Oh God…‘Danny, it’s OK, let me help you. We’ll get through this; I know we will. Tell me how I can—’
But he was shaking his head as she held him. ‘No, Beth, you don’t understand. You can’t help me. I don’t think anyone can. Yesterday, when you saw me on the street, Adele followed me out because I’d left my phone behind. She had just given me an update on my prognosis – and I was so overwhelmed and disorientated… She’s been trying to help me, not just with the treatment but in how I should be dealing with things emotionally. She tried to persuade me over and over that I needed to tell you, that having a support system would help, but I wasn’t hearing her. What with Thanksgiving and now Christmas, I couldn’t do it.’
Beth felt the spectre of dread settle over them. ‘What was the update?’ She knew that she had to ask the question, but she was terrified of the answer.
‘It wasn’t good news,’ Danny said, pulling away from her. ‘It’s accelerating, Beth.’
Her mind frantically worked to process all this new information. Her Danny, the love of her life, was ill – seriously ill – for weeks and hadn’t told her about it. Why hadn’t he told her?
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Beth pleaded. She was quickly understanding the gravity of the situation, but the fact that Danny had knowingly and purposely excluded her from being a part of this devastating news cut her to the core.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I’m so sorry. It was wrong. But I did have my reasons.’ She waited for him to continue, and after a quiet moment he did. ‘You’ve always been light and life to me, Beth. Everything about you is sunny, happy, serene. And you see the good in every situation – I love that about you. And I suppose I knew that if I told you what was going on, that all of that would change. It would blight your soul, make you unhappy, anxious, worried. Of course it would change you and everything about our life, and I didn’t want you to change. I just wanted you to stay you.’
Beth understood and now more than ever she also realized that what she’d been thinking at the museum and what Jodi had said before was true – she lived in a fairy-tale world – avoided reality. And because of that, it had encouraged Danny to think her fragile, weak… unable to deal with real life. That was why he had kept her in the dark.
‘You thought I couldn’t handle it… the reality.’ Beth looked down at the ground, ashamed to her core. She felt like a complete idiot.
Danny reached out and raised her face to his. ‘No, it was me who couldn’t handle that,’ he said. ‘When I heard, my first reaction was to deny it all, pretend it wasn’t happening and the longer it went on without telling anyone, the longer I could convince myself that it wasn’t real. Telling you would only make it real. So no, you’re not the weak one Beth – I am.’
‘What about your folks? Do they know?’ She wondered now if this was the reason he hadn’t asked her to come with him to Queens. But chances were Mae and Rick couldn’t possibly know about it either, or Beth would have surely found out. His mother would be devastated and there was no way she would countenance keeping secret something of this importance.
He shook his head. ‘Like I said, I just haven’t been able to talk about it, especially with the holidays coming up…’
She reached for him then, and the two of them held one another for a long time, saying nothing, still trying to understand why –how– he had suffered through so much mental anguish alone. Yes, he might have been protecting himself, but knowing Danny as she did, Beth guessed there was some measure of trying to shield her from the reality too.
Then, as Beth tried to get to grips with that notion, her thoughts focused on the even more distressing prospect that her future could be devoid of the man she had loved for so long.
She swallowed hard and held Danny tighter. She understood now that he was, and always would be, the love of her life. Eventually she pulled away. ‘But people fight these things all the time, don’t they? You’re strong and still young and otherwise healthy, so surely there must be some hope, some chance…?’
But Danny was pulling away. ‘No, Beth. There’s no silver lining in this scenario. Adele says there’s something like a one in ten chance of beating it – and that’s only with a lot of expensive medication. We can’t afford that…’ He put his head in his hands again and Beth was anguished as she recalled how he’d suggested cancelling their medical insurance last year to save money when his hours were being cut. ‘It’s just… I don’t really know what to say… there’s been so much to think about.’
