Which meant her ex had read every single word and was now privy to all her honest, unfiltered thoughts and emotions regarding their relationship. To everything she’d laid bare.
But … but …how?
Had she inadvertently pressed send amid last night’s wine haze?
But no, she’d only had a couple of glasses at the most, and she’d only written it all in the first place as a form of emotional purge. And more importantly, safe in the knowledge that she wasnevergoing to send it!
Her thoughts scrambled to make sense of it. Was there some feature on iMessage she didn’t know about that automatically sentmessages after a specified amount of time or something? Regardless, Hannah was so mortified she could barely think straight.
Now Rob kneweverything. She could no longer hold her head high and play the part of the strong and mature ex, all drama completely beneath her. From his point of view, the message surely came across as unhinged.
Oh no, oh no. So much for easy breezy …
Then she considered the response he’d just sent. Short and sweet.
I had no idea you felt that way.
He was obviously taken aback, and no doubt confused too, by this out-of-the-blue emotional outpouring when one of the things he used to say he loved about her was how she always kept her cool. Until that one time, of course. And while it was difficult – impossible almost – even then Hannah had done her utmost to save face, she’d had little choice but to automatically switch into damage control mode. Like she always did when things went awry.
So what now? How could she rescuethis, or more to the point, should she even try? Ultimately there was really nothing she could do, was there? Rob knew exactly how she felt now, and thus would surely have no choice but to recognize and appreciate her reasons for leaving.
The question was, what would he do about it?
He was coming to the city for the tournament soon, so time would tell. And if he wanted to meet up, they could discuss it all then. Until that point, Hannah guessed she had no choice but to leave the ball in his court. But how oh how had she lobbed that deeply embarrassing volley? It was mystifying.
Swallowing hard as she tried not to reread every mortifying word, Hannah swiped right of the message to ascertain the sending time. Yes, it was indeed last night, not long after she’d finishedwriting it. So she must have inadvertently hit the enter button on her laptop somehow, which had let the cat out of the bag, because however advanced technology was, it didn’t spontaneously press buttons of its own accord …
Then, recalling her train of thought, plus the last time she’d thought tech had a mind of its own in the form of Courtney’s media system, the realization hit.
Cat out of the bag…
Or more pertinently, the very animal that had idly wandered across her laptop last night while she went to refill her glass.
Chapter 36
P-2,
Thanks for your note. I’m actually proud to think I helped with your work issue. It’s good to feel like I have something to offer these days.
I’m sure, by this point, you think I’m simply a pain in the ass. Hell, you might even be regretting moving in next to a guy like me but take heart in the idea that I won’t live forever.
I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately – and I appreciate that you have been so courteous to keep me alerted of your plans. I don’t know if I would have done the same if I were in your shoes. I’m sure that says something about my character as well as yours.
No doubt you’ve heard a lot about me from others, mostly complaints, but at the end of the day, I don’t think I’m a bad guy. Truth be told, I don’t think about how others view me at all. Mostly because I don’t care. Never have. You know what they say about opinions. However, the world is a whole different place from when I grew up, and right now it’s all about feelings and self-awareness and being kind to everyone, even the assholes.
So since you say you’re having some men struggles, at work or in life in general, maybe this might help. A few classic truths, if you will. Brace yourself.
Plus it might help the two of us understand one other better too.
1.Most guys value recognition for their abilities, achievements and contributions. Feeling respected is a powerful motivator and when you start to get the feeling you’re being brushed under the rug, it pisses you off. That’s where I have been existing lately and it’s not fun.
2.While it may not appear to be the case with me, I can assure you that guys also value connection with other people, even if society likes to suggest otherwise. Yes, we express this need differently compared to women, but we still want to be supported by the people in our lives. It’s hard to feel happy when you feel ignored or taken for granted.
3.We have to have a purpose. Doesn’t matter what it is … career, family, some hobby, whatever. It’s important. But it has to be authentic. Not contrived or for validation. Probably the biggest problem I have with the way the world works now. Everything is fake – all made up for show to impress other people. I value truth.
4.Yes, we men can be emotionally complex. Might not look like it on paper, but we are capable of a wide range of emotions. But again, the world looks down on guys who emote too much. So, a lot of times instead, we just shut down – and are judged for that too.
5.We have just as much drive for success as anyone – regardless of age. We still want to win. But the older you get, the more that gets overlooked. The older you get the more you get forgotten about.
