As she walked, her thoughts briefly turned to Rosie. She felt a small burst of anxiety enter her chest. Clara knew that her classmate was still in the hospital—at least that was what she had heard her mum say. She was a bit worried about Rosie.
They weren’t best friends or anything, but she still really liked her. Rosie was fun, not at all girlie and she loved playing dinosaurs with the boys. Clara liked dinosaurs, too, but her best friends, Rachel and Megan, didn’t really, so it was nice to have another girl who enjoyed playing with them, too.
And she also felt a bit bad for Rosie because her dad died. Clara really couldn’t imagine what that must be like, but guessed it must be a terrible thing. She couldn’t imagine losing her own dad. And now poor Rosie was in the hospital—she had become much sicker with measles than Clara.
That was something else she couldn’t imagine because she had felt like she was going to die while she had them. What must it be like to feel even worse?
Furrowing her brow, Clara decided that she would keep Rosie in her thoughts, but that she wouldn’t let her worries ruin her first day back. Picking up her pace, she felt her spirits buoy once again, especially as she heard the squeals of delight from Rachel and Megan. She ran the final steps to her friends and they all cried out in excitement.
However, the girls’ obvious joy at being reunited attracted the attention of another classmate they usually tried to avoid.
Kevin Campbell.
The young boy approached the three girls with a scowl on this face. He was flanked on either side by two of his other friends—older boys who liked to be nasty.
Great, more meanies.
“Who saidyoucould come back to school?” he sneered. “Are you trying to get everyone else sick now?”
Clara turned to look directly at Kevin. She hated having to talk to him, but she knew from experience that ignoring him just made him worse. So she faced him down, like her mum and dad had taught her.
“Principal Connelly talked to my doctor and my parents. Everyone said I was ready to come back. Just go away. It’s none of your business anyway,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. She felt Megan stand reassuringly close alongside her.
But this answer didn’t satisfy Kevin.
“It is my business. I don’t want to get sick because ofyou. I don’t want my friends to catch your rotten diseases. You know, I heard that Rosie could die. Do you know that if that happens, it will be your fault, Clara? I wonder how old you have to be to go to jail. They might not lock you up for killing her, but they will definitely lock your parents up—and then you and Jake will be put up for adoption or something.” His friends laughed loudly, which merely served to egg Kevin on. “Probably be better that way anyway. My mum says that your parents are stupid and crazy. So it’s good if they do get locked up. I mean, murderers should go to jail—especially ones who kill kids.”
Clara felt a lump grow in her throat. Her mum had told her that Rosie getting sick hadn’t been her fault. But now she wasn’t so sure. What if Rosiediddie? She willed herself not to cry, but still a tear leaked from her eye.
Of course, Kevin saw it. “Are you going to cry, Clara?” He guffawed. “Well, you probably should. If I were you, I would feel terrible for killing one of my friends.”
“Shut up, Kevin,” yelled Rachel, trying to intervene on behalf of her friend. “Clara hasn’t killed anyone and Rosie isn’t going to die. Just shut up. You don’t know anything.”
She and Megan began pulling her away in the direction of the classroom. Clara allowed herself to be led—anything to get away.
But regardless of the distance they put between her and the bullies, Kevin’s words still echoed in Clara’s brain.
If Rosie died,wouldit be her fault?
11
I was spending most of my days and nights at the hospital, and today Lucy arrived around midday and insisted that I get some space between me and the chair beside Rosie’s bed, for my own mental and physical health.
Yesterday, the medical team had removed Rosie’s ventilator and were confident that the antibiotics were working well in treating the pneumonia.
So all I could do now was wait.
The poor thing was still very weak and barely alert most of the time (though a dinosaur balloon the Coopers of all people had sent had raised a smile), but according to Dr. Ryan, she finally seemed to be heading out of the danger zone.
Which was the only reason I was even considering Lucy’s suggestion.
She had assured me that she wouldn’t leave Rosie’s side until I returned, and while I initially refused, I realized after a quick look in a mirror that I really did need to take myself in hand, enough to pop back to Knockroe to collect a few things from the house and wash my hair at least.
“I left you some bath oil—that lovely new Jo Malone scent. Go and unwind for a bit, have a snooze, eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or whatever, just get out of here for the day, OK?” she had urged.
And, despite myself, I knew she was right, which was why, having kissed my little girl goodbye, I found myself pulling into my driveway for the first time in what felt like days, weeks... I wasn’t even sure of the timeline anymore.
I did know that it was about a week and a half since Rosie had been put on the ventilator, and all the while I was at the hospital, Lucy had been running my house as well as her own. I told her just now before I departed that I really appreciated her; she was everything I needed in a wife. That made us both laugh, and for that brief moment it felt good to just feel something akin to normal.
