Next, I was desperately in love with Mattie McDonald. He was tall and on the football team and everything about him was just perfect. When I finally got the nerve to actually talk to him, he told me that if I lost some weight and did something with my hair, he could probably talk one of his friends into asking me out.
College brought me to Jake Flynn. He was smart and clever and said all the right things at all the right times. He made me feel as if I was the only girl that he could truly be himself around – and then I found out that he’d been himself with many other girls at the same time he was with me.
And that brings me to my ex – who I thought at the time was someone I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Handsome and charming with the world at his feet, he could have had any woman he liked, yet he wanted me. Or so I thought. Turns out he only wanted what I could get for him and once he’d got it, I became insignificant.
And now to add to my long line of failures, there’s this new guy and even though he hasn’t said anything, I think I’ve been getting some vibes. But again I’m just not sure if I’m reading too much into things. The problem this time is that he’s off-limits. So even if there was something, I have no choice but to set my feelings aside. I need to protect my heart. Career too.
I’ve tried talking to a friend for advice, of course, but maybe there’s something about getting an entirely objective (and anonymous!) point of view. Completely understand if you find all of this stupid and shallow and I’m sure now you’re sorry you asked.
P-2
Dear P-2,
First of all, flattering as it is that you come to me for advice, referring to me as older and wiser makes me sound as if I’mready for a nursing home. While recent health issues have left me a little fragile, I’m not quite ready to be put out to pasture just yet.
Secondly, advice on matters of the heart is where I truly fall down. There might be a few things I know how to do in this world but being in a successful relationship surely isn’t one of them.
This much I do know – and once again this is coming purely from a male perspective – men are the apex cowards of the world. We’ve got these walls up for our own protection. When we’re around women, we tend to say and do stupid things – and so those stupid things make women think that we’re simple.
It’s hard to open up about our feelings to other people – especially when we don’t know how they’re feeling about us. Safer to just wait until they tell us how they feel, instead of us making the first move.
So, if we’re not absolutely sure how someone feels about us, most of us aren’t going to say a word because we’re terrified that we’re going to come across as pathetic or stupid, or in case we get shot down.
No man wants to be shot down.
Women have always been much more in tune with how things truly are. Men just kind of plod along, making stupid mistakes, and if we’re lucky, don’t do too much damage along the way. Me, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and have lots of regrets too. And as for someone being off-limits? Story of my life.
I doubt I’ve been much help to you, sorry. The one thing Ican tell you is that confusion in matters of the heart remains a conundrum across all generations.
Your hungry neighbour,
P-1
Chapter 42
WARD
Ward saw Johnny smirking at him from the corner of his eye and he turned away from the mirror and glared at his friend. ‘You got something you want to say?’
Johnny grinned and shook his head, barely able to keep the amusement out of his voice. He’d dropped in to wish him luck before the event, both hoping that tonight would herald Ward’s official Panthers return.
‘It’s just … I’ve never seen you like this, man. You’ve been standing in front of that mirror for ten minutes just looking at yourself all twitchy. It’s like you’ve almost become … civilized or something.’
‘You want to take this outside, I can show you how quick I become uncivilized, pal.’
This time, Johnny couldn’t keep the laughter in and he threw his head back and bellowed with complete abandon. ‘Easy, buddy,’ he said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. ‘There’s no need to go allTerminatoron me, OK. I’m just saying this is a side of you that I’ve never seen before – that’s all.’
‘Yeah, well, if it were up to me, I wouldn’t even be going to this stupid fundraiser. But Bernie and Hannah both seem to think it’s all pointing that way.’
‘That’s why PR Girl’s gonna be there? For the cameras and stuff?’
Ward didn’t want to admit to his friend that he’d asked Hannah as his plus one. No point in giving Johnny yet another reason to make fun of him.
‘Exactly. Seeing as my fall from grace was pretty public, she wants to ensure my return to the fold is too.’
‘All about keeping the illusion alive, huh.’
Illusion.