She sat forward, grasping on to the fact that there was some hope, however small. ‘Danny, we’ll do whatever we have to. Don’t give up just yet. I know you and you’re not a quitter. Neither am I – I found my way here, didn’t I?’ she teased, trying to lighten things a little.
But the very notion about how shehadended up here raised afresh the question that Danny hadn’t answered yet.
‘The hunt. This elaborate treasure trail. All over New York… the marina, Tiffany’s, the Met. The Waldorf. What was it all about Danny –whydid you do it? Especially in the middle of all this?’
He sniffed and sat forward. ‘There was actually a different reason behind that to begin with, but then I realized…’ He seemed to be about to say something but then stopped and picked up the key. ‘Like I said, it was set up a long time ago, and I’d kind of forgotten about it until the people involved let me know everything was in motion. But this, the last clue in particular, was a last-minute inclusion.’ He indicated the key. ‘You remember when we locked our love on that bridge in Venice that time?’ Beth nodded. Of course she did. ‘Look, please understand that I only want you to be happy. That’s all I ever hope for you. That you are happy. With or without me. And ultimately, even though you now know the truth –especiallyas you now know the truth – I just want to give you that option.’ He turned the key around in his fingers, and looked away into the distance. ‘I know about Ryan, Beth.’
At once it felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of the atmosphere. ‘Ryan from work? What about him?’ she replied, baffled by this turn in the conversation. With everything else that was going on, at this point Ryan was almost a distant memory, and she couldn’t believe she ever thought he might ever have meant anything. It was a stupid dalliance, a boost to her ego. She was an idiot. But how could Danny possibly know anything about how she’d been feeling…?
‘Look… I don’t blame you for anything that might have happened with him—’
‘Danny,’ she said, immediately on the defensive. ‘Nothing happened, I promise you, I wouldnevercheat on you—’
But he put up a hand, silencing her. He wasn’t angry, just resigned. ‘I believe you. And I know you wouldn’t cheat. But what I’m saying is that I know about Ryan. I met him, sort of. At the store. I saw you two together and well, I saw that you looked happy, too. Like you used to look all the time with me. Hell, I know that I haven’t been the best boyfriend, partner, lover, anything lately, and that’s why I understand if your head was turned. I’ve taken you for granted in a lot of ways, but I also love you enough to let you go if that’s what you want.’
He handed Beth the key, which she took limply and right then it dawned on her what it all represented. It was the key to the padlock from Venice, the spare. At the time neither of them had been sure what to do with it, and not wanting to ruin the romance of the moment, she remembered Danny had eventually just put it in his pocket and Beth had never thought about it again. ‘If you want to leave – especially after what you know now, I won’t stop you. I want you to be happy, Beth, even if it is with someone else. I won’t tie you to that promise.’
Her mouth fell open as she figured out what Danny was trying to tell her: that he was giving her the option of leaving him – of ending their relationship – if she didn’t want to deal with this new reality. No strings attached. He was giving her the option to unlock their vow.
But there was nowayshe was going to use the key – metaphorically or otherwise. She only wanted Danny. For a lifetime, just like they’d promised. Even if – she realized, her heart twisting – that lifetime might be short.
Still holding the key, Beth put her face in her hands and allowed herself to cry freely. She felt Danny pull her close, wrap his arms around her and breathe into her hair.
‘No, of course I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want anyone but you. No matter what. No matter if it’s years, months, weeks even – I want to be there for you. It’s you and me for a lifetime – we promised each other that years ago, on that bridge in Venice – and I still want that. You know me, inside and out. No one has ever known me the way that you do, but you are wrong about something.’ She grasped his hand, willing him to listen. ‘I can handle this and so can you. I’ve realized some things about myself lately, and I understand that life doesn’t always play out the way it’s supposed to. But I also know that we can always do the best with what we have. You have to trust me, though. You have to let me in.’
Turning her face to his, she felt all the barriers that had been put up between them over the past few weeks come crashing down. And she knew that Danny had accepted her words, was thankful for them even, when he took her face in his hands and kissed her with abandon.
