‘Nothing but the best,’ he answered as he lifted out the smoked salmon. Colette’s stomach gurgled afresh. She adored smoked salmon.
Her hunger was soon sated with the selection of mouth-watering delicacies Ed had chosen, each more delicious than the one before. They even shared a bottle champagne, which they made quick work of before they were ready for dessert.
Colette lay back on Ed’s chest and stared at the blue sky.It had been far too long since they’d enjoyed this kind of thing together. It was moments like these that she held onto. Moments she hoped would last. She knew that soon he’d be back to work and life would return to normal again, but hopefully this would keep her for a while. Food for a starving soul.
‘Thank you,’ she said simply.
‘You’re welcome,’ he replied. ‘I know it doesn’t make up for this morning, but I wanted you to know that I am sorry. I don’t – can’t – truly understand how you feel. I suppose having a child means a different thing to you than it does to me, and I’m sorry I told you to forget it. I had no right. I just don’t know how to handle seeing you in pain. I just want to fix it.’
‘You can’t fix this, Ed,’ Colette replied sadly. ‘It’s just one of those things. I want a baby, and we just can’t seem to have one. There’s nothing that can be done about it.’
‘Perhaps we could think about adoption …’
‘I don’t want to,’ Colette replied quickly. ‘We’ve been through this. I want to carry my own baby and I know that seems selfish given there are so many children in this world who want and need good families. I know that. But it doesn’t change the fact that I want to experience life growing inside me. I want to feel the fluttering, the kicks, and everything else that comes with being pregnant.’
‘Including swollen ankles and morning sickness?’
‘Yes, even that.’
‘I wish I could give you what you want, darling. I really wish I could.’
She smiled weakly. They ate dessert in relative silence as Colette watched the ducks on the lake.She was surprised at the number of people in the park at this time, midday (didn’t they have jobs to go to?), and then figured they were probably wondering the same thing themselves.
After the picnic was over, Colette and Ed ambled through Birdcage Walk. They were silent as they moved beneath the trees, only the sound of the passing traffic there to entertain them. They were about halfway down when Ed’s phone rang.
He looked at the display. ‘Sorry, darling, I need to take this.’
He handed her the basket and walked away, Colette watching him as he went. It seemed her husband spent more time leaving her than he did greeting her.
She lingered around the area as she waited for him to return, occupying herself by studying moss growing on the trees and the numerous knots in the barks, almost like knuckles on a hand. There was so much green around her. It was nice to see. Very different to her usual view of dull grey buildings from her office window. She wondered what was happening at work now.
‘Colette, I’m so very sorry, but—’
‘You have to go,’ she finished dully. Of course it wouldn’t last.
His face fell. ‘I’m so sorry, truly. I’ll call the car. I had told him to pick us up later but … Anyway, it shouldn’t take him long. I’ll have him drop you straight back home.’
‘Don’t bother,’ Colette replied as she handed Ed the basket. ‘I don’t feel like going home just yet. I think I’ll stay here for a while; I was so enjoying it.’
‘It’s an emergency,’ he told her, somewhat defensively now. ‘I have no choice.’
‘I understand,’ she said softly. ‘Honestly, go. I’ll head back in to watch the pelicans. I love them.’
‘I know,’ Ed replied. ‘I’m sorry I can’t come and look at them with you.’
‘Go – do what you do best,’ Colette replied sadly. ‘But I think I need to try something different today.’
Saying goodbye, she turned and began the walk back to the lake. She sighed deeply as she strolled, willing the stress and pressure she felt to leave her.
It had been a day of such mixed emotions, most of them negative, but there were still enough hours left in the day she might be able to salvage.
By the time she returned home, it was evening and she found a note from Ed telling her he’d gone to Surrey to see a client and he’d be back late.
For once, she was fine with that. She wanted to be alone.
Colette settled on the couch in the living room with only the side lamp for light, tucked up with her box of memories – things that were always a balm to her soul.
It was not so much a box but an old-style suitcase that had belonged to her mother and one she’d had since she was a girl.
