to reassure him that wasn’t the case, and it was after allshewho’d initially reached for him in that way. But she couldn’t do that, for fear that if he touched her again, this time she wouldn’t be able to help but follow through once and for all. And however much she wanted to, she couldn’t let that happen.
Wardwasa client, and after tonight, he needed her more than ever.
It was a line they couldn’t and shouldn’t cross for a reason. As it was, she guessed that he was merely seeking a different form of comfort, a brief roll in the hay to block out what had happened at the event, a meaningless, distracting interlude before he figured out what to do next.
And that would be impossible if they crossed that boundary and went back to his place. Hannah would never be able to work with him again. Despite thinking that the announcement of his return to the Panthers meant this was all over and her job was more or less done, if anything, the work was only just beginning.
She couldn’t leave Ward to deal with the fallout on his own. Not with her insight and deeper understanding of his mindset andvulnerabilities, or the danger of falling back into old patterns if the pressure got too much. She cared about him too much to let that happen.
And so she wouldn’t – for Ward’s sake, and her own too.
She’d had a moment of weakness, sure, but at the end of the day, Hannah wouldn’t be so stupid as to risk everything she’d done to put her past behind her, and all the changes she’d made since starting over after LA.
Only to put herself right back into the same situation.
Chapter 47
So, I can’t believe I’m even writing this, but …
Hannah noticed that some of Ed’s words had been crossed out and scribbled over ’til whatever had been there was completely illegible as if he’d needed to get his thoughts in order before he continued.
I can’t believe I’m writing this, but here we are. Seems I have a dilemma of my own.
Smiling with anticipation and no small part curiosity, she took the note over to the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her to get comfortable. It felt good to have something different to focus on, after the turmoil of the last week.
Following their ‘moment’ in the park, Ward had once again clammed up, retreated back into himself, and had been formal and distant with her ever since. Pretty much back to how he used to be when she’d first encountered him.
What’s worse, it seemed someone from the paparazzi had spotted the two of them slink out of the Plaza separately and nabbed a shot of them heading into the park in the darkness, the online gossip sites running the headlineBack in the Den – Returning Panther McKenzie Scores with Mystery Woman, beneath a grainy shot of her leading him down the steps.
While his face was clear beneath the street lights, luckily Hannah was slightly ahead of him and in side profile, and thus pretty much unrecognizable to anyone other than herself, thank goodness. And Zoe, of course, who was having a field day teasing her ever since.
Having made some meaningful inroads at work recently, the last thing Hannah needed was a misstep like this to undermine her.
She and Ward hadn’t spoken again of that night though, other than she reiterating that the plan hadn’t changed and that going back to the Panthers under Jefferson Prince did not mean an automatic return to his old self-destructive ways.
But he remained unconvinced and, she guessed, still a little embarrassed (or maybe even annoyed?) following her brush off. But how could she complain since she was the one who’d insisted on professional boundaries? To his credit, he’d insisted on seeing her off safely in a cab once they were back on the street, uttering a low-key goodbye and another apology as she drove off and he waited to catch the next.
It all felt like such a mess once again though, as if she and Ward were right back at square one. To say nothing of the fact that the New York office was busier than she could have imagined, with more client demands piling up by the day.
So to say she welcomed any opportunity for distraction from work pressure was an understatement.
As you can probably tell, I’ve been on my own for a while. Not alone per se but … well, you know. Nothing lasts forever. Life had other plans. Always does, regardless of what we want or hope. And after the last time, I pretty much figured that stuff – relationship stuff – wouldn’t happen again for me.
Hannah read the paragraph again and put a hand over her heart, touched by his candour. Was he divorced? A widower, maybe? she pondered, suddenly imagining Ed in his wheelchair in the cemetery reverently laying flowers on a grave.
Life had other plans...
